Like He Loves Me
by Joei Cassidy
Summary: Chapter 17 is UP! YES! Two women, one man. They both love him and he loves them both. What happens? Who wins? Loses? In this chapter, Olivia decides to take the plunge and seek Kathy out. Meanwhile, Elliot has to face his kids and sees for the first time how much he has hurt them. Sorry for the big delay on this update! Thank you for reading! K/E/O
1. Chapter 1

**Like He Loves Me**

Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. **_

_**New story! This story is inspired by the Reba McEntire song, "Does He Love You?" The song is a duet with I forget who, but the song is sang by two women – one a wife and the other a mistress. If you don't know the song and get the chance, Google it and it'll let you know where this idea came from. **_

_**Hope you enjoy! And no this is not a Kathy is an evil bitch story. And Olivia is a divine angel. This is a story I hope wherein Elliot will really have to dig deep within himself to find the right answer as will Kathy and Olivia.**_

**OLIVIA**

Friday morning, around 230 am

"I can't do this anymore…" The agonizing thought kept running through Olivia's mind. For the third time that night, she had abruptly woken up with that exact same thought, her heart racing.

And every time she had, she remembered what it was she thought she couldn't do this anymore and she knew that it wasn't true. She'd rather it be this way than no way at all. Oh God, she was pathetic. She promised herself she would never be this. Especially with him. From day one, when she saw him for the first time, she knew there was a connection, a spark, a chemistry between them like no other. And married or not, it was undeniable. But that didn't mean she had to entertain it. It didn't mean that had to fall in love. But just like they "don't get to pick the vic", she knew you also don't get to pick the person you fall in love with. The heart wants what the heart wants.

She shivered and as she held her hands to her arms she suddenly remembered that she was completely naked. Her right hand snaked down to her stomach. It was clean now but earlier that night that's where he had spilled his seed.

Elliot always pulled out before he came. She supposed that she should actually demand that he use a condom. But there you go, another reason to hate herself and this whole situation. She couldn't bring herself to do that. Because she liked it that she could feel and have all of him with no barriers even if it is just for a few hours.

She closed her eyes remembering the first time that they had finally given in to each other. It was after a particularly harrowing trial wherein their suspect that they knew was guilty was acquitted. The defense lawyer had gotten a lot of their evidence thown out on technicalities leaving them and Kim Grayleck, flimsy little to work with. And that little wasn't enough and their case had gone to pieces.

Olivia and Elliot had decided to get some drinks after that and one thing led to another. The next she knew, she and Elliot had checked into the St. Mark's Hotel in St. Mark's place and they were fucking like rabbits the entire night. Both had been tipsy and both were emotionally wrought and doing what they did brought some comfort. They both had thought that it would never happen again. Not until it did again three days later. But this time, there was no excuse except the fact that they wanted each other. It was also that same night that they knew and admitted to one another that was never going to be a one night stand. And that night, Benson and Stabler got even more complicated.

Olivia shook her head, bringing herself to the present. After they were done making love and giving each other mind blowing orgasms, like always, for the last month and a half, they had cuddled for a few minutes. But then of course it was time for Elliot to leave. It was time for him to go home. And so he got up, got dressed and kissed her goodbye, telling her he'd see her at work. And then he was gone.

Now, in this late hour all she had left was an empty side of the bed smelling of him and their lovemaking.

Olivia lay back down and grabbed the pillow that had been under Elliot's head earlier. She embraced the pillow and inhaled the intoxicating scent that was him. Masculine, seductive, a sex god…

As sleep overtook Olivia once more, she thought to herself, "I can't wait to see him tomorrow."

She smiled to herself but then the smile faded abruptly when she realized that while she had her arms around a pillow, he probably had his arms around Kathy, his wife. A tear made its way down her cheek again. She squeezed her eyes closed, forcing herself back to sleep. And as she thankfully drifted back to sleep, she thought agonizingly, "I can't do this anymore…"

**KATHY**

Friday morning, about 11 am

It was laundry day and Kathy had brought all of the dirty clothes down to their basement to wash. One by one, she sorted the clothes. She was almost to the bottom when she pulled the shirt she knew Elliot had been wearing last night. He had come home late after telling her that he was going out with Fin and Munch.

It was almost 1 am when he came home and she had heard him go straight to the shower before he joined her in bed. At that point she had been too sleepy to ask him anything or do anything for that matter except snuggle into his arms when he embraced her.

But now, as she picked up and saw the shirt from last night, she immediately knew that he had lied. It was so cliché but there was a lipstick smudge on one of the sleeves. And it wasn't her color.

She sighed loudly and tears stung her eyes. "I don't think I can do this anymore…" Kathy said to no one but she had said it out loud.

She had known for about a month now about Elliot and Olivia. She had caught them one night when she decided to go down to the precinct and haul her husband's ass home. On her way there, she had passed the street where Elliot and Olivia's police issued car was parked. She had the shock of her life when she had seen the two of them kissing like they were devouring each other. He certainly never kissed her like that.

Her first instinct was to kick the shit out of Olivia and then Elliot. But thankfully she thought for a moment and instead she just walked away.

She has gone through a million scenarios on what she'd like to do to the both of them, but she suddenly realized that for the last month and a half, while he still came home late and worked like a fiend, when he was home, Elliot was more attentive. In fact, for the last couple of years, they've barely had any sex…she'd be lucky if they did it twice a month, but now, it seemed like every minute that he could get her alone, he'd be jumping her or kissing her. Not like what she saw but still in her opinion, it was still pretty hot.

Kathy wished she had never gone to that precinct that night. She would have happily lived in blissful ignorance if that was the kind of Elliot she'd have at home. But she had and she knew. And now, smelling the unfamiliar perfume that still clung faintly to his shirt and the lipstick, she knew he had lied and he had been with Olivia.

Feeling a surge of anger, she balled up the shirt and threw it forcefully into the washing machine. She hurriedly put the last few pieces of clothes into it and then turned it on.

The whirring sound of the machine calmed her down somewhat but in her mind, she heard once more what Elliot told her before he left for work and after they had made love, "Don't wait up for me, gotta go over some testimony for court tomorrow with Hardwick and Cutter, so it's probably gonna be a late night for me. ."

Kathy sank to the floor put her face in her hands and once more she thought, "I don't think I can do this anymore…"

**ELLIOT**

Friday, early evening

He ran cold water all over his face in the men's restroom of the 16th precinct. His heart was pounding and his face which had been pale for the last couple of hours was finally regaining some of its color.

"I can't fucking do this anymore." The thought came through loud and clear.

All of sudden, Elliot just punched the tile wall beside him. He cringed at the pain that he felt immediately after. But it was a pain that he welcomed. He'd rather feel this pain because he knew that it would end sooner or later. But the pain caused by the eternal emotional torment that he had be in for a month and a half and counting was different.

He had been angry at her because he had heard her accept a date with Mike Logan, formerly of Major Case and formerly of the 27th precinct. Of course, being married he could not fully voice out his displeasure and jealousy and it festered inside of him the entire day.

He was so jealous and so distracted by the unfamiliar feeling that he wasn't as en pointe as he usually was and Olivia almost got shot as they chased down a perp. Thankfully the bullet only grazed her shoulder and the injury was minor. She didn't even need stitches.

But when that happened, he realized he was in way deeper with Olivia than he thought. And that scared the shit out of him and elated the fuck out of him at the same time.

He put his hands on the sides of the sink he stood in front of. He gripped them hard as he stared at himself in the mirror. He dropped his head, unable to look at himself any more. But what he saw as he looked down made him despise the man staring back at him in that mirror even more. That band of gold on his left ring finger sparkled almost mockingly at him. He felt the urge to yank it off and flush it down the toilet. God knows, he didn't deserve the privilege of wearing the ring. He was an adulterous son of a bitch.

But what could he do, Olivia was intoxicating. He had been caught under her spell almost from the first day she walked into the 16th precinct. And finally he could no longer resist her powerful pull. He loved her – he knew it deep down, he loved her. But he had a wife with whom he had 5 kids with. And as he pictured Kathy with her long blonde hair, her beautiful smile and her loving ways, it also brought a smile to his face. God he loved her too. She was the mother of his children. And whatever happened for that alone, a part of him will always love her.

He had history with Kathy and a present. With Olivia, they too have history but very unlike the one with Kathy. But with Olivia, It was their present that made more of an impact to him and more important it was their future that he saw more clearly than a future with Kathy.

He saw Olivia's face in his head. Last night their lovemaking had been amazing. And the thought of her almost being shot today absolutely killed him.

Then he saw Kathy's face and the way she made love to him this morning.

"Fuck, Elliot what are you doing?"

He fought the urge to punch the wall again. Instead he just splashed cold water on his face again and sighed. As he left the restroom, he thought, once more "I can't do this anymore…"

_**Three people, one thought…what happens next? Get ready for a ride, dear readers. **_

_**In the meantime, please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Law & Order and Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. **_

**OLIVIA **

Saturday morning…

It was her day off. A Saturday. Olivia was having her morning coffee, enjoying her freedom from all the heartache that was part of her job. As she drank her coffee, she saw a shirt of Elliot's lying on the floor of her living room and she was immediately taken to what transpired between them last night.

He was different tonight. After he had brought her home from the hospital, he had pounced on her the moment they had closed the door behind them.

His lovemaking always intense was even more right now. She knew he felt guilty that she was almost shot and it was almost like he was apologizing to her with his body, through his lovemaking. He had driven her to orgasm three times already but he would not let himself go. Instead, he made it all about her. He refused to let her do anything, while he did everything to make her body sing. He worshipped her entire body, paid it homage. He made her cry out over and over – touching her everywhere, kissing her head to toe, making every hair on her skin stand and her toes curl.

When she tried to return the favor, he refused. She had cum in his mouth over and over. And when he was done, he had made her cum while inside her. He was tireless. It had been hours since they got here and he had given her a total of 5 mind blowing orgasms before he finally allowed her to give back.

And it he didn't go down without a fight. She had to practically wrestle him before he finally allowed himself to be the one lying down and she, the one straddling him and in control. He was about to speak in protest but she silenced him with a kiss. He struggled, not wanting to be given permission to let go, to feel good.

But she could be relentless too and she finally felt him succumb to her. The moment that happened, she tore her mouth away from him and looking at him straight in the eyes she whispered to him, "El, I'm okay. I'm okay, baby. Look at me."

They were not moving but his cock was buried deep in her wet pussy. He was hard and throbbing and he had yet to have release. Elliot turned away from her gaze and whispered back apologetically, "Oh, God Liv, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…" Once he let the words out he couldn't stop.

"Sssh.." Olivia turned his face towards her almost forcibly and kissed him again.

But still Elliot resisted and determinedly, turned away from her. "I'm so sorry Liv, you were almost shot and it's all my fault."

"El, I'm okay, it's okay. Please." She cupped his face in his hands more firmly this time so that he couldn't turn away and kissed him again. She felt tears slide down his cheeks and she drew away from his lips to kiss the tears the away. When his tears were gone she crashed her lips into his again and kissed him slowly – her mouth open and her tongue plunging into his mouth. Then Olivia started moving just as slowly up and down his cock.

The motions she was making felt so good and Elliot groaned into their kiss. Olivia felt his cock twitch inside her and broke their kiss. Putting her lips near his ear, she told him, "Let go Elliot. Cum for me. Cum inside me."

Elliot shook his head and told her, "No, Liv."

"I want you to." Olivia told him.

"Liv…"

His voice trailed off as Olivia pulled herself up and starting riding him deliberately. Elliot tried to slow her down, by grabbing her ass but Olivia refused to slow down. Instead, she started to go faster and faster.

Olivia moaned on top of him as she felt herself getting close yet to another orgasm, her 6th one tonight.

It was then that Elliot at last gave himself permission to let go, to feel good. He felt her pussy to contract and his hard shaft inside her twitched again.

He whimpered in pleasure and met her gaze. It was then he found himself asking her, "Liv, are you sure?"

Liv's nodded ascent was almost frenzied and her answer was breathless, riddled with desire. "God, Elliot, yes! Cum inside me."

At her delicious words, he began to match her every grind and thrust with one of his own. Their eyes never closed, despite the intense ecstasy running through every fiber of their being. They kept their eyes on each other until at last, Elliot gave a shout as he felt his orgasm barreling down the length of his shaft and he came over and over inside her. "Shit, oh God Liv."

It was the first time she ever felt his cum inside her and it drove Olivia to her edge. "Oh God, Elliot, yeah baby, cum inside me. Fucking feels so good, I'm cumming too…yeah...oh yeah…El!"

"Liv, shit! This is too good, I'm sorry, this is too much, I love you!"

In the midst of her own orgasm, she barely registered the words he had said. But then they sank in and she gasped, riding him even faster. Oh God, oh god, he didn't just say that! Not those words. Not to her. "Oh, El…Ah! Ah! Yeah…"

Olivia started to slow down her motions until she finally stopped. The second she did, Elliot reached up and pulled her down to him wrapping her in a tight embrace. They were both breathing hard, their bodies heated and sweaty. Once more Olivia's bedroom smelled of sex. She hated that he would have to go soon and he'd once again leave behind his scent that always made her crave for more of him.

He had stayed way past his usual time with her. It was now after midnight and he was still there. But for now, neither of them moved. Elliot was still buried inside her. She could feel the sperm he had spilled inside her mixed with her own cum, making her wetter than usual. Oh God, why did she let him cum inside her? Why had she told him to?

Beep! Suddenly, Olivia's eyes blinked rapidly. God, she had drifted off again. Ever since she and Elliot began this a month and a half ago, she would find herself just zoning out and remembering their encounters. Sometimes she wouldn't realize it until someone tapped her on the shoulder or until some sound distracted her. Maybe it was because each encounter was better than the previous one. But there you go. It was almost like her mind demanded an instant replay of each encounter.

Beep!

This time around, it was the sound of her iPhone signaling an incoming message. She hurriedly grabbed her phone and checked the message. It was from Mike Logan telling her that he was looking forward to tonight and that he'd pick her up at 7 pm.

Olivia sighed as she sent a reply confirming their date. Truthfully, she was both dreading the date and looking forward to it. She dreaded that he wasn't Elliot, but she was also hopeful. Maybe just maybe, she'll fall in love with Mike and she wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.

It was her day off and usually these days were very short ones. But now they stretched long and lonely. Determined to not think about Elliot, she abruptly got up and left her apartment. She was going to shop for something new for her date with Mike Logan.

**TBC…**

_**This is getting more and more complicated…up next we see more cracks in Kathy holding it together and Elliot getting more confused between the two women he loves…**_

_**In the meantime, please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista **_

_**Heart Chant chapter 14 will be up by tonight or this weekend at the latest! **_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU are not mine, they are Dick Wolf's.**_

_**So I was supposed to be working on Chapter 14 of Heart Chant but then I started reading the reviews I got for Chapter 2 of this story and I have to admit that it bothered me that people thought that Olivia was just daydreaming about all that occurred there. **_

_**First of all my dear readers let me apologize if my writing there wasn't as clear and concise as it usually is. What I meant about Olivia daydreaming about it was that she was recalling all of that with Elliot. It's like when we go out on a fantastic date and the next day our friend or colleagues find us in a daydreamy mood because we keep remembering what happened with our date. That's what Olivia was doing in my head and I totally apologize if it came across just as a normal daydream. In any case, I've revised that part, changed the wording actually so that there's no more misunderstanding.**_

_**In the meantime, about this chapter, I'm not going to lie, this will not be an easy read. You may end up not liking any of the three people but like I told someone I like this to be realistic not fairy tale like. In any case, I do hope you all still enjoy this chapter. Please review! **_

**KATHY**

Saturday late morning

"Oh God, yeah! Ahhh…" Elliot cried, giving one big push, as he ejaculated. He stayed still inside her until his orgasm finished. Once he was done he quickly pulled out and rolled over to his side of the bed, spent.

His breathing was still a bit rapid like always when he was still coming down from an orgasm and she turned to him, putting her arms around him. "That's was amazing, as always…" Kathy smiled at him.

"Yeah..." He smiled back at her and so she took his response as agreement.

They lay there like that, her arms around him and Elliot playing absentmindedly with her hair until they both realized it was close to noon. So reluctantly they got out of bed. As Elliot stood up, Kathy observed that how sexy he truly was. He was still semi hard and even just watching him peel off the used condom full of sperm was a bit of turn on.

About a month ago almost the same time she had discovered about his affair, he started to insist on wearing condoms whenever they had sex. At first, not knowing about Olivia, she had been upset. She asked him why. They were married. They were Catholic. The Catholic Church did not believe in artificial contraception. And again, they were married.

Elliot agreed, but he also said that they were not getting any younger and already had 5 kids. He knew the bad side effects of birth control pills so he'd rather take this precaution. At first, she did not want to agree. But they have been having sex a lot more nowadays – definitely more than 2x a month now and she knew he was right. She knew he was fertile and for some reason his sperm always found her egg. And so reluctantly she had agreed.

When she had found out about him and Olivia, she wanted to confront him and ask him if the reason for the condom was because he was sleeping with 2 women. But again, as much as she wanted to lash out and get angry, she loved him more and wanted to keep him more than she wanted to kick him out. After all, no one was perfect. And as their vows said, marriage was for better or worse. They've had the better times, so I suppose, at least for her, this was the worst of times.

He had come home very late last night. It was past 3 am when he got in. And again he went straight to the shower before coming to bed. In her mind she knew there was no way that he had come from court preparations. Not until 3 am. Sadly and angrily she knew he had been with Olivia again.

It was getting more frequent she realized his dalliances with her. Added to that, they were partners too and so all in all Olivia was definitely with him more than she was. And she was his wife not Olivia. She was going to have to do something about this. She really couldn't take it anymore.

"Kath?" She heard Elliot call out to her breaking her reverie.

"Aren't you going to join me?" He asked. Kathy heard water running and knew that he was in the shower.

"Coming!"

And with that, she joined her husband in a Saturday morning shower.

**KATHY**

Sunday morning

"Are you going to be home late again tonight?" Kathy asked him as he put on his coat getting ready to leave for his shift at the 16th precinct.

There was an edge to Kathy's voice and Elliot heard it. He paused but then decided not to take the bait. If he did, he'd be late for his shift. So instead, he merely shrugged and replied in a non-confrontational tone, "I don't know yet. Hopefully not. I'll call you later and let you know. If nothing comes up I should be home by 8."

Kathy was a bit surprised that he didn't take her bait and for another second she wanted to goad him into a fight. They had a fight last night and she wasn't over it.

They had taken the kids into Manhattan for a family night and it would have been a success had they not run into Olivia and her date. The kids love Gray's Papaya and had begged their parents to take them there. And so Elliot and Kathy had given in. Unfortunately, as they exited the popular hotdog joint, who was going in but Olivia and a guy named Mike Logan. According to the introductions, Mike was a former cop out of the Major Case Squad. Logan. Another Irish man. What was it with Olivia and Irish men?

Kathy had watched Elliot and Olivia closely and she had to hand it to them. If she hadn't seen them making out like teenagers before, she would have never suspected anything between them. Olivia definitely looked like she was enjoying her date with Mike. She was laughing out loud at something he said when they walked in. And why shouldn't be? Mike was handsome with dark hair and very sexy green eyes – the only thing wrong with him as far as she was concerned was the plaid tie he was wearing. For heaven's sake who wore plaid ties?

She didn't see any discernible effect on Elliot until they reached home and the kids were already in bed. Knowing what she knew about Olivia and him, admittedly she suddenly felt insecure and she was the one who tried to seduce him. But for the first time in a long time, Elliot had not responded. He had given the excuse that he had to be on duty early tomorrow and he'd rather just take a rain check.

She was incensed when he used those words. Rain check! How dare he! A rain check! She had ordered him to sleep on the couch and he had gotten angry. He said he was tired and he'd like to sleep in his own comfortable bed.

"Fine." That's what she had said. "I'll sleep in Maureen's old room."

And that's exactly what she did, which brought her to this morning.

"You know my work is…things can pop up last minute."

"Yeah, right…well I guess I'll see you when you decide you want to come home." Kathy answered back, her voice still cold.

Elliot sighed. "Can we talk about this later? Okay I need to get to work."

He tried to kiss her goodbye, but Kathy just turned away. Throwing up his hands, he left.

Kathy stood by their doorway, watched him drive away until he was out of sight. She sighed a very heavy and trouble sigh as she turned and went in to get wake up the kids and get ready for Sunday Mass.

**OLIVIA**

"So how was the date with big bad Mike Logan, Liv?" Much asked, grinning.

John had been friends with Mike's old partner from the 2-7 Lennie Briscoe and thus John had become friends with Mike as well. He knew that Mike was single and though there were times that he had a reputation with the ladies, he also knew that Mike had changed. He was older and hopefully, if John was reading him right, he was ready to settle down.

"It was great! He's no longer big bad Mike Logan." Olivia replied, truly sincere about her statement. Despite the fact that they had run into Elliot and Kathy, it was true that she and Mike had a good time. Mike could be a pretty funny guy. She had heard that he could have a temper too but now that he was no longer working for the NYPD and in the private sector, she didn't even see a hint of that famous temper. And for that she was glad.

"Well that's a change and that's really good to hear Liv." John remarked, looking somewhat surprised at her response but grinning happily when she said it.

"Yeah, Liv. That's awesome. You need other men in your life aside from us, and especially Stabler."

Olivia laughed out loud and replied, "Oh come on Fin. What's wrong with you all?"

"Nothing, but you know there are more than four men in the world right? It's not just Elliot, me, John and Cap?"

Olivia was still chuckling and she replied, "Of course."

"Good. So are you gonna see him again?" John asked.

"See who?" Suddenly Elliot's voice rang out and Olivia's heart began to race. She had known at some point today, knowing Elliot, her date with Mike would be brought up. But she didn't think it would be from the second he walked in.

Olivia turned her head towards him and she knew he could see and read the apprehension in her eyes. But before she could answer it was Fin who answered for her, "Didn't you know? Liv had a sizzling hot date with Mike Logan last night."

"Really?" Elliot eyed Olivia, who suddenly blushed. "Was it really that hot Liv?"

Hating the fact that Elliot was putting her in this position, she lifted her head and met his eyes defiantly, "Well no, not yet. But it has potential. A lot of potential. And to answer your question John, yes, I am seeing him again."

Fin gave a big cheer then and said, "Hell yeah, Benson! Go for it. You deserve some happiness. Didn't the Cap know him? You should get tips from him."

"Well I'm not sure that is such a good idea but thanks."

Just then Captain Cragen came out of his office and called out, "Tutuola! Munch! Get your butts in here now!"

John rolled his eyes at the command and replied, "Coming oh Captain my Captain!" His voice was a mocking singsong to which Fin found himself laughing at.

When the other two were gone, Olivia quickly made herself look busy at her desk. But she already knew he wasn't going to let her get away with anything. And she was right. Just several seconds after the Captain's door closed behind Fin and Munch, Elliot walked up to her desk, bent down and whispered in her ear in a not so happy tone, "You and I need to talk."

She looked at him and asked, "Now? I'm busy Elliot. And I'm sure the Captain is going to want to see us next."

"Fine. But you and I will be going to lunch downtown."

Lunch downtown or dinner downtown was their code for checking into the St. Mark's Hotel.

"El, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"It's your choice Liv – it's either lunch downtown or after work at your place or right now at the cribs. But one way or another, we are going to talk."

She looked at his blue eyes which were blazing with both anger and desire. And though she hated herself for it, for some reason that cocky, egotistical attitude of his turned her on so much. In fact, she just got a little bit wet the way he just handled her now. Whether she was angry at herself or not, she found herself nodding. "Lunch downtown then."

She would have actually preferred it to have been at her place after work, but having Elliot in this kind of mood the entire day was not going to be fun, so she'd rather talk with him sooner rather than later.

"Good girl." Elliot said.

Olivia swallowed and then stood up. She needed to walk away from him just for a minute. He was projecting so much intense emotions that she found it a little hard to breath around him right now. "You want some coffee? I'm gonna get some."

Elliot didn't even bother to look at her as he shook his head no. Any other time, Olivia would have been pissed but right now, she was glad and she quickly walked away.

**ELLIOT**

He pinned her against the door of the room that they were given at the St. Mark's.

He unzipped her pants and then together with her panties he pulled them down forcefully before he shoved two fingers into her dripping pussy. Finger fucking her, while she was flush against him, Elliot took his free hand and held her face while he looked at her and asked, "So Liv, tell me about your date. How hot was it?"

"Fuck you, Elliot."

"I know you want that darling, I can feel it."

"Fuck you." Olivia repeated.

Elliot chuckled without mirth. He felt a little sick for what he was doing to her but he couldn't help it. He was jealous. REALLY JEALOUS. And maybe he should just admit it.

Elliot gazed at Olivia's eyes and he could see the dangerous sparks flying from them. He stopped laughing and his expression became agonized while he continued with the in and out of his fingers in her pussy.

"Liv, I'm sorry, fuck it, I'm jealous."

"What?" Olivia gasped then she moaned as Elliot hit a particular spot inside her. "OH God, El, that feels good!"

"Yeah, you like me being jealous?" Elliot knew he sounded like a dick right now but he couldn't help it.

"No baby, what you're doing to me feels so good!"

"So good that maybe you won't see Mike anymore?"

Elliot reached for his fly and unzipped himself. He pushed his pants and boxer briefs down with his free hand and took out his hardened cock. Then pulling out his finger from her dripping core, he grunted, breached her entrance and then buried his cock inside her. He grabbed her thighs and wrapped them around his waist and started to pummel her against the door

"Tell me you're not gonna see him anymore, Liv."

"Oh fuck, El, your cock feels so good inside me, baby. Are you gonna cum inside me again?"

"You bet I am, Liv, because you know what, even if you don't admit it, you're mine. You know it. You've known it since the day we met."

"Fuck you, Elliot." Olivia said again but then she gave a little whimper. "God damn it, that feels so good, faster El!"

"Say it Liv, say you're mine."

"No, you're married."

"So what?"

He wanted her to hear her say that she was his. Though they didn't talk about it last Friday, Elliot did remember what he had cried in the midst of his orgasm and he knew that he meant it too. He did love her. Problem was, he loved Kathy too.

But right now, he was with Olivia. He knew he had Kathy but Olivia…Olivia was a different story. He felt like that maybe Olivia wasn't in this as deep as he is. That he was just a momentary affair until she found the right guy. And he didn't want that. Yes, the fact that he wanted her and he didn't want to get divorced was fucking selfish but there it was. The truth. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. At least for now. He knew there would come a time that he would need end one but right now, he just wanted the best of both worlds.

Elliot put his arms around her ass and pushed her off the door and put her down on the bed. He pulled out and then told her in a voice that could only be described as harsh with desire, "On your fours, Liv."

Olivia was trembling with want and immediately did as he asked. He could see that him being jealous was turning her on a lot. He could see that she wanted him to take her, command her and make her shout his name.

Seeing Olivia's ass in the air, her knees on the bed slightly apart exposing her dripping wet slip through the back was fucking erotic as hell and he could not hold back. He lined his hard shaft against her aching and wet core and plunged. Olivia put her hands on the headboard of the bed to support herself when she felt him thrusting in and out of her almost violently. He knew she could feel and hear his balls slapping against her ass. His movements weren't frenzied but each thrust was hard and powerful. Seeing his cock going in and out of that pussy and how it good felt made him all the more crazy that she could have been doing this with Mike last night.

"Did you fuck him, Liv?"

She seemed so lost in their lovemaking that she didn't answer and Elliot repeated his question, his jealousy so evident with each syllable.

"No, ah! Oh my God! El, that feels so good!" Olivia moaned.

"Answer my question." Elliot grunted out while his balls slapped against her ass as he thrust once more inside her.

"No, I didn't…"

He heard her voice trail off and knew there was a but there. So he had to ask. "But…?"

"But I really wanted to." Olivia confessed. "Oh God, El, I'm so close." She whimpered loudly.

At her words, Elliot pulled out and he turned her around making her lie on her back this time. He saw Olivia's flushed face and her tortured expression and he knew that she was lying.

"You're lying to me."

"No, I'm not."

"Fuck you, Liv."

"You already are."

"Say it, Liv, say you're mine."

"No. I am not yours and you are not mine."

"Do you want me to be?" Elliot asked as he slid his cock into her again. This time, his thrusts were not hard but they were slow and gentle and deliberate. Then he put his hand in between them and started rubbing Olivia's clit, bringing her just on the brink but not quite yet.

"I…I can't answer that Elliot." Olivia stammered. Her heart was beating fast from more than just their lovemaking but from his words.

"Didn't you hear what I said last Friday as we were making love?"

"What?" Olivia's heart raced even faster. No, he was not about to bring that up, was he?

"I know you know what I said." Elliot continued to rub her clit and thrust in and out of her. While he continued his mind blowing motions, he bent down and whispered in her ear. "Do you want me to say it again, Liv?"

"No, not if you don't mean it." Olivia whispered back.

"But I do mean it. I mean it very much. I love you, Olivia Benson. You're mine and I am yours."

Elliot knew his sexual prowess gave Olivia very great pleasure but today, he knew it was his words that brought her to her heaven. The moment he said what he had said, he felt Olivia clench around his cock and she started to pulsate and she cried out. "OH GOD, ELLIOT! I'm cumming, oh God, you're cock is just so ah! AH!"

The pulsating of her pussy around his cock was too much for Elliot too and all of sudden, he felt his dick twitch and the next thing he knew, he was shouting Olivia's name to the high heavens. "OLIVIA. You're mine, only mine Olivia! Oh my God that feels so fucking good! I love you! I love you!" His cock spurt over and over as he spilled his seed inside her, her pussy milking him.

When their orgasms faded, Elliot collapsed on top of Olivia, leaving himself buried inside her pussy. He was breathing hard and so was Olivia. A few moments later, he lifted himself up. He looked at Olivia and said again, "You're mine Liv."

Unable to answer him at that exact instant, Olivia simply pulled him to her and kissed him hungrily leading him to make love with her a second time.

After they were done with their second round, they knew they had to get back to work and as Olivia was in the bathroom, Elliot sat on the bed waiting for her. He looked down on his hands and saw his band of gold again. He looked up and sighed. He was in love with Olivia. He knew that. And he knew she was in love with him. Mike was just a distraction – he was sure of it. The problem was he loved Kathy too. What was he going to do? How he can he love two women?

He needed help and advice. Who could he turn to?

He heard the sink in the bathroom turn off and he knew that Olivia was done. Sighing he stood up, ready to get out of there. He'd think about it later but right now, he and Olivia needed to get back to work.

_**TBC…**_

_**As Rhonda Roo told me…oh what a tangled web we weave….**_

_**Elliot is in this way deeper than he thought and Olivia has yet to admit that she feels the same. And Kathy, Kathy is definitely not getting what she deserves. So what happens now? Does someone tell Olivia that Kathy knows. Or does someone tell Kathy that it just isn't sex with Elliot and Olivia that it's deeper than that. And will Elliot find out that Kathy knows? **_

_**All coming up, dear readers. Hope you enjoyed! Please review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_**Author's Note: Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU and its characters are not mine (damn it!) LOL. **_

_**So I know I promised a smut filled chapter of Heart Chant but I have to ask for your patience on that. I just feel more inspired to write this story for now. But not to worry, Heart Chant will be updated soon. But for now, this is an epic update. And I'm sure a lot of you will be glad to hear that it's also smut filled. Hahaha…In any case, please do read and review! Thanks in advance!**_

**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

Thursday, about 230 pm

"God damn, Liv!" Elliot grunted, lust evident in his voice.

He couldn't believe that they were in their police issued sedan, fucking in the middle of the afternoon. They had just come from questioning someone in their latest case, a rape-homicide. That someone happened to be a woman named Cathy who was barely 30 years old, model thin and blonde. And she had come on to Elliot.

Elliot admittedly flirted back because he wanted to turn the tables on Olivia. If she can go out and flirt and all with Mike Logan, well he can do something similar. And if it was with a blonde named Cathy so much the better.

He could see Olivia was stewing when they left the office. He prepared himself for a tongue lashing but what he wasn't prepared was the way she pounced on him as soon as they got in the car.

Olivia had straddled him and she reached for the lever on the side of driver's seat, making the seat go down.

"So El, did you want to fuck her?" Olivia asked, her voice dangerously low and her eyes narrowed. Her hand moved in between them and she started to stroke his shaft through his pants. Her stroking was deliberate and relentless. "Answer me, El, did you?"

She was looking at him straight in the eye but he could barely concentrate on her words because he was already so turned on.

"Answer me Elliot." Olivia demanded.

She unzipped his fly and pulled his pants down along with his boxer briefs, exposing his long, thick and hard cock which was already standing up. She began to rake her nails along its length making it twitch and Elliot curse. "FUCK, Liv."

"El," Olivia whispered, her tone still ominous as she leaned down and put her mouth to his ear, still stroking his hard shaft with relentless fingers, "Answer me. Did you want to fuck her?" She gave a deliberate whimper and continued, "I'm fucking wet, Elliot but you don't get to fuck me until you answer my question."

He swallowed hard. He had never seen her act this way. Then it hit him. She was jealous. His nervousness faded and he chuckled. "I think you want to fuck me more than I want to fuck you right now."

"Bastard." Olivia exclaimed. She tightened her grip on his cock with one hand while the other she wet two fingers with her saliva. Once that was accomplished, she put that hand on his cock while the two moistened fingers rubbed along the slit of his cock, spreading his pre-cum around the head.

Elliot moaned and Olivia felt his cock twitch in her hand again. "God, Liv."

"Answer the question, El."

But true to his stubborn nature, he did not give her and answer.

"Fine. If that's how you want to play it." Suddenly, Olivia got off of him and settled on the passenger seat. "Zip yourself up and let's go."

He blinked rapidly from his position and stammered, "Wh…what? You're joking right? You're gonna leave me like this."

"Yes."

"Fuck you, Liv." Elliot spat out, sitting up and zipping his pants closed.

"It was your call. You only needed to answer the question."

"Come off it, Liv. You were jealous."

"No I wasn't. I just wanted you to admit it."

"You're lying."

Olivia shrugged, looking very nonchalant now that it was pissing him off. "You can think whatever. It's okay. I don't need to fuck you. I'll get all I need from Mike later – it's our third date. And you know what third dates signify."

That did it. Elliot pulled her back on top of him and emitted a loud growl. He pulled her head down and crashed his lips into hers in a hot, urgent kiss. His hands went around her ass and it pushed her against him.

Then all at once Elliot tore his mouth from hers and told her almost harshly, "No, you're not fucking Mike Logan, Liv. You can't."

"I can't? Why not? You fuck your wife so why can't I fuck whoever else I want to fuck?"

"Because of this." Elliot replied as he pulled her pants down exposing her bare mound. He put his two fingers inside her and then twisted them, once and then twice before pulling them back out. He showed them to her. They were glistening with her juices.

Olivia moaned and didn't reply. Instead she attacked his pants again and once more exposed his hard cock. Then still not replying she impaled herself on it with one push and Elliot was inside her to the hilt.

"Damn Liv, that feels good. And I know you feel the same way. No, you're not fucking Mike Logan, not tonight or any other night."

He waited for reply. He could see in her eyes and the way she bit her lip that she was so turned on. God, he could feel it - her desire. She was so wet. "Yes, I am El. I am fucking him tonight and any other night I want."

"Fuck you, Liv."

Olivia ignored him and instead started moving up and down on Elliot's cock. He could see his cock going in and out of her. It was such an erotic scene that it was all he could do from crying out.

"Oh God, El that feels so good. Your cock is so hard, damn, baby. But I'm thinking Mike can make me cry out too. I bet his cock will feel just as amazing if not better inside me." Olivia was whimpering, almost crying in pleasure.

"God damn you, Liv. OH God, move faster, baby." Elliot's hands were on her ass, squeezing the cheeks while Olivia obeyed him, moving faster now.

"Oh the things you can make me do, baby." Olivia murmured. "Shit."

He continued to look at her. Her eyes were closed while she bit her lower lip as she continued to ride him hard. She was making him feel so good but all of a sudden, he could swear he was near tears. His voice had a tremor as he spoke, "Oh God, Liv, please I'm asking you…begging you…don't sleep with Mike. I don't think I can bear it."

Olivia opened her eyes and slowed her pace down. She sensed the change in him and it made her movements tender and gentle rather than frantic. "Elliot…" she began but then her voice trailed off as she felt her orgasm nearing.

Elliot felt that warning clench of her pussy and he knew she was near. He grunted and a few four letter words flew out of his mouth again. "Liv, my God, you don't know what you do to me!"

Olivia didn't seem to hear him, she had her eyes closed again and her motions had become faster again. "Elliot, so close…you feel so fucking good."

"Olivia, please…" Elliot asked again. "Oh God! Baby, you're gonna make me cum. That pussy of yours is just heaven. You make me feel so good. Ah..ah!"

All at once his orgasm came over him. His cock twitched and started spurt his semen inside Olivia's pussy. "Fuck…Liv…oh my…so good…too good…ah baby!" Thankfully there was no one in the parking garage and their windows were closed so no one heard him.

He knew Olivia was watching him as he came, he could hear her whimpers through his cries. He was feeling so much pleasure that he could barely force his eyes open but when he did, his orgasm that was waning came at him again.

Olivia had a finger in her mouth as she rode him up and down, her breasts though not free, were bouncing with each thrust. And then suddenly she was cumming too. Elliot felt her pussy clench hard around him and it made him grasp her ass hard. He knew he was going to leave bruises but it just felt too good.

"Shit, El!" Olivia cried out. She frantically moved up and down his cock, her pussy pulsating against him, milking him and making him moan and cry over and over. His cries mingled with hers until finally their orgasms finished, their cries quieted as well.

Olivia collapsed against him, breathing hard, trying to catch her breath. Elliot's heart was racing and he was still grasping Olivia's ass. He could feel their mingling wetness in between them. He hadn't pulled his pants all the way down before they had sex and he knew it was going to be wet. Ah, hell he'd deal with that later. Right now, he needed to deal with Olivia.

After a few minutes, Olivia sat up and looked at Elliot. Elliot returned her gaze and asked once more, "Liv, please. You cannot sleep with Mike Logan. I swear to you I couldn't bear it."

Olivia smiled, albeit sadly and replied, "El, that's not fair. You sleep with…her…"

"Are you asking me to choose, Liv?" He asked, still holding her gaze. At the back of his mind, he could not believe they were having this conversation in their sedan, in the middle of the afternoon, in a public parking garage where anyone could easily walk in on them and while he was still inside her.

Slowly Olivia shook her head and answered softly, "I would never do that, El."

"Why not, Liv?" He felt hurt that Olivia didn't seem to feel enough for him to fight for him. Somewhere from deep within him, as irrational as it was he wanted her to fight for him. He wanted her to tell him to choose between her and Kathy. Because if he was honest with himself, without an ultimatum, he didn't think he could choose.

"It isn't my place. And I would never live down the guilt of wrecking your family."

"Liv, we're already in this way deeper than we ever could be." Elliot admitted. "At least I am."

Olivia's mouth went dry and her breath hitched. "El…I..I…"

He could feel himself harden again inside her and he knew she felt it too. "Do you feel what you do to me?" Elliot's expression was agonized as he began to move her up and down his shaft again.

This time however, Olivia put the brakes on any further lovemaking. "Stop, El…"

"Don't you want to?"

Olivia groaned. "I do. I do, El. That's the problem. I want you all the time."

He could feel his face breaking into a broad smile as he heard her words. "You're mine Liv. Whether you admit it or not."

"No."

"Yes, you are. Why can't you admit it?"

"Admit what, Elliot? That's I'm your mistress? That I'm your other woman. Fuck, El! I don't want to be your other woman. I don't want to be anyone's other woman. I want to be the only woman for someone. And unfortunately that can't be you." Olivia was angry now. But nevertheless she didn't pull away and therefore, he was still buried inside her.

"Why not?" He asked even though he knew perfectly well why not.

"El, we are going around in circles. If you want me, you got me. But this is it, baby. And because of that, I'm sorry I cannot tell you that things won't go further with Mike. No he isn't you and maybe that's a good thing."

This time, Olivia made a motion to get up from the position she was in but Elliot stopped her. "Don't please." Elliot pleaded in a ragged voice. "I want to stay inside you, Liv."

Olivia's cheeks flushed and he could see the confusion in her eyes and face. "A week ago you didn't even want to cum inside me and now you just want to stay inside me. What changed El? Please tell me."

Elliot sat up and he cradled her face in his hands. His sapphire eyes met her brown ones and with barely any gap between them, he confessed, "What happened is that I realized that I am in love with you. That's what changed."

Olivia gasped and unbidden, tears sprang in her eyes, making them sparkle. "What about…?"

"I'm not going to lie, I love her too."

Olivia's jaw dropped open and the tears began to stream down her face. She dropped her head and cried out, "You can't do this. You cannot do this to me."

"Liv, I love you!"

"But you love Kathy too! Fuck you, Elliot. You can't have your cake and eat it too."

"I know." He breathed out. "I know. But…damn it Liv. I don't know what to do. I know I can't let you go. But I can't let her go either…"

Elliot looked every bit as tormented as Olivia and even though she knew that what he deserved was to be slapped, she couldn't do that. Instead she pulled him to her and embraced him. "I love you, Liv. I think I have for a long time."

Olivia could feel Elliot's tears coming down as well, making her shoulder wet. "El…" she whispered, "I…I…I wish it wasn't like this."

"Me, too." Elliot returned.

"I will never ask you to leave…" She swallowed hard unable to say Kathy's name. "…her…especially if you're just going to leave her for me."

"Why?"

"Because if you do leave her, I don't want the fact that I'm around the corner waiting for you to be your reason. If you leave her then I would want it that it was because you no longer love her the way you did when you married her and that you are not happy with her – whether I'm here or not."

"Oh God, Liv. I don't know what to do."

His voice was choked up as he lifted his head from Olivia's shoulder. He looked into her eyes knowing there was nothing else to say. There were no words right now and so instead of speaking, Olivia started moving up and down Elliot's shaft once more, making him hard and giving each of them the comfort amidst the pleasure that they so desperately need right then.

For the moment, that was all they had and it would have to do, for now.

**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

Thursday, 7:10 pm

"Wow, you look hot, Baby-Girl!" Fin exclaimed, giving a loud whistle.

Olivia had just walked into the bullpen. She had just come from the locker room and had just changed for her date with Mike. She was wearing a black dress that hugged her every curve. It had slender straps and a scooped neckline that allowed her to show her generous cleavage. Wearing simple gold hoops and her usual gold necklaces with and high black peep toe stilletos, she was a sight to behold.

Munch looked up from his desk and joined Fin in his hooting. "Damn, Liv, Mike is not going to know what hit him."

Olivia chuckled and replied, "Thanks, guys."

Elliot eyed Olivia but remained quiet. He knew that she could see sadness and jealousy in his expression so he didn't say anything. Unfortunately, John and Fin did not read him that way and had to bring him into the conversation.

"Yo, Stabler. Don't you think Baby girl looks hot?" Fin asked him, a grin on his face.

"Yeah, Elliot, you're awfully quiet." John agreed.

He forced a smile and replied, "Uh, yeah, sorry guys. Family stuff on my mind. Yeah, Liv, you look nice."

"Nice, just nice?" Munch smirked. "Come on Stabler. She looks more than nice. She looks like a million bucks. Mike Logan is going to be drooling all over her tonight. He's not going to have a chance."

"This is your what? Third date?" Fin asked, giving her a knowing look.

Olivia blushed seeing the look on Fin's face and Elliot saw it too. He could barely restrain himself from punching Fin right then and there. So instead, he simply gripped the armrests of his chair tightly. So tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Yeah it's our third date." Olivia admitted, smiling.

"Woohoo…third date…you know what that means, Liv." Munch declared, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously.

Olivia blushed a deep red and replied, "Stop it, John. Seriously."

"Just because it's their third date doesn't mean that she's going to jump into bed him, John." Elliot suddenly spoke up, an edge to his voice.

He knew that Olivia heard that edge and she looked at him apprehensively. She could see a vein on his forehead pulsating in restrained anger and jealousy.

"Why not? He's single, she's single – they're adults…they can do what they want to do…"

And just before Elliot thought he couldn't stand it any longer, Olivia jumped in with a laugh and said, "John, you'd be the last guy I tell if I did sleep with Mike."

John pouted. "And why would that be?"

"Because you're a pervert."

"No I'm not." Munch protested, giving a mock pout, but a smile tugging his lips.

"Yes, you are!" Fin said, agreeing with Olivia.

"Don't you want to have mind blowing sex with him?" John asked, his eyes were twinkling with mirth.

And once again Elliot wanted to pound him. He saw Olivia glance at him nervously again before she replied with a laugh once more, "That's none of your business, Munch."

"Yeah, Munch, it's none of your business." Elliot interjected, the cold edge in his voice, clearer now.

And Munch heard it. His eyes widened in realization. His eyes danced with mischief as he replied, "Oooh, someone's jealous. Stabler's jealous that his Olivia is going out on a date with another Irish man who isn't him."

"Shut up, Munch." Olivia and Elliot said at the same time.

Fin looked at Olivia and Elliot then at Munch. Munch was clearly enjoying himself while Elliot and Olivia were clearly uncomfortable. Suddenly the tension in the bullpen was thick and Fin tried to lighten the atmosphere. "John, come on, leave Baby Girl alone."

Munch threw his hands in the air and with a teasing grin still on his face, he said, "Fine, fine, I'll leave Olivia alone…but I stand by my statement."

Suddenly, Elliot couldn't take anymore and stood up. "I'm just going to grab a sandwich from the nearby bodega. If my _**wife**_ comes," he emphasized the word wife and with a selfish sort of satisfaction he saw Olivia flinch, "while I'm gone, tell her I'll be right back. Liv, have fun with Mike. I'll see you tomorrow."

Then without another word, he grabbed his coat and left.

"I told you he was jealous." Munch reiterated.

This time it was Olivia and Fin who told him at the same time, "Shut up, Munch."

"Alright, alright. Touche. Touchy aren't we?" John raised his eyebrow before turning his attention back to the paperwork he was finishing.

"You okay, Liv?" Fin asked her gently.

"Yeah, I am Fin. Thanks."

"Don't mind him. You know how he is."

"I know don't worry. I'm fine. I'll just finish some paperwork till Mike arrives." Olivia said, closing the topic and hoping Fin would take the hint to leave her alone.

"Alright, Baby-girl."

And with that Fin, turned back to his own paperwork, leaving Olivia to wait for Mike and agonize about Elliot.

**KATHY**

Thursday, 7:25 pm

Kathy was walking towards the 16th precinct, when suddenly she saw Elliot run out. He was running so quickly that even though she was only about 30 feet from where he had come out, he didn't see her.

She was about to call out to him when she saw him lean against the wall, an expression of anger and anguish in his face. Something in her told her to wait and not approach him. And her instincts proved correct. A few moments later, she saw Mike Logan walk up to the 16th precinct. Her heart began to thud loudly. So his dear Olivia had a date. That's why he looked so upset.

Quickly, she entered the precinct after Mike. If Olivia was still there, she wanted to make her presence felt so that she'd remember that Elliot was still married to her.

She did not catch Mike at the elevators because it had already closed behind him when she entered. So she took the next one was came just a few seconds after the one Mike took.

When she emerged from the elevator, she walked into the bullpen and saw Mike at Olivia's desk. Kathy's heart dropped at the sight of Olivia. She looked so gorgeous in the black dress that she was wearing that next to her Kathy felt so drab.

She had just come from her shift in the hospital so she was only her scrubs underneath her coat. Her make-up had faded and her blonde hair was haphazardly tied up with a loose ponytail. She definitely did not look her best.

She did not say a word, but stood back just looking at Olivia and Mike. She had to admit they made a handsome couple. And she wished with all her heart that Olivia realized that too. So that she'd leave Elliot alone. "Please, God!" Kathy prayed silently but fervently.

"Hey Kathy!" Suddenly she heard someone call her name breaking her out of her reverie.

She saw that it had been Fin who greeted her and she gave him a smile. "Hey Fin, John and Olivia… where's Elliot? I'm supposed to pick him up."

"Yeah. Elliot went to the bodega around the corner. Something about grabbing a sandwich. Why don't you sit down first?" John told her.

"Sure."

Kathy walked to Elliot's desk and deliberately plopped herself in his empty chair. "Hey Olivia."

"Hey Kathy." Olivia greeted her partner's wife. "You remember Mike?"

Kathy nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, hi!"

"Hey." Mike greeted her, his low voice sounding very sexy to Kathy. She hoped to God that it sounded sexy to Olivia too.

"So you guys have a date?"

"Yeah." Mike replied. "Olivia and I are having dinner and drinks."

"Sounds like fun."

"It always is with her. Maybe you and Elliot can join us sometime – like a double date?"

Beside him, Olivia gave a silent gasp and a momentary look panic crossed her face. It came and went so fast that Kathy wasn't sure if she had imagined it. "Sure." She replied. "That sounds fun. Just let us know when."

"Great."

"Anyway, Mike it's almost 7:30 and you said our reservations are at 8?" Olivia cut in, forcing a smile onto her face.

"Yup, we better go." Mike reached for her coat and assisted Olivia in putting it on. "It was nice to see you again, Kathy."

"Same here, Mike." Kathy replied.

"Hey guys!" Mike raised his voice and waved to John and Fin. "We're leaving."

John raised his hand in acknowledgement and told Mike teasingly, "Mike I have great expectations with you two! Don't disappoint me!"

"Munch!" Olivia admonished. "I swear!"

Fin gave his partner a mock dirty look and replied, "Munch, shut up! Bye Baby Girl. You take care of our girl, Mike, ya hear?"

"I will guys!"

"Bye John, Fin…Kathy." Olivia said as well. And with one final wave, they left.

However just as they walked away, Olivia couldn't help it and she looked back. Her skipped a beat as she saw Kathy looking at her while she sat on her husband's chair, a cold look in her eyes.

**ELLIOT AND KATHY**

Thursday, around 9 pm

"Elliot, is everything okay?" Kathy asked him for the nth time as they pulled into the garage of their Glen Oaks residence.

Elliot could barely suppress a sigh of impatience when she asked him that question again. But he didn't want to get into a fight with her. All he wanted to do was get in, have a beer while watching TV then sleep. He did not want to get into it with Kathy tonight.

"I'm okay, Kath. Just tired. It was long and hard day at work."

"Are you sure, that's all it is?" Kathy asked, looking intently at him.

A little voice in her head was telling her to tell him that she about Olivia and him now. But she knew given his mood, this would not bode well for either of them. So for now, she kept her mouth shut about that.

He could feel that vein on his forehead throb as he answered Kathy, "Yes, Kathy. We had another shitty case with a tragic victim handed to us. Okay?"

"Okay." She paused and then asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Kathy sighed, then with an extreme sadness in her voice told him, "Elliot help me out here, please. I'm trying."

Elliot had parked the car by now and switched it off. He sighed and faced Kathy, "I know, Kath. I'm sorry. It's just been a really long day. This new case is really bad and I'm sorry it's not that I don't want to talk to you, but you know I don't like to bring that home with me…"

"Do you talk about it with Olivia?" Kathy asked, not looking at him.

Elliot was silent for a minute then nodded. "She's my partner."

"Okay." Kathy replied, her voice soft.

"Kath.."

"No it's okay, Elliot. I understand.."

Elliot reached for his wife then, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly albeit briefly. "Thank you."

Kathy nodded. "I love you, Elliot."

Elliot's stopped for a second at her words and he was unable to speak. But then he started to see the panic in Kathy's eyes when he didn't say it back and he didn't want to fight with her. Not tonight. And so to pacify her he simply replied, "I love you, too Kath."

Kathy smiled and gave him a tender kiss. They looked at each other for a minute when they broke apart and then Kathy told him, "Let's go in, El. The kids are waiting forus."

And with that, she got out of the car and Elliot followed suit.

_**TBC…**_

_**Uh oh, this is getting more and more complicated and now Mike is somewhat in the picture. What happens next? All coming up! In the meantime, please do review here and in Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: Law & Order and Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

_**You can't deny everything forever…**_

_**This is quite an emotional chapter – and it was quite hard to write because of the deep emotions I tried to convey and I hope I succeeded in conveying. In any case, my dear readers, I hope you enjoy this. Please do review! It takes only a moment of your time! And thank you for the reviews thus far! **_

**OLIVIA**

Friday morning, 8:50 am

"So can I bring you up to your bullpen?" Mike asked Olivia, smiling at her gently.

They were standing at the entrance of the 16th precinct. Mike and Olivia had just come from a breakfast.

Olivia laughed and replied, "I'd love that but you do know what you're getting yourself into right?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, but his deep green eyes were twinkling with mirth.

"You know they're going to think that we…" Olivia's voice faded and she blushed slightly.

Mike gave a shout of laughter. "Who cares? Do you?"

For a split second, she saw in her mind what Elliot's expression would be like and she almost said no. But then she reversed her decision. If she was ever going to get out of her affair, there were only two things she could do. Force Elliot's hand without actually forcing it or let go and move on with Mike. If she went up with him, then she might actually start to accomplish both.

She chuckled back and replied, "Hell no. They can think whatever."

"Yeah." Mike answered back, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her close. "They can think whatever. Even though we know that we only just went for breakfast."

"I know." Olivia said, still smiling and Mike bent down and gave her a soft kiss on the lips which she returned eagerly.

After a few moments, they broke apart and Mike offered his hand to Olivia. Without another word she accepted and they walked into the 16th precinct up to the SVU floor.

**ELLIOT**

Friday morning, 8:58 am

He was just making his way into the bullpen from the locker rooms when he suddenly he heard a loud wolf-whistle coming from there followed by loud woot woot from someone who could only be Fin. And all at once, his heart started to beat faster. Somehow he knew whatever was causing that, he wasn't going to like.

And he was right. The moment he walked in there, he saw Olivia with Mike. He had brought her to the precinct? And not just to the precinct but all the way up to the squad room? He felt his face flush and a wave of jealousy flooded over his entire body. How could she bring him up here and parade the fact that she had spent the night with him here? This was their space, their place.

Elliot quickly scooted out of sight before anyone could see him and watched them. He could see that Mike had his hand on the small of Olivia's back and she was all smiles.

They were laughing with Fin and John. They looked happy. And suddenly he felt not jealous but sad. He could see that Olivia was happy and having fun. He should just let her go. But even as he knew that was the right thing and the best thing for him and her, he also knew instantly, it wasn't something he was capable of doing right now.

He sighed, debating whether or not to just go there. Officially he and Olivia were just partners and friends, so she wasn't doing anything wrong. But then again, it still felt wrong. Somehow he felt that she was his. Olivia was his. Not Mike's or anyone else's. Just his.

"_But what about Kathy?"_ A nagging voice suddenly spoke in his head.

Elliot shut his eyes tightly, trying to make the voice in his head go away. "Kathy's mine too." He thought.

"_You can't have them both, Elliot. You have to choose." _

"Yes, I can.

"_No you cannot. You're Catholic, you know what you're doing is a sin. Think about Kathy, your kids and Olivia. They don't deserve this. None of them do. You need to choose. You can't be married to Kathy and have Olivia on the side. It is NOT fair."_

The voice in his head was insistent now and louder. Deep down he knew it was right. But he wasn't ready to admit it. He wasn't ready to let anyone go. He wasn't ready to sit down and really think about all of this. All he knew was he wanted Olivia and that he loved her. But he also knew as much as that was true, he also loved his wife. So maybe she was not as intoxicating as Olivia and maybe she couldn't share with him the things that he and Olivia shared, but she was his wife. They had been together for more than 20 years – she was all he knew. And they had a good life with five beautiful kids.

"_But is it enough?"_ There was that voice again.

Elliot shook his head trying to rid it of the voice that was taunting him, making him decide, making him feel and choose the right path. "Can't I love both of them?" He thought.

"_Yes you can but not in the same way. You can't make love with both of them. You can't have both of them at the same time." _

"I know." He finally acknowledged. "But I'm not ready to choose."

"_You'll never be ready Elliot. You just need to. That's all." _

Elliot sighed once more and then deciding for the meantime to not think about it too much, he took a deep breath and made his way back to the bullpen.

Fortunately by the time he got there Mike was gone and Olivia was seated at her desk.

"Hey, Liv." He greeted her.

"Hey, El. Good morning." She smiled broadly at him.

"You're in a good mood." He remarked.

Olivia blushed and replied, "Oh. Ah, yeah. I guess I am."

"Of course she is!" Munch suddenly interrupted their private conversation. "You weren't here Stabler but Mike just left. They had breakfast together, if you know what I mean?"

"Hey Munch, come over here and stop bothering Baby Girl and Stabler." Fin called out to his partner. He knew Munch's theory that Elliot was jealous of Mike and Olivia's relationship and he did not really want him to anger Elliot. If Munch put Elliot in a bad mood, it would make the day hell for Olivia.

Elliot saw Olivia turn to Fin and mouth, "Thank you" while Fin responded by giving her a thumbs up sign.

Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. They were off the hook for now.

**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

Friday night, about 8:00 pm

"Hey, El. Are you okay? You've been kind of quiet and aloof the entire day."

It was the end of the day and Elliot was driving her to her apartment. Normally by now they would know if Elliot would come up or not, but today was different. For some reason, Olivia could see that he was guarded. He only spoke to her when she spoke to him and when he did; it was in short, monosyllabic words.

"I'm okay." He replied to her question, but did not look at her. Instead he just looked straight ahead.

Olivia sighed but did not pursue it. She knew it was the fact that Mike had brought her to the precinct today that was bothering him. He was trying to not let it get to him but it was. Fin and John kept talking about it and about how they had breakfast together as well about how Mike seemed so calm now.

By now they had reached her apartment building and Elliot pulled over, parking in the street. "So…" Olivia spoke up. "Are you coming up?"

Elliot looked at her and asked softly, "Do you want me to?"

Olivia sighed. "You know things weren't this complicated with us before, El."

"I know, Liv." Elliot answered. Another short reply.

Olivia sighed impatiently and then trying not to think about why too much, she reached for his hand and held it firmly yet gently in both of hers. "El?"

"Yeah."

Elliot was still not looking at her. Instead, his eyes were on his lap. However at the same time, he had not pulled his hand away from her grasp.

"Look at me. Please."

Stubborn Stabler was alive and present at the moment and while he let her hold him, he would still not look at her.

"Please." Olivia repeated softly, her voice hitching with emotion.

Elliot heard the catch in her voice and finally looked up at her. What he saw in her face made him even more out of sorts and confused. At the same time, he felt hurt and happy at the same time.

Olivia's eyes were shining with unshed tears now and she squeezed her eyes to keep them from falling once his gaze was on her. She took a couple of deep breaths and once she calmed down, she looked straight into his sapphire eyes and told him, "I didn't sleep with him, El."

"You didn't?" There was a note of doubt there.

"No, I didn't."

"But you were with him first thing this morning."

"Yes, I was. We had breakfast. But it was just that, El. Breakfast. I told him I wanted to take things slow and he was okay with that."

Elliot began to smile and then impulsively he leaned forward and kissed Olivia. Olivia felt herself melting as his lips touched hers. Wrong or not, kissing him was an experience that she wanted to keep happening over and over.

When they pulled apart, they were breathing a bit heavily. "Are you going to come up?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, I am."

"Good."

They got out of the car and proceeded to Olivia's apartment.

**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

Friday night, about 8:30 pm

Tonight was different.

Tonight he was different.

Tonight she was different.

Tonight they weren't fucking.

Tonight, they were making love.

Tonight was about love, not lust.

Tonight was about showing her that he loved her.

And tonight it was just going to be him and her. He would forget about his other life for now. Because he needed to see and feel what it was like to be with her. Wrong or not, sure as he needed air to breathe, he knew that he had to do this if he was ever going to make a choice.

He already knew that he was going to stay the night. He didn't know what he was going to tell Kathy but he wasn't going home tonight. He'd figure out later what to tell Kathy. But, whatever the cost almost - in his mind and heart, tonight was about him and Olivia. Tonight until tomorrow morning, he would be with her.

Elliot entered her slowly, gently, taking his time going inch by inch. Olivia whimpered beneath him, her heart full of emotions she did not want to feel, she did not want to think about. "Oh God, Liv." Elliot breathed out as he finally entered her to the hilt.

He supported himself with one hand while the other traveled the length of her torso, softly caressing the skin and going over her nipples then finally to her face. He touched her lips, brushing them gently back and forth, while he looked deeply into her chocolate brown eyes. "Liv, let me stay with you tonight. Please."

He withdrew almost his entire length from her then thrust slowly back in, all the while waiting for her answer and his gaze never straying. "Liv, let me stay please, let me love you tonight."

Olivia still did not answer, but she stared back into Elliot's eyes, her heart pounding. Once again Elliot pulled almost all the way out and then thrust into her slowly – making her feel every inch of him. Olivia shivered with the pleasure that ran through her body and with the emotions that he was bringing out in her.

Tonight there were no curse words or loud cries. Tonight the quiet was deafening. In the absence of their usual loud expressions, were silent but deep motions and emotions, physical and otherwise. "Let me love you tonight, Liv. Let me stay with you." Elliot kept repeating his words, over and over, pleading for her answer.

Unable to answer out loud, Olivia simply nodded and then leaned upward, kissing him passionately. Their mouths were open, their tongues were darting toward each other's playing and tasting. Soft moans emanated from both of them as they continued to kiss while Elliot continued to slowly thrust his cock in and out of her soaking pussy.

When they finally came up for air, Elliot spoke up again. It was as if he needed her to hear it, feel it, believe it. "Liv, I love you. I'm so in love with you. I love you, my Liv."

His heart soared and broke at the same time when he saw tears falling out of Olivia's eyes. "Oh God, Liv, don't cry please. I love you, let me love you please."

"Oh El, I…I…oh that feels so good…" Olivia murmured, writhing from under him. She wanted to say the words back to him, but she still couldn't. The way he moved in and out of her was so deliciously sweet. If she dared, she could almost believe that he truly loved her. That it wasn't just sex. Maybe it was.. maybe it wasn't just sex…Oh God! He felt so good inside her!

She put her hands over his ass and pushed him deeper into her, lifting her legs higher so that he could hit into her more deeply. She could see feel the muscles of his ass bunching as he continued to plunge into her lovingly.

"Liv, baby, I'm going to cum inside you again. Oh God, Livia, my Liv, I'm so close."

"Oh, Elliot…baby, yes!"

Olivia was panting and her body was trembling under him. She was definitely close, her pussy had clenched around him already. He could feel his cock start to throb, a sign that he was close too. When he felt that, he did something he never did with Olivia before. He started to move faster and as she started to thrust up to meet his every motion, he crashed his lips into hers and he was going to keep kissing her until they both came. He had never done that before because he thought it too personal but now, he wanted no barriers, no blurred lines. He wanted to let her know his feelings. Whether she believed him or not. Whether she was ready or not. Whether he was ready or not.

He continued to kiss her with all of his heart and she met his kiss just as fervently until suddenly both of them moaned into each other's mouth as they came together. As Olivia milked his cock of his seed, spilling it inside of her, they continued to kiss. It was like they couldn't be near or close enough to each other. And when their orgasms finished, the lower half of their body stilled but their kissing continued.

Elliot flipped them over letting Olivia be on top, his arms wrapped around her tightly. Even then, they never stopped kissing and he was still inside her. It was only after long minutes, when they were out of breath that they finally pulled apart. But even as they stopped kissing, they remained one, with Elliot still inside her.

Elliot looked into Olivia's eyes, brushing her hair back tenderly. He could see tear spilling silently from her eyes as she looked back at him. "Oh Liv, please don't cry."

"Elliot…" She managed to whisper before she couldn't continue again.

"Liv, I'm in love with you. I love you."

"What about…?" Olivia started to say, her voice trembling.

"Sssh...don't think about her. Tonight it's just us. Tonight it's you and me."

This time around it was Olivia's heart that soared and broke. She knew this was wrong but she still couldn't help herself and she heard herself replying, "Okay. For tonight."

"Will you let me stay and love you all night, Liv?"

Olivia squeezed her eyes momentarily. She knew she shouldn't let him. She knew it was wrong. He was married and she was not his wife. But she couldn't help it. And so almost helplessly, she nodded and replied softly, "Yes, El."

Elliot turned them sideways. They were now facing each other, their limbs intertwined while his cock was still inside her. "I love you, Liv."

And with that uttered declaration and without waiting for a reply back, he started to kiss her again until they were making love once more.

**KATHY**

Friday night, 11:54 pm

Kathy sat in the bed that she shared with Elliot, tears falling down fast on her cheeks. She held her cell phone on her hand, the light still lit after she had read his message for the nth time.

Elliot's text came at almost midnight. And it said: Kathy, sorry not coming home tonight. On an all-night stakeout. I will call you when I'm able to come home already. I'm sorry about this, but duty calls. Kiss Eli for me."

And that was it. He didn't even bother to call. He just texted her. Texted her! She was his wife of 20 plus years and all she got was a text. There was no I love you or to take care or anything. Just a halfhearted apology and a belated note for their son. Bastard! Stakeout my ass! She would bet anything he was with Olivia. But of course she couldn't prove that. All she had right now was that text, an incident she witnessed a month or so ago and her women's intuition. Not exactly hard core evidence.

She forced herself to stop crying and she told herself not to panic, not to jump to conclusions. Crying and panicking at the moment would not do any good. So when she was reasonably calm, she dialed his number but the number just rang and rang. She tried three times and after the first time, it just went straight to voicemail. She felt herself about to cry again, but then she stopped. No use in crying. But she definitely could not go on this way anymore.

Determined now, she went downstairs and grabbed a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. After she had taken a few sips, she calmed down again and went back to their bedroom with the glass. There she decided once and for all, she was going to finally tell Elliot what she had seen a month ago and confront him. This was going to stop one way or the other.

**OLIVIA**

Saturday morning, 1:49 am

Olivia and Elliot had drifted off to sleep after they had made love a third time. But an hour later, Olivia abruptly awoke. And for a few minutes she was so happy. Finally, she wasn't the one with an empty space next to her. But then she remembered Kathy. She looked down at Elliot's hands which were holding hers and saw his wedding ring, glistening in the dark. All at once, her elation was gone. And all she felt was sadness and…love…yes, she had to admit it now. Knowing he was asleep, she finally said it out loud. "I love you, too El." She kissed his hand softly so that she didn't wake him and then closed her eyes once more and slept.

_**Nothing stays still…change is inevitable. What happens now? Find out, next. **_

_**In the meantime, please review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_

,


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

_**You cannot unsay anything once you've said them…**_

**OLIVIA and ELLIOT **

Saturday morning, 4:06 am

Elliot felt Olivia move and he opened his eyes. He saw her getting up from the bed and asked her hoarsely, "Hey, where are you going?"

Olivia looked down on him and whispered, "Bathroom, I'll be right back."

"Hmm…okay."

Olivia shut the door behind her and leaned against it, closing her eyes. Her conscience was nagging her if she was honest. Letting him spend the night was a big deal. She knew that he had texted Kathy earlier but she didn't know what he told her. She didn't want to know.

When she opened her eyes, she saw herself naked in her mirror and an anguished moan threatened to escape from her throat. But then she bit her lip, trying to quell the pinprick of her conscience because she knew as much as guilt was coursing through her, her desire for him was greater. How the hell did she get herself into this mess?

She sighed knowing for now, she was helpless. Even if she wanted to summon the willpower to tell him to go home, she knew she didn't have it in her. Maybe that was for tomorrow. And so she surrendered, finally. For now, she was going to relish the time she had with him.

Her racing heart normalized as she splashed water on her face and a moment later she went back to her bedroom to join him.

The second she laid down beside him, Elliot turned to her and started to kiss her. Olivia felt herself drowning again as he laid assault to her lips.

She was almost lost but when his hand started to travel down her body and in between her legs, she caught it and stopped him.

He looked at her confused and asked, "Liv?"

"Do me a favor El and take off your ring. Please." Her words were soft but firm.

Elliot colored and then nodded quickly. He took off his wedding band and as fast as he could he grabbed his pants on the floor and slipped it inside the pocket.

"Thank you." Olivia told him when he turned back to her.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I should have done that even last night…"

"Sssh...I don't want to talk about it anymore." Olivia said. Her hand went in between them and she started to stroke and caress his already hard cock.

Elliot moaned at her touch and crashed his lips into hers once more.

Olivia kissed him back and moved on top of him, straddling him. Elliot could feel her dripping pussy and a growl escaped from his throat. Olivia tore her lips away from his and sat up. The sight of her naked body on top of him made him gasp. She was so beautiful and she set his body on fire every time.  
>"Liv." He whispered achingly, "Please."<p>

"Oh, God, El." She took his hard length in her hand and the next thing he knew, she had sat on him, taking him inside her.

She didn't move at first. Instead she just sat there, motionless, enjoying the feeling of fullness his cock gave her every time it was inside her. She voluntarily clenched the muscles of her core and Elliot feeling it, bucked up in pleasure.

Olivia pulled him up so that he was sitting while she sat on his lap, with his cock buried inside her. "El." She breathed, her arms around his neck, her gaze steady on his.

"Liv."

"El." She repeated in a half moan and all at once she started riding him up and down. Her movements were filled with purpose, deliberate and her heart was suddenly so full, her emotions spilling over.

Elliot's hands went around her hips and pushed her against him, guiding her movements. He was so deep in her and every up and down motion she made, brought him closer to heaven.

"El." Olivia breathed again. Her head was thrown back in ecstasy and her eyes were closed now. She went on her knees to give her more room to move up and down and Elliot's hands travel to her ass cheeks cupping them. "Oh, God, baby."

"Livia, I love you." The more he told her that, the more he realized how true it was. And the more he realized how deep into this with Olivia he really was. He was in this so very deep.

Olivia opened her eyes when she heard his words and she brought her hands to his face, cupping it while she stared deep into his eyes. She continued riding him, electric waves of pleasure crashing over her body.

"Liv, my God…that feels so good, please, please love me too." Elliot cried softly, pleading with her.

Olivia captured his mouth in hers kissing him wetly, hotly before she pulled away. "Elliot.."

"Love me, Liv. Love me." Elliot chanted, panted. The emotions they could see in each other were so blatant that both were scared and at the same time happy beyond words. Even if they wanted to stop, they couldn't now…they wouldn't. It was too late for both of them.

Olivia's rhythms were getting faster, more frantic. Olivia still held his face, one finger inside his mouth as he sucked it. "Elliot…look at me."

"All I see is you, Liv, even when I close my eyes." His confession went straight to Olivia's heart and she gasped. "This isn't just sex, Liv."

That did it. She couldn't help herself anymore. Shit! Oh God! She couldn't. She started to go faster and faster as she captured his mouth in hers once more before tearing it away again. "Oh God, El. I love you too. I'm so in love you too."

That did it. Elliot's control snapped and his emotions spilled out and he started to buck and thrust upward meeting her every motion. "Say it again, Liv. Say it please."

"I love you, Elliot. I love you. And ah…oh my God!" Her orgasm came in a big wave without warning and one more time, tears spilled from her eyes. She was coming hard and it felt so good.

Elliot felt her pussy clenching his cock, gripping it like a heavenly vise and he was driven to his oblivion. His cock started to spurt and spill his seed over and over inside her. Olivia kept grinding against him, feeling his orgasm and they kept going like that until they were both out of breath. Until they could no longer go on. Until they were both completely finished and sated.

When it was over, they embraced tightly, like they would never let go, both of them crying softly. When they broke their embrace, it was Elliot who cradled her face this time. They could both see the tears that had spilled, their faces both wet. "Liv, did you mean it?"

An almost anguished look crossed her face as she nodded. "I love you, El."

Elliot groaned and started to pull her back into an embrace but then Olivia gasped as if she just realized the gravity of her confession. "Fuck!" She exclaimed. "This was not supposed to happen. Shit, shit, shit. Oh God, oh God."

All of a sudden she couldn't breathe and she quickly got up from on top of him. She was about to bolt out the bedroom door but Elliot grasped her hand just in time. "Liv, no…DON'T. You can't run away from this. _**WE**_ can't run away from this."

"You're married!" Sobs were wracking Olivia's entire being. She finally let go and she couldn't stop crying. She sank down on the floor beside her bed, her guilt and her love for him overwhelming her.

Elliot got out of her bed and sat next to her on the floor. He put her arms around her and let her cry. "Liv, we'll figure this out. I promise. " There was a note of desperation there.

God help her. She knew she should end this but she couldn't. She extracted herself from him and turned her gaze on him again as Elliot repeated, "We'll figure this out I promise."

Defenseless, she nodded and instead of telling him to get out, she simply kissed him again.

"I love you, Liv."

"Ssh, El no more, please. I…I…oh El…just make love to me again, please."

There was nothing more to be said so he simply did as she asked. And they made love over and over again well into the morning.

**KATHY**

Saturday morning, 11 am

She couldn't believe that he was still not home. They had actually managed to work out that their days off would be the same that week and he was still not home.

She had resumed trying to reach him as soon as she got up at about 7am to see the kids to school but to no avail. Though it was not going straight to voicemail anymore, he simply wasn't answering. It just kept ringing and ringing.

She had kept it together until the twins left for a special school session they had to make up for the days they missed during a snowstorm the past winter. But once they were gone, she had broken down and cried. She had cried so hard that Eli had woken up and began to wail as well. He saw his mommy crying and it made him cry too.

She managed to pull herself together enough to rock him back to sleep. But of course a couple of hours later, he was awake again. Thankfully, Eli was not a hard child to handle. She simply put him in his playpen along with some of his toys and turned on the radio and he was happy.

She sat down on the table near the playpen and just watched her son. He had been unplanned and unexpected. But all this time, she always thought that Elliot was happy that they had him. But what if he's the only reason he came back to her? Would they still be together if she didn't get pregnant? They had both been lonely one night and a case he had been working on affected him so greatly that he went to her when they were separated. One thing led to another and now they had Eli.

True she didn't have to ask him back when she found out she was pregnant. She could have moved on from him. But she didn't. She asked him back and he did. She's been with him more than twenty years. A life with him and their children was all she knew. Could she really confront him and make him choose? What if he did choose and she wasn't his choice? All she had were suspicions and her intuition. Yes, she had witnessed them kissing passionately but it was just that. She had no solid evidence of an affair. Kissing like horny teenagers did not always equal to an affair.

She knew that the only way to end her present torment was to confront him and demand honesty from him. But that would be accusing him. What if she was wrong? What if that kiss was just a result of a hard case and at that moment they both needed comforting? True, kissing another woman while he was married to her was still wrong. But she could forgive him for that. But if he was having an affair…a relationship with Olivia beyond their partnership and friendship that would be a different story. Hell if he was having an affair, it may not be even be with Olivia. But if her intuition was correct and he was having an affair – whether it was with Olivia or someone else - that would be unforgiveable. And that would be the end.

Evidence. She needed evidence. She sighed, her tears finally stopping. Her resolve from last night weakened. He still came home to her. So why rock the boat? _Because Kathy, this isn't right! Him leaving you like this, giving you excuses all the time is wrong. You're his __**wife**__._ A voice suddenly rang out in her head, loud and strong.

"But I'm not sure if he is having an affair. What if I'm wrong?"

_Then find out. You're smart. Find out. Then if you're right then at least you know and you can finally do something about it. Don't just take this sitting down. Fight, Kathy. Fight for him. You're the one he gave his name too not some brunette bimbo. _

"I know but what if I lose him?"

_Would you rather go on this way? _

"I don't know." She felt stupid having an argument with herself right now. But there it was. She knew the answer. She knew what she had to do. She was just too scared and too in love with Elliot still to actually do it.

_No you do know. Kathy, be strong. Whatever happens, you'll be okay. _

"Will I? I'm past 40 with 5 kids…how will I be okay?"

_You will be. You're smart, beautiful, blonde and independent. You'll be okay. Now shut up and just get the proof you need and go from there. You never know it may be just all work, maybe he is telling the truth. But better to find out for sure. And if he's been lying, if he's been sleeping with someone else then find out now and do what you have to do before things get worse._

The voice in her head would not let up but before she could argue with it further, she heard the front door start to open and she knew he was home. She only hoped she could do this.

"Kathy?" She heard him call out as soon as he got in.

"Hey, El. How was the stakeout? Did you guys get him?" Kathy walked up to him and gave him a quick kiss in greeting.

He looked tired. But he also looked happy. And when she realized that, her heart started to race again. His work usually did not make him happy. In fact, most of the times it made him closed off and aloof. But today, even after the supposed long hours he had to take, he looked happy. But then again, maybe he was just happy to be home. To be with her.

"Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry, I know we said we'd go out today. But I can't. I have to get some rest." He went over to Eli picked him and kissed his son. "Hey booboo, Daddy missed you."

Eli giggled in his arms and then threw his chubby little arms around his neck and Elliot laughed. Kathy watched them, the picture of the two embedded in her mind and for a moment, she felt a spark of happiness.

But then Elliot put him back in the playpen and turned back to Kathy. "I hope it's okay that I take a raincheck, Kath. But I'm just really exhausted and need sleep."

"I understand El." For right now, she decided to play the part of the understanding wife. But later on would be another story. She knew now that once and for all she needed to find out for sure. "You want me to join you?"

"Nah, it's okay. I'll be out like a light and Eli will miss you."

Kathy could feel tears behind her eyes but thankfully she held them at bay. "Okay. Hey, Elliot."

She could swear he just suppressed a sigh of impatience. "What?"

"I missed you. Next time, could you just call me instead of just texting me."

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. Too many things were happening too fast." He rubbed the side of his cheek, an action he did whenever he was tense. "I'll make sure next time."

"Alright. Well why don't you go up and rest? Do you have to work tonight?" She asked him, looking at him intently, gauging his reactions.

Elliot shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm officially off till tomorrow. But both Liv and I are on call tonight, so there's a chance."

There it was. Liv and I…always Liv and I. But again that didn't mean anything. They were partners and when one was on call so was the other.

"Well hopefully you don't and even if we don't get the day together, maybe we can go out later."

"Sure, Kathy, let's see okay. But right now, if you don't mind, I'm just going to take a quick shower and go to bed."

"Okay, El. I love you." She told him as she watched him go up the stairs.

Elliot smiled back at her but she noticed it didn't quite reach up to his eyes. "Love you too. See you later."

And with that he ran up the rest of the stairs, into the shower, closing the door behind him. And when she heard that door close, Kathy flinched. It was like he had closed his door on her.

**OLIVIA**

Saturday, 11:30 am

Now that he was gone, she felt empty. And she hated herself for that. What the fuck was she going to do? She could not believe that she told him that she loved him. How could she tell him that? But then again, how could she not? It was written all over her face every time she was with him. She was sure he already knew it anyway. But even so, she did not have to confirm it.

She wished there was someone she could confide into about this. Someone who knew both of them well but who wouldn't judge. But there was no one. Once upon a time, she could have talked to Alex or Casey but they were both out of New York for the time being. She supposed she could call Casey. Ever since her disbarment or was in simply a suspension – she didn't know – they had still stayed in touch and even though they haven't seen each other since she was forced out of the DA's office and left New York, she knew that Casey wouldn't shut her out if she reached out to her now.

She sighed, feeling sad but no tears came down anymore. She was all cried out for now. God, it was almost noon and she was still in bed. She had barely moved from their since Elliot left about an hour and a half ago.

Just then she heard her iPhone beep with an incoming message. She picked it up from the table beside her bed and looked at it. It was a message from Elliot: _Just got home. Going to bed. I miss you already. Love you._

That was it. Olivia bit her lip wishing she was strong enough not to reply. But she wasn't. However, she didn't have to be as vocal as him either. Instead she simply typed: _Ditto_. And sent the message.

She was about to set her phone down when suddenly it beeped again. She looked at it and saw that it was a message from Casey_. Hey, Liv. Sorry this is such short notice but I'm in town for 2 days. Hope you're free tonight so we can meet up and catch up. Let me know._

Maybe there was a God. Elliot was convinced there was one. But her not so much. But maybe there was and he saw her need for a friend. Well whatever it was, she was glad to have Casey in town. Happier now, she sat up and texted back_. Casey! Sure! Just name the time and place and I'll be there. Can't wait to see you! I have so much to tell you._

A few moments later, she received a reply. _So much to tell me? I'm intrigued. I hope this is about a guy. Anyway. I'll see you later. Bar 89 in Mercer in Soho! About 9? We can have dinner and drinks there. I'll make the reservation._

Relieved that she'd finally have someone to get things of her chest, Olivia smiled and sent her reply. _See you later, Case. _

Definitely feeling lighter, she finally got out of bed, ready to face her day.

**KATHY**

Saturday, about 2 pm

A couple of hours later, Kathy went to their bedroom as Elliot was sleeping. She saw his phone on their bedside table. Loathing herself but needing to know, she quietly picked it up. Unfortunately, she saw that it had a lock code on it and she didn't know what it was. Sighing in momentary defeat, she put it back where she found it. She would have to find another way. Or something else. And suddenly it was staring her in the face and tears began to well up in her eyes again.

He wasn't wearing his wedding ring. Never in their all years of their marriage even when they were separated had she seen him with no wedding ring. And today, he wasn't wearing it. Of course, again, it wasn't concrete evidence. But it was something she could question him about. It was something she had a right to ask him about.

It was a start. And with that decided, she calmly went downstairs again and waited for him to wake up.

_**TBC…**_

_**Uh oh…Kathy may have stalled in her decision to confront Elliot, but she is near the end of her rope. What will Elliot say when she asks him where his wedding ring is? And how will Casey react when Olivia confides in her? And later on, someone else finds out their secret and doesn't hesitate to let them know their opinion. Plus Olivia suddenly comes face to face with other consequences of their affair. **_

_**The tangled web becomes even more tangled. All of this coming up in chapter 7 or later. **_

_**In the meantime, please do review! Here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_

_**Thanks! **_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

_**So I wanted a rather smut free chapter. I also wanted to lighten the mood as this story has been intense up until now. While there are still deep emotions running in this story, I believe Olivia's night with Casey provides a much needed lighter moment.**_

_**Please do read and review! Sorry it took me a bit to update this. It's weird but it's almost like that I need to be almost playing hooky to be really motivated to write. IE, when I'm supposed to be working and not writing fan fic…lol. But since it was the weekend, I actually had free time and therefore was lazy to write. Hahaha..I know I'm weird. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. Please read and review!**_

_**It is officially April 2nd**____**in my corner of the globe and so - happy happy birthday to one of the sexiest men in Hollywood, Chris Meloni! I cannot believe you are 51. You so do NOT look like it! Mwah! Have an awesome birthday!**_

**KATHY AND ELLIOT**

Saturday, about 6:42 pm

"So, Elliot, where is your wedding ring?"

Elliot had just emerged from the bathroom to find Kathy sitting in their bed, waiting for him. The moment that he had come out, she had sprung her question.

She could have sworn that Elliot's face paled. But then a second later he recovered and shrugged. "Oh you noticed."

"Of course, I noticed Elliot!" Kathy could her voice getting louder and higher. She didn't like that she sounded so panicked already and so she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "I mean even when we were separated you wore that ring. And so yeah, I noticed it and I've also notice and that you haven't answered my question. Where is the ring? Why aren't you wearing it?"

"It's not really a big deal, Kath…" Elliot began to explain, noting that she was looking at him very suspiciously. But before he could finish his statement, Kathy cut in impatiently and indignantly once more.

"Not a big deal? You're a married man and you take off your wedding ring! What am I supposed to think Elliot?"

"Well if you'd actually let me speak then you might actually find out." Elliot retorted. Though he knew he was about to lie his ass off, the way Kathy was handling the entire situation was pissing him off. It wasn't making him guilty. It was making him angry.

Taking another deep breath, Kathy folded her arms across her chest and said shortly, "Fine. Go ahead."

"I'm not wearing it because I took it to a jewelry store to have it cleaned." Elliot told her, the lie rolling easily off his tongue.

He looked intently at Kathy, trying to determine if she believed him. At first she looked doubtful and voiced that doubt out loud, "Cleaned? Really, Elliot. I'm sure you can do better than that."

"Really Kath and I really don't think I can do much better than the truth, don't you think?" Elliot stood his ground. Surprisingly he felt very little guilt. And a little voice in his head began to ask why but he silenced it, realizing that the time for analysis is not at that moment.

"After all this time, you think of having it cleaned now?" The disbelief in Kathy's voice was getting stronger.

"Yeah. Why not?" There was a defensive note in his voice that he heard and immediately curbed. "Look Kath, I was working on our police issued car the other day. It had engine trouble and I had car grease all over my hands and the ring. It was filthy. So I decided to have it professionally cleaned. I'm sorry if I forgot to tell you."

Kathy looked straight into Elliot's eyes looking for a sign that he was lying. But she couldn't find any. Not at the moment anyway. So she decided to try a different tactic. Instead of getting mad or even more suspicious, she decided to laugh. And she could see the surprise on his face when she did.

"What's so funny?" He asked, sounding somewhat confused.

"Me, Elliot. I'm so funny. I'm sorry if sounded so suspicious. It's just that you've been working a lot lately and I think that's really taking its toll. I swear I was thinking the craziest things. I almost was going to shake you awake to ask you when I saw you didn't have it on earlier."

"Craziest things? Like what?" Elliot questioned her, a guarded look coming over his face.

Kathy's heart was pounding. She couldn't believe she was about to say what she was about to say. But she had to catch him off guard somehow and she hoped she'd see a sign one way or the other when she did.

Kathy got up and started to straighten up their room, taking her time in answering, wanting him to get nervous. She started to pick up the clothes that Elliot had worn when he came home. Elliot's heart started to beat faster. He forgot about the wedding ring in his pants. It was still in his pocket.

Kathy started to check the pockets first of his shirt, finding nothing there, she tossed it to the laundry basket.

"Like what?" Elliot repeated. He looked at his wife, something in him warning him to be careful and to tread lightly.

"Well, I must be getting really paranoid, but when I saw you didn't have your ring on, I thought it was maybe because you took it off because you were having an affair."

This time, Kathy saw him do a double take and he paled. But she pretended not to notice and Elliot quickly tried to rearrange his features.

Forcing a laugh Elliot returned, "Kathy, I think your either watching too many soaps on your days off or all your friends that are getting divorced left and right are making you paranoid."

"Well, that's true… a lot of them have been doing that lately…" Despite the fact that she saw his guilty reaction, truth be told, she was not ready to completely face reality and so she tried to explain it away. Sooner or later she had to actually confront it, but once more she wasn't ready.

She now started to turn the pockets of his pants out and Elliot's heart began to race. He was silently bracing himself for her explosion when she found the ring but it never came. The next thing he knew all the pockets were turned out and she had tossed it to the laundry basket as well.

Fuck. The ring wasn't in his pocket? Where was it? Did it fall at Olivia's? If he lost that, he'd be really in trouble. And at first that thought really bothered Elliot but then a traitorous voice spoke to him_. Maybe getting into trouble wouldn't be such a bad thing Elliot. Maybe you can finally admit that this marriage is far from okay._

But Elliot was not ready to deal with that right now and so he shut the voice up again and instead asked Kathy, "Hey, I have an idea, since it looks like I am going to have a free night – well here's hoping – why don't we order some take out, take a bottle of wine, watch a movie and…well you can use your imagination for the rest?" Elliot wrapped his arms around Kathy and gave her a kiss on the mouth.

His strategy worked because Kathy suddenly forgot about the wedding ring and anything else. There was a pinprick of guilt working its way inside of Elliot. He couldn't believe that he just used the promise of sex to distract his wife from the thought of his possible infidelity. Which he was – unfaithful that is.

But he really couldn't help himself. Everything he told and shared with Olivia was true. He wasn't lying to her. He was in love with Olivia. And for the moment, as crazy and warped as it sounded, he still really believed that he was still also in love with Kathy and their marriage was still worth working on.

_If you love Kathy then you wouldn't be with Olivia. If your marriage is worth anything to you then you wouldn't even begin to think of being with Olivia._ That voice suddenly came alive again.

"Shut up. You know nothing." He answered it, all the while embracing Kathy.

Then to keep it from answering him again, he simply kissed Kathy passionately and thereafter he found himself making love to his wife.

After he and Kathy were done, he disposed of the condom and they started getting dressed. One would think that making love to his wife would make him feel good, but all it did was make him feel guilty. Strange how making love to the woman who was his wife could make him feel guilty and yet making love to the woman who wasn't didn't.

He remembered once more all that he had told Olivia last night. It came crashing over him all over again just like before Kathy and him made love. If he was honest with himself, what he did with Kathy was just sex and with Olivia…well…it wasn't just sex.

He knew that with everything in him but even so, why couldn't he just tell Kathy the truth? It may not be easy, but it was the honest thing to do. It wasn't like he hadn't tried. It wasn't like it happened overnight. And telling Kathy the truth wouldn't necessarily mean choosing Olivia. It only meant that he was ready to move on from Kathy be it with Olivia or someone else.

_Who are you kidding?_ That voice in his head spoke again with a sarcastic tone it would seem.

Elliot shook his head and inwardly answered it. "Shut up! You're confusing me even more."

_You're not confused. You're just selfish. And stubborn. You know very well what you want and who you want. You just don't have the guts to finally admit to yourself and to everyone involved._

"I am not a coward."

_Huh, really? _

He shook his head, shutting the voice down again and began to think once more.

He wondered to himself if things would have ended this way with Kathy if the other woman in question wasn't Olivia? If Olivia hadn't been his partner, would he and Kathy still be okay? Would he have been capable of doing this Kathy with another woman?

It wasn't a question he was capable of answering because he had gotten Olivia as a partner. Not anyone else. Sure there was that momentary thing with Dani – but what he felt for Olivia could not even compared to that blip.

He looked at Kathy, who smiled at him, wedding incident totally forgotten after he had given her an intense orgasm. He wished he could say he had the same experience but he didn't. He really did just use sex to distract her. And that was disturbing in itself. He really should talk to someone. But who?

Sighing, Elliot told Kathy he was going to go down, check on the kids and then order the pizza. Kathy still feeling sated from their sexual romp, just smiled and told him she'd follow.

So, without saying another word, Elliot left the room, feeling even emptier than when he had first left Olivia this morning.

By the time that Elliot got downstairs he was in a panic. He knew he had fucked up. He couldn't believe that after everything last night, he had just slept with Kathy. What the hell was wrong with him? It was almost like he couldn't help himself.

_But I thought you're still in love with her._

"Ah! Shut up!" He suddenly couldn't breathe and his first instinct was to run to Olivia's. But what good would that do? He really should figure things out by himself before he did anything else.

But then he remembered last night – their lovemaking and how good about himself she made him feel. Just remembering how good it felt to be inside her was enough to make his dick twitch again. And it made him all the more desperate to go see her.

_God, you really are fucked up. _

He ignored the voice now and instead, he quickly pulled his cell phone from his pocket and texted Olivia. Liv, I need to see you. I'm coming over.

He was just trying to think of an excuse for Kathy when a message came in. It was Olivia. Are you okay? El, Casey's in town and we're going out. Won't be home for a bit. I'm sorry I can't cancel on her.

"Fuck." Elliot muttered to himself. He didn't think he could stand the entire night with Kathy. What the hell? He had just suggested a romantic night with her and now he wanted to get away. There was something wrong with him. What was wrong with him?

Without knowing it he growled in frustration. He only noticed that he had made a sound when he heard Kathy ask from behind him, "Elliot! What is it? Is everything okay?"

From the look on her face, he knew he had alarmed her and he quickly apologized. "Oh, hey sorry, didn't hear you come down. Uh…yeah…everything is okay except…"

His voice trailed off. He wasn't sure if he should make an excuse to get out of the house and out of their night. But then Kathy took the decision out of his hands.

A weary look on her face, Kathy said, "Except you were called in."

Kathy sighed and Elliot could see that she looked extremely unhappy. That voice in his head spoke up again refusing to be silenced for long. _Tell her she's wrong. That it was nothing. That you're not going anywhere. Come on Elliot do the right thing._

Elliot paused for a second and then replied, "Yeah, Kath. I'm sorry. Something broke with one of our cases and Cragen wants us on it ASAP."

_What the fuck are you doing?_

Kathy sighed and shrugged. "How long are you gonna be gone. I mean this is ridiculous Elliot. It's your day off."

"I know babe, but you know how my job is. We've been at his for almost 20 years, you should know by now."

"Elliot, believe me I know. But I don't know. I guess lately I've felt you pulling away. Like you're not really with me even when you are." There she had finally let it out and she could see Elliot's face take on a very surprised look.

"Shit, Kathy. I'm not believe me. Look, can we talk about this later? I gotta go."

"Sure…later." The sad look on Kathy's face was even more pronounced and undeniable now.

"Hey." Elliot walked over to where she stood and he lifted her chin up so that he can look into her eyes. "Don't be sad, okay. I promise you we'll talk later. "

"Okay." Kathy said in a small voice.

Elliot's heart went out to Kathy then. He really did owe it to her to be honest. But as much as he loathed himself for it right now, he wasn't ready for the upheaval that would cause. And as much as he knew he loved Olivia, he still wasn't sure if it was her he wanted in the long run. He really did need to think about this thoroughly soon. But not right now.

For right now, he wanted to be with Olivia tonight. Whatever that meant, that was all he was ready for at the moment. Deciding once more not to think about anything, Elliot gave Kathy a quick kiss on the lips, ran up the stairs, grabbed his things and left.

He didn't know where he was going to go while waiting for Olivia. But all he knew is that right now, he didn't want to be at home.

**OLIVIA AND CASEY**

Saturday, 10:53 pm

"You're what?" Casey exclaimed loudly, looking totally shocked.

"Sssh…Casey, keep your voice down!" Olivia admonished her friend.

It was nearly 11 pm and the two friends were having Bar 89's famous mojitos and some chow from their "kitchen. For the last hour they just caught up, laughing about anything and everything. But about 10 minutes ago, as their third round of mojitos has come, Olivia had finally started to tell Casey about her and Elliot. And she had just told her that she and Elliot were having an affair. And thus Casey's reaction.

Casey took a long sip of her mojito and then dropping her voice to a whisper, she asked, "You're having an affair with Elliot? Elliot Stabler, your partner?"

Olivia blushed but then met Casey's eyes determinedly and replied, "Yeah."

For a minute Casey didn't say anything and Olivia began to get nervous, already regretting her decision to tell someone. But then Casey spoke up again. "This isn't a joke right? I'm not on some warped SVU version of Punk'd?

Olivia gave a little chuckle but then sobered again. "I almost wish it was Casey, but I'm not joking. You're not on Punk'd."

"Well then, I guess, all I have to say is…that's fucking hot, Benson!" Casey began to grin and she raised her mojito glass. "I've always thought that Stabler was too hot for his blah wife."

"Casey!" Olivia admonished, but then a grin began to spread across her face. "So, you're not mad at me?"

"Well.." The grin faded from Casey's face and she sighed. "Look, I'm definitely not judging you or Elliot. God knows you guys finally figured out what we've all known for a long time but…he IS married Liv. And blah or not, she's still his wife."

"I know." Olivia sighed. "What am I going to do?' Olivia bowed her head, tears welling up her eyes.

Casey scooted her chair over to Olivia and then put her arm around her friend. "Liv, I'm sorry babe, but I can't answer that for you. I guess the better question is, what are you able to do?"

Sadly, Olivia nodded her agreement and took another long sip of her mojito.

Casey looked at her intently. She could see her friend's love for Elliot and her sadness written all over her face. "You really love him don't you?"

Olivia met Casey's gaze and replied, "Yeah, I really do."

Casey looked at her a second longer and then asked, "Okay, let me just play a bit of devil's advocate here, okay? Are you sure you love him and you're not just mistaking great sex for love?"

"Yes, I'm sure Casey."

"How can you say that?"

"Because if I didn't love him, I would have never let him not use a condom." Olivia admitted, looking a bit sheepish but not regretful of the fact.

Casey gasped. Olivia was notorious for no glove no love and the fact that she had allowed Elliot to go condom free, spoke volumes. "Oh my God, Liv!"

"Yeah…."

"Oh Liv, I won't lie and say this is going to be easy. But honestly there's nothing you can do. This is really Elliot's call. I mean of course, you have a say too. You don't have to accept any of this. You can simply walk away. But if you choose to stay in this, and I have feeling you are, then know that you can't do anything except be yourself and love him."

"I know. But this sucks Casey."

"I'm sure it was fun at first, the forbidden and the taboo have a way of being that at first, right?"

Olivia gave her a small smile and had to agree. "Yes. But now it's just…complicated."

"I've never really been in your situation Liv, so I can't give you advice. But I can say this, I'm here for you. Even though I'm living in Las Vegas at the moment, you know you can always count on me if you need someone to talk to."

"Thanks, Case."

"You're welcome. But hey, can I ask you? What are you going to do about Mike?"

Once more Olivia sighed. "I guess for now I have to stop seeing him. I mean it'll just make things for complicated and tangled and it already is."

"It's too bad though, huh? I mean he is hot in his own way." Casey wiggled her eyebrows, knowingly.

Olivia chuckled. "Yeah, he is. He is kinda like Elliot in a way. Both Irish Catholics. Both cops. Except Mike has green eyes instead of blue and he still has a full head of hair."

Casey laughed out loud. "Well I guess you don't care too much about hair."

"No, I guess I don't." She paused before continuing. "You know before we met up, Elliot texted."

"And?"

"He wanted to see me."

"What did you say?"

"I told him the truth. That you and I had plans."

"But…"

"But I guess I'm just wondering why he called. I mean he spent the night last night."

"Who wait, he spent the night? You didn't tell me that!" Casey exclaimed, looking very much surprised at her friend's confession.

Olivia colored and then reluctantly admitted, "Yeah he did."

"Liv! How could he do that? I mean – how did he do that?"

"I don't know Casey. I really don't want to know."

"You know I love you right, Liv? And I think this is sort of hot in a Sex and The City way – kind of like when Carrie and Big were having that affair and he was married and she was with that other guy. But it is still wrong. I'm not going to tell you to stop. To be honest, all romanticism aside, I think Elliot's being a prick. He can't tell you he's in love with you and stay married to his wife. I mean, damn it – _**CHOOSE**_! If he won't - make him!"

Olivia was quiet for a while and at first Casey didn't push. But then Casey knew she had to tell her what she thought whether Olivia liked it or not. Because she was Olivia's friend and friends tell each other the truth. "He's gotta choose Liv. Because if he doesn't - sooner or later, this _**WILL**_ blow up in all of your faces."

"I know." Olivia softly agreed. "But, Case what if he doesn't choose me?" Olivia's voice cracked and her heart just broke at the thought of losing Elliot.

Casey put her arm around Olivia's shoulder again and replied, "Liv, honey, I'm afraid that's a chance you're going to have to take. Are you willing just to be number two just so you can keep him? I mean even if you were number 1 it wouldn't be right. Because in a marriage or a relationship like that, you have to be the only one for him."

"I know that Casey, but damn it!" Olivia buried her face in her hands, distressed and anxious again.

Casey saw this and tried to lighten the mood. "Damn, girl is he that good in bed?"

Olivia lifted her head and met Casey's twinkling eyes and groaned. Then she began to laugh. And it felt good to laugh. She laughed long and hard and when her laughter finally subsided, she was holding her stomach. It started to hurt because she laughed so hard. "Thanks, Casey. I needed that."

"You're welcome. So, answer the question, is he that good in bed, Liv?" Casey refused to be distracted from getting the answer to her question.

Olivia rolled her eyes and then took a sip of her drink. Then lifting just one eyebrow, she replied, "What do you think?"

"Girl, I think if you don't like wearing condoms with him, it must mean that he's something else in bed." Casey concluded.

"You said it, I didn't." Olivia put in.

Casey laughed again and told her, "Oh, Liv, it's written all over your face."

Olivia blushed again but then tried to remain dignified. She was unsuccessful and once more both of them started laughing.

By now their drinks were done and they had ordered a fourth round. Both of them were getting buzzed and Casey was starting to slur her words a bit as she asked Olivia, "So are you gonna meet up with him tonight like he asked?"

"I want to.." Olivia admitted.

"But…"

"But, Casey, we were just together last night and not that I don't want to be with him again and not that I don't admit the thought of him having sex with Kathy doesn't make me sick, but I was just with him last night and for now, I'm not really ready for her to find out about us. If he goes to me again, he might as well be putting up a sign that tells her I'm having an affair."

"Liv, I know earlier I told you that I thought Elliot was being a prick and he is. But you're not the one married to Kathy and so you don't really owe her anything unlike him. So I guess until this all boils over, my best advice? Don't overthink it. Don't analyze. Just take it day by day because I know you. You will overanalyze and you will agonize over this. Don't. Because this is really out of your hands and the only way you take control of this situation is to remove yourself from the situation and I really don't think you're ready to do that. Are you?"

"No, no I'm not." Olivia had to confess. She felt so helpless right then, but she couldn't deny the truth of her statement.

"Alright then. Now, I really can't stay out too late, and we are already getting drunk, so tell me are you gonna text him or not?"

Olivia gave her a small smile and told her, "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Alright then."

Olivia took out her iPhone and started typing. Hey, whassup?

She didn't know where he was so she wanted to make sure that she didn't text anything that might incriminate him just in case.

Maybe he changed his mind already. Just as soon as she sent the text, she wanted a reply back already. Thankfully she didn't have long to wait because almost immediately her phone suddenly beeped. 'In the cribs, how's your night with Casey going?'

The cribs? He was in the precinct? Her heart started to beat faster. It was their day off – granted they were on call but she hadn't gotten a call and if had gotten a call, she would have to and she hadn't. So why was he in the precinct and not at home. Why are you there? She quickly typed. 'Almost done with our night. Casey has an early thing tomorrow.'

A moment after she had sent it another message. 'Glad you guys are having fun. Can I come over and spend the night after?'

Olivia gave a little gasp and then she looked at Casey. "What?" Casey asked her, looking puzzled but interested.

"He wants to stay over again. "

"You know what Liv, I almost think he wants to be caught." Casey said honestly.

Olivia looked back at Casey and in a soft tone replied, "You know maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't want to have to admit to….whatever this is. So he'd rather be caught."

"Men! Who knows how they think, right? Anyway, are you going to let him stay over?"

**OLIVIA AND ELLIOT**

Sunday, 12:08 am

An hour later, Olivia was home in her Upper West Side apartment. She had just gotten in when she heard her front door open again.

She quickly went out of her bedroom and found Elliot there.

"Hey."

"Hey." Elliot replied.

"El…."

"Sssh…I don't want to talk about it right now."

You never do. The thought suddenly popped into her head but she quickly pushed it away. She was a tad tipsy and this was not the best time to have that conversation.

So instead she simply replied, "Okay."

"Liv…" He suddenly picked her up and then with quick strides they were in her bedroom. "Please don't take this the wrong way but would you mind if we just slept?"

Olivia smiled and replied, "That sounds great El."

And with that they stripped to their underwear, got into bed and fell asleep. As sleep found both of them, both of their last thought was, they'll deal with everything tomorrow.

_**TBC…**_

_**Up next, Elliot confesses some things to Olivia and someone sees him leave Olivia's in the morning. Also next chapter brings us forward to 2 weeks later, when Olivia realizes that her affair may have some unexpected consequences for her and Elliot.**_

_**Please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_

_**Also please do join me in tweeting TrueBloodHBO to get Mariska Hargitay on True Blood to star or guest start opposite Chris Meloni's Roman.**_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

_**This takes place the morning he came to stay with her unexpectedly. Elliot comes to some realizations…big ones….**_

**OLIVIA AND ELLIOT**

Sunday 8:11 am

They didn't talk about it. They didn't talk about what Elliot said to Kathy. They didn't talk about what this meant. They didn't talk. They simply slept in each other's arms.

Then at about 6 am, they had both woken up and despite all the questions that she had, all she could do was moan and tremble in his arms as they made love in the early morning.

They were on duty today at 9 am and there was no way Elliot was going to be able to go home before going to the precinct. She was worried for him, but at the same time she was very much loving that it was she he was with. At one point after they were done making love and starting to motions to get ready for work she tried to bring up the matter of Kathy. But before she even could finish her question, Elliot told her, "Don't worry. I'll call her while you're in the shower."

He saw a worried look on her face as she walked to the bathroom and he went up to her, kissing her to reassure her. "I love you. Don't worry about me so much."

Olivia didn't answer, she simply gazed into his bright blue orbs, as if searching for something. She seemed to find whatever it was she looking for and simply nodded. "Okay."

And with that, she went into the bathroom. When Elliot heard the shower running, he picked up his phone and dialed his house. After only 2 rings, Kathy answered. She must have seen his number come up in the caller id and the first words out of her mouth when she picked up was, "Where the fuck are you, Elliot?"

Elliot silently winced at the anger he heard in his wife's voice and walked to the kitchen area, softly closing the door to Olivia's bedroom behind him. "Hey, Kath…I'm sorry but the case we got called in to broke last night and we have been interrogating our suspects all night?"

"I don't believe you, Elliot." Kathy told him bluntly, her tone scathing.

Elliot sighed impatiently and loudly, as if almost making sure Kathy heard it and replied, "Fine. You never do anyways, so why should you start now?"

The next thing Elliot knew was she was sobbing into the phone. He sighed and softened his tone. "Kath. Please don't do this. Look I'll be home tonight. Hopefully the Captain will send us home early since we were out here all night. Okay? We'll talk when I get home."

He could hear her trying to stop crying and when she finally succeeded, she asked hoarsely, "Elliot, is there someone else? If there is, just tell me now okay before we hurt each other any further."

This was it. Elliot's heart started to beat faster. He could confess. She was asking already. Why not tell her the truth? _Tell her the truth and lose your family? Are you willing to risk that?_ That voice in his head had come alive once more.

"No, I'm not." He answered the voice honestly.

_Then damn it Elliot, make a choice. Olivia or Kathy. You cannot have both. _

"How can you even think that, Kathy? Of course not." Elliot found himself looking at the door to Olivia's bedroom. It remained tightly closed. But nevertheless he walked towards the kitchen area further before he continued. "Kathy you know you're the only in my life – it's been you and me for more than 20 years. And it'll still be us for another 20 years."

The moment he said those words, Elliot regretted it. She already given him a chance to tell her and be honest and yet, he had chickened out.

_Coward._ The voice inside him taunted him.

"Do you promise El?"

"I promise you, Kathy there is no one else but you." Elliot repeated softly.

"Alright. We'll talk later. Try to come home early, okay. And I'm sorry if I yelled at you earlier." Kathy told him, her voice still hoarse but he could tell she was calm now and on her way to believing him.

"Okay. See you later. Love you."

"Love you too."

The moment he hung up the phone, he wanted to hurl it against the wall. He was so confused. How could he feel so strongly for two women. This was an impossible situation. But it was a situation that he couldn't get himself out of.

_You're such a fucking weakling. For all your aggressiveness you're nothing but a coward._

Elliot sat down on the couch and cradled his head in his hands. When he looked down he remembered he was still naked – after all – he and Olivia had just made love. Oh God, what was he supposed to do.

_Choose._

How was he going to choose? He wasn't capable of it.

_Just choose. _

Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching him. He looked up and saw Olivia. She was still naked, freshly showered.

"El?" She asked, the worried look back in her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

She sat next to him and faced him. He replied, "Yes…"

"El, come on…

"No, Liv it's not. It's just just…God damn it!"

"What El, please tell me."

Olivia could tell that he was near tears – his eyes were beginning to water and redden. She didn't want to pressure him so she simply waited. Swallowing hard he confessed, "I'm so confused Liv."

"About what?" She asked, softly. "About us?"

"I'm sorry Liv… I really am…it's just that when I'm with you and it's just us even at work, it's so clear. Everything in my world is brighter. But…but when I'm with her suddenly it's not so clear. I'm sorry, baby. This can't be easy for you too, but honestly I feel like I'm being torn in two."

Olivia was silent, tears falling down her cheeks now too. What they were doing was wrong, but they couldn't help it. After ten years of being partners, they knew they were now being honest with their feelings for each other. If only, he wasn't married, it would have been perfect.

"El." Olivia said, reaching for his hands, clasping them in hers. "I really don't know what to say. Just last night I was wracked with guilt and now I'm not. That confuses me too. But I know that this, even though I'm not even remotely religious like you, is wrong. But I can't help myself with you. But if it will help then just say so and I will walk away…"

"No! Don't." Elliot exclaimed, interrupting her, his expression anguished. "I couldn't bear that Liv. I already told you that. I do love you Liv, make no mistake about that. But Kathy – she and I have been together since high school and we have 5 children and that's a lot Liv."

"Do you still love her?" Olivia asked him.

"I…I…yes, I think so."

"But you love me too." It was a statement not a question.

"God help me, I know I sound like such an asshole but, I do. I am so in love with you."

_Walk away Liv, get out of this fucking situation. You deserve more than this Liv. You deserve more than this two timing prick. _

Her tears had stopped but then they started to fall again when he said that. She swallowed hard, trying to control her emotions and asked, "El, I love you too, but I'm sorry I have to ask this – are you sure that you love me? And that it's not just the sex we've been having that you love?"

"That's just it, Liv. I know it isn't. The reason I know that is because baby, I've never felt the way I do ever when we make love. You can probably have good sex even if it's casual but the kind that we've been experiencing, I believe that you only get that if you love the person you are making love to. I truly believe that. If I had just wanted sex, baby, I wouldn't have chosen you. I love you, Liv."

The next thing Liv knew Elliot had pulled her into a slow passionate kiss. The moment their mouths opened and their tongues began to wrestle, she moaned. Pulling her up to a standing position but not stopping their kiss, Elliot then picked her up and he quickly went to her bedroom again.

Only then did he pull away from their kiss. He kept his gaze on her as he lowered her to the bed. Olivia met his gaze, her eyes still glistening with tears, her face full of love and desire for him.

Once she was on her back, Elliot straddled her and bent down to kiss her once more. He began with her forehead, then he dropped a kiss on each of her eyes, gently. Next, he kissed her nose, again ever so gently that it actually evoked a small smile from Olivia despite her tears. He kissed her cheeks which were wet with tears and tasted the light saltiness of them. Those kisses were chaste but loving, soft but full of feeling.

When he reached her neck, his kissing changed. Still loving but now it was more urgent. Open mouthed. Suctioning. Olivia moaned, knowing that if wasn't careful, he'd leave a bruise, marking her. The thought of this both scared her and excited her. She could feel the wetness pool between her legs at the thought of having a mark their left by Elliot. It was almost like he was branding her.

He moved from her neck dropping a trail of kisses down to her breasts. He went for the right one first. He kissed the skin surrounding the areola before his mouth descended upon her nipple, sucking it hard then releasing it and licking it. He repeated this motion a few times before he went to do the same thing with her other nipple.

By now, Olivia was no longer capable of thinking about the consequences of their actions. Right now she was with Elliot and one more time this morning, he was loving her. God he made her feel so good and he made her feel safe, like no one ever has.

She sighed – a contented sound despite the fiery desire running through her body right now. But her sigh of bliss suddenly became a gasp when Elliot suddenly rammed his long, thick and hard cock inside her.

Then before she could react any further, he started moving inside of her. Though his entry was almost rough, his motions now were not. In fact, they were anything but rough. He thrust slowly and gently. It was as if he was trying to make sure every emotion that was running through him Olivia felt with her body.

Their eyes stayed open and stayed on each other. And something else that was different, they were practically silent. The only sound was their breathing and the city noises in Olivia's Upper West Side neighborhood.

The feelings and sensations running through Olivia were so intense that she felt on the verge of tears again. She could see the same emotional intensity in Elliot's blue eyes. She felt as if he could see through her soul as he gazed at her and she saw through his.

The intense emotional experience coupled with the physical nirvana of their lovemaking was driving her to her breaking point.

Elliot's cock going in and out of her that slowly, that gently, felt so good. She could feel her wetness and she could feel his hardness with every inch of her being. And even though they weren't speaking, they were communicating still.

When Olivia's breath hitched a moment later it told Elliot that she was close. Gently but quickly he pulled Olivia up while he moved to a sitting position. He moved Olivia on top of him, making sure her long legs were clamped around his hips.

Olivia wrapped her arms around him, put her head on his shoulder and in unison they started to thrust – their rhythms in sync. She met his every thrust up by grinding against him. They reveled in the sensations that they were evoking in each other with each motion. Yet, they did not speak or make a sound. The only sound once more was their breathing.

Elliot's arms enveloped Olivia just as she did him. Right at that moment they were as close to being one as two people could be. Their limbs were entangled and if anyone asked them, neither one could tell you where one began and the other ended. It was like at that moment, making love they weren't two people but one.

Their motions so in tune with each other was a prayer, a wish, a dream and a nightmare. It was too much and it was too little. But then suddenly the two of them pulled apart and once more looked into each other's eyes. And that's when Olivia started trembling and Elliot started shaking. Their orgasms suddenly came without warning. As they came together once more, they reached out for each other, arms suddenly entangled in each other again, finally allowing their release.

When their climaxes waned and were finally gone, both were panting and breathing heavily. Elliot broke their embrace and pulled way a bit so that he could look into her eyes. Only now did he let any sound escape from him. He moaned as he saw Olivia's eyes and told her in a breathless whisper, "Oh God, Liv, that was…if that wasn't love…."

"I know, El. I know…"

Still inside her, he embraced her once more and asked, "Liv, I, I, I…I don't know what to say anymore."

Olivia pushed him gently away enough so that she could look at him in the eyes again and replied, "El…we'll figure it out okay?"

"Liv…"

"Don't please. Let's…let's just go to work. El, I promise you sooner or later, we will figure this out. We've got to."

"I love you Liv." Elliot's voice was laced with sadness.

"I love you too."

There was a pause as they just looked at each other for a moment and just as Olivia was about to speak again, Elliot beat her to it. "Liv, please be patient with me. Please I beg of you, give me time to figure you this out. Don't walk away on us, please?"

Looking totally defenseless and helpless now, a tear dropping down her cheek again, Olivia gave him the only answer she was capable of giving today. "I won't. I promise."

"Thank you."

And as she embraced Elliot, while her heart was full of love, Olivia wondered if she could truly keep that promise.

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**TBC…**

_**UP NEXT: As they walk out of Olivia's apartment building about half an hour later, a member of the 16**__**th**__** precinct see them kiss. Which one and what happens?**_

_**Elliot also finally goes home. How does that conversation with Kathy go? Does he find the missing wedding ring? **_

_**And later on, Elliot realizes he must choose or risk losing them both. **_

_**ALL COMING UP SOON! In the meantime, please do review. Here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_**Author's note: Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU and its characters are Dick Wolf's and are not mine. **_

_**An affair affects not only the parties directly involved but everyone close to them…**_

_**Just to let you guys know, I consider this a transition chapter. Everything is finally coming to a head, but not quite yet. Next chapter or the next one will be the big one…In the meantime, I still hope all of you enjoy this one. **_

**FIN**

Sunday, 9:15 am

Fin Tutuola was on his way to the 16th precinct from the Upper West Side coming from a breakfast with his son, Ken. The two had never been close but he felt that in the recent times, he's been making headway.

He was smiling to himself as he drove downtown to the precinct. Just then he realized that he was in Olivia's street. He glanced at the clock, thinking that he'd give her a ride but then saw that it was already past the beginning of her shift. She and Elliot were on today an hour before him and Munch so he was surprised to see her getting out of the door of her building. But what surprised him even more and made him almost bump his car was who he saw coming out after her and then kissing her long and hard on the lips as they made their way out. Elliot.

"Son of a bitch." Fin thought at once.

They had always known that there was a connection and chemistry between Olivia and Elliot but he thought he knew them both. Elliot after all was a devout Catholic and Olivia…well Olivia had been through enough in her life for her to actually allow herself to be involved with a married man.

He had seen that kiss. It was not a chaste kiss between friends. And it was what? Past 9 in the morning. Did that mean that Elliot picked her up? Or did that mean something else?

"Shit, Stabler. You son of a bitch. Why couldn't you keep it in your pants?" Fin raged in his thoughts.

Oh God why did he pass by this way today? Why did he have breakfast with Ken today of all days? Fin wished with all his might that he could unsee what he just saw. But that was not to be. Fine. They were his friends. And as friend, he was going to be completely honest with them. Whether they like it or not. He only hoped he could keep it together until he got the chance to speak to them.

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**OLIVIA AND ELLIOT**

Sunday, 1:30 pm

Instead of having lunch, Olivia had gone up to the cribs for some rest. Having had such an emotional night last night, combined with their intense lovemaking, Olivia was exhausted.

A half an hour into her nap, Elliot had come with a sandwich and coffee. He locked the door to the cribs behind him after making sure no one was approaching. He then set down the food on the bunk on top of the one she slept on. Then one last time, he looked to see if anyone was approaching and finding that they were alone, he slid next to her on the small bed.

Olivia shifted as she felt Elliot next to her. She started to pull his arm around her when suddenly, she jerked completely awake and whispered urgently, "What are you doing? Someone could just walk in on us right now!"

"No they won't." He whispered back, his hands already sliding under her shirt and cupping her breasts. Olivia bit her lip, suppressing a moan as he continued his reassurance. "Don't worry I locked the door."

His lips caught hers and a fiery kiss between the two of them started. Elliot's pressed against her, making her feel his growing hardness.

Olivia was in a haze. She was still trying to shake off the sleepiness and her guard was down. The next thing she knew she was whimpering and wetness was pooling between her legs.

"Elliot…" It took all of Olivia's willpower to tear her lips away from his. "We can't do this here, we're gonna get caught."

Elliot groaned and replied, "I need you Liv, please."

He crashed his lips into hers again, beginning yet another searing kiss. He lifted her arms above her head and pinned her down as he ground his hardened length against her. He could feel the heat radiating from her core as he continued to dry hump her.

"I want you." Elliot whispered.

"El…I…I want oh God!"

Elliot's hands moved below her waist unbuttoning and unzipping her pants. He pushed them down but left her panties on.

Still kissing her to keep her from moaning loudly, Elliot let one hand graze her mound. And suddenly his dick twitched hard when he found her soaking wet. He pushed her panties to the side and roughly shoved a finger inside her dripping slit. He began to slide his digit in and out of her.

Olivia pressed up against him, making him go deeper. She forced her mouth away from his and whispered harshly, "You want me El? Then take me, fuck me right now."

Without waiting for his reply, Olivia attacked his pants. She unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his fly and pushed his pants and boxer briefs down in a matter of seconds to expose his turgid, hard purple red cock.

Elliot literally ripped her panties to get at her and tossed them haphazardly by the side of the bed. Then with one push he was inside her. He clamped at hand on Liv's mouth because she was moaning so loudly as he pummeled her hard and fast. Her legs were spread as wide as she could get them and her hands were clenching his bunching ass muscles.

Then Elliot felt her start to shake from under him and it was all he could do from crying out loud as her vaginal muscles clenched, clamped and squeezed his cock over and over, signaling her orgasm. Her entire body was shaking but he held her until he felt her calm down a bit. But as the waves of pleasure finally slowed down for Olivia, Elliot's peaked. He felt his orgasm barrel down his shaft and he kept pounding into her, semen spurting into her with each powerful thrust. Had they been anywhere else, Elliot would have surely shouted her name.

When Elliot was done, he and Olivia looked at each other, breathing hard, their cheeks flushed with color. They couldn't believe what they had just done. "We can't do that again." Olivia panted out, untangling herself from Elliot's embrace.

"Why?" Elliot asked, his eyes still dark with leftover desire and lust.

Olivia chuckled but then she sobered, "El, I know you and I both get off on doing what's taboo, but we cannot do this here. We may lose our jobs or at the very least our partnership. And I don't want that."

The thought of losing Olivia as a partner had a stricken looking coming over Elliot's face. "Alright." He finally agreed. "I'm sorry. But I just needed you so badly right then and there."

"I know El. But I'm serious babe, it can't happen here again."

"Hey do you think Fin knows about us?" Elliot suddenly asked her.

They were now both standing up and rearranging themselves. Once he was done, he handed Olivia the now cold coffee and sandwich. "Sorry about that. I completely forgot about the food I bought for you."

Olivia rolled her eyes and replied, "Yeah, that you would. Anyway, why do ask that about Fin?"

"Well, call me paranoid, but he's been giving us dirty looks the entire morning."

"He's just in a bad mood, El. All of us are entitled to a bad day or two once in a while."

"I guess. Well," Elliot replied, shrugging. "I'm sure if he has a problem with either one of us, sooner or later he's gonna tell us."

"Right." Olivia replied. "So for now, don't worry about it, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now will you let me eat first?"

"Sure, you wanna eat here or downstairs? Maybe you should eat here and I can give you a hell of a dessert!"

"El!"

"Alright, alright! Can't blame a guy for trying when you're pussy tastes as good as it does, ya know?" Elliot raised his hands in surrender.

Olivia groaned at his words and told him, "El…enough okay? I'm eating downstairs." Then to end any further discussions, she stood up, walked to the door and walked out leaving him no choice but to follow.

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**OLIVIA AND ELLIOT**

Sunday night, 7:30 pm

"Can I come up?" Elliot asked as he parked the car by Liv's building. It was about 7:30 pm and they were done for the day. This was the first time in weeks that they've had the luxury to go home early and Olivia was eager to make use of it.

"El…" Olivia replied, "As much as I am very tempted to say yes, I'm going to say no. Go home to Kathy. "

"Why are you telling me to do that? I mean…"

"I know El, but she's still your wife. And if she gets suspicious, well I may not have a choice. So if it means sacrificing being with you for the night, so be it…"

Elliot gazed into her chocolate brown eyes and finally conceded. "Okay, but you and I get to have lunch downtown tomorrow, okay?"

Olivia chuckled, "Let's see how our day goes Stabler."

"I'll take that. Good night Liv."

"El? I hope you don't break my heart." Olivia told him, her face serious.

"And I hope you don't break mine."

They just gazed at each other for a moment and since neither one could make that promise, instead of saying something that they may not be able to fulfill, they simply kissed.

While neither one of them was breaking each other's heart at the moment, what they didn't realize was that they had broken someone else's heart.

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**KATHLEEN**

Sunday, 7:32 pm

Kathleen Stabler had always been close to Olivia and she was used to dropping by Olivia's house every so often. Unfortunately, tonight was one of those nights. She had been working on a paper on her Women's Studies class and she wanted to pick Olivia's brain so seeing that she had been in the Upper West Side area, she decided to drop by.

Big mistake. As she was about to cross the street, she saw her dad and Olivia pull up. She was about to call to the both of them when suddenly, her heart split in two as she saw her dad kissing Olivia. She had never seen him kiss her mom that way. And as much as she loved Olivia, she was suddenly very angry at the two of them.

She stayed a moment longer, unable to look away. But thankfully she regained her senses, abruptly turned around and ran. Tears ran down her cheeks as she fled. At the moment, the only thought in her head was 'Dad how could you?"

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**KATHY**

Sunday night, 7:36 pm

Elliot had called Kathy and told her that he was on his way home. Kathy was happy but truth be told she was more apprehensive more than anything else. She didn't really know what she was going to say to him after the blow up they had this morning. Rationally she knew the best thing to do was to confront him and tell him her suspicions. But as much as she knew that was the right thing to do, she was scared to do it. She was scared that she might not be ready for the answers he may give her. As her mother used to always tell her, don't ask the questions, if you're not ready to hear the answers. She knew the questions. She knew what would give her peace. But was she ready to face the truth and the consequences that went along with it? She wasn't sure.

In order to calm her nerves, she started to clean up their bedroom. She started to vacuum and was startled when she heard something that seemed bigger than dust and paper was sucked into it. It sounded sort of metallic. She quickly turned the vacuum off and she opened the "bag", looking for the object that she had sucked in accidentally.

She had just started and she had just cleaned the vacuum out prior to using it today, so it only took a few seconds to find the cause of that sound. And when she saw what it was, her heart dropped along with vacuum cleaner.

Elliot's wedding ring. Numb, she sat down on their bed, not caring that the floor was now dirty with dust and debris from the fallen vacuum cleaner.

She didn't know what to think or say to him now. He had clearly lied to her. She should have known. After 26 years of marriage he was going to have the ring cleaned now? Her bullshit alarm had gone off when he first told her that. But he had managed to distract her with sex. Oh God! Did he only make love to her so that she'd be distracted?

Tears started to pour forth from Kathy's eyes again. Her hand trembled as she held the ring. She balled the palm that held the ring into a tight fist, so tight that she knew she was leaving fingernail markings on her hand. But she couldn't help it. She was so hurt.

Of course, she rationalized, it could be that Elliot had dropped the ring in their bedroom, thought he'd lost it and he assumed she'd get mad, so he had concocted the cleaning story to give him more time to figure out what he should actually tell her. She could definitely see him doing that. It WAS a plausible explanation. But her gut was telling her otherwise. It was telling her that it wasn't the reason he had told her the lie. But once more she had no proof.

_You saw them kissing! What more proof do you need? Do you need to catch them in the act?_

"Maybe." She answered the voice in her head.

_What the hell Kathy? Seriously. Use your brain. But if that's what you need then get the proof you need now. This can only become worse. _

"I don't know if I'm ready to find out the truth." Kathy whispered to herself.

_This is not something you'll ever be ready for. But you just gotta take the plunge and find out. Now. _

"I need a little more time. I can't do this…not yet." She replied. As much as it hurt, she knew that it was the truth.

She could swear she heard the little voice in her head sigh. But then it quieted for now. Unable to do anything much until Elliot came home, Kathy simply put the ring down on their dresser table, picked up the fallen vacuum, put it back together and started cleaning up again.

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**OLIVIA AND FIN**

Sunday, 8:07 pm

About half an hour after Elliot left, Olivia heard her buzzer sound. Mike had actually called but she asked him for a rain check telling him that she hadn't had much rest since she last saw him due to a pending case. Having been a detective himself, Mike understood and let her be. He told her he'd just call her another time and to rest up. Almost hoping that Mike had not taken no for an answer, she pressed her intercom and said, "Yes, who is it?"

"Hey, Liv, it's Fin. Can I come up?"

Olivia was surprised but then recovered quickly, pressing the button to let him in. "Sure, come on up Fin."

A few minutes later, Olivia was opening the door for him.

"Hey." She greeted him. "Whassup? You want a beer or something?"

"No thanks, Liv." Fin told her. "I can't stay long."

"Okay." Olivia replied, looking puzzled. "So whassup? You wanna sit?"

"No, it's okay. Look Liv, what are you doing?" Fin asked, looking and sounding upset, getting to the point.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, though her heart was pounding. She had a feeling she knew what Fin was talking about.

"Liv. I saw you and Elliot. Kissing. This morning."

"Huh? What? How? Were you spying on us?" Suddenly Olivia sounded upset and defensive.

"Hell no, Liv. The last thing I want is to get involved with whatever mess you guys have created for yourselves." Fin told her bluntly.

"Then why are you here? And how did you know?" Olivia asked him, her eyes downcast. She was unable to meet his gaze.

He had to give it to her. At least she didn't deny it. "I was with Ken this morning. He lives nearby if you recall. Anyway, I was driving down your street, this street afterwards and as I passed by who do I see but you and Elliot coming out of your building and you were kissing. And trust me that wasn't a 'we're just friends kiss' that I saw. I know it was more than that."

Olivia hung her head, unable to answer. She could feel the disappointment emanating from Fin. And suddenly she was ashamed, really ashamed. She was so into the affair, so close to it, that she had even the friend she had chosen to tell was the one friend she knew who wouldn't judge – who wouldn't force her to decide or tell her bluntly to end it.

"Liv, why? You're better than this! Why are you doing this?"

"I love him." Olivia whispered achingly.

She finally looked at him and Fin despite his disappointment at that moment felt his heart go out to her then. To her credit, she looked tortured.

"I've known that for a long time, Baby Girl. And I know – we all know that Elliot loves you too. Hell, every time he looks at you and you look at him, we see it. On one hand, I'm happy you guys finally took your blinders off, but Liv, he's married. And if you're the one he truly loves, then he has to do something about Kathy first. And if you keep allowing him to have his cake and eat it too, he'll never do anything."

"I know Fin. I already told Casey about this. And she basically told me to make him choose. But of course, you know Casey, the affair also excited her. So she didn't really push."

"So Casey knows about this?"

"Yeah. She's actually here for the weekend and I saw her last night."

"Well, at least you have someone you can talk to." Fin conceded. "I'm actually more angry at him than you."

"Why?" Olivia asked, not understanding.

"Because, Liv, he's the married one. He's not just hurting you or being unfair to you, he's being unfair to Kathy and his five children. He's being a prick doing this with you. I want to tell you to walk away because that's really the right thing to do but that's your choice."

Olivia nodded. "I can't, Fin."

Fin sighed. "I know Liv. Anyway, like I said, I'm not going to stay long. But I couldn't keep quiet as your friend. I chose to talk to you instead of Elliot – instead of talking to you together because I know how he is. He's just going to get mad. You're both my friends, so I wanted to tell you as your friend my honest opinion. Liv, I think this is wrong. And I think you and Elliot both know that. But what you do in your own time, is your business. But I need you think about this seriously Liv. Because this not just jeopardizing his family, but your careers. Imagine if they find out about this, all of your cases will be called into question. Please don't do this. But having said that, I am here for you. BOTH of you. I will listen to you guys and be there for you. But also know that there is no point in time that I will lie to Kathy or any of his kids for you, okay?"

"Okay, Fin. Fair enough." Olivia replied, looking sad, but also feeling a bit relieved. She was glad someone in the office knew now. That way if things got out of hand, someone could jolt them back to reality.

"Good. So anyway, I gotta go. I don't want to be here if he suddenly shows up." Fin told her, looking horrified at the thought.

Olivia gave him a small smile. "Don't worry, he went home to Queens already. Even if he decided to turn around at this point, it'll take him an hour at least to get back here. So you're safe." She reassured him.

"Good to hear. Still I gotta go. I'm exhausted and since we were given this rare opportunity to go home early, I will take advantage of it by sleeping." Fin told her.

"Good for you. I have the same plans except I have to soak in the tub first."

The two colleagues and friends looked at each other before Olivia spoke up once more. "Thank you for your honesty Fin."

"You can always count on me to be honest Baby Girl even during the times when you don't want to hear the truth. You're my friend and friends tell each other the truth."

"Thanks, Fin."

"You're welcome. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure and Fin?"

"Could you not treat Elliot any differently, if you can?"

Fin could see Olivia imploring to say yes to her request and he conceded. "Alright, Liv. I'll do my best."

"Thanks."

"Good night, Liv."

"Good night, Fin."

And with that, Fin left, leaving Olivia to think once more if she could stand to continue this any longer.

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**KATHY AND ELLIOT**

Sunday, 8:58 pm

The moment that Elliot entered the bedroom, he knew something was seriously wrong. He saw Kathy, back to the door, sitting on their bed, the same bed they have shared for more than 20 years. He looked at her for a moment before he spoke up and realized that Kathy had their wedding album out and was looking through it.

He was about to say something, but she beat him to it. "We were so young and happy and terrified…. Remember El?" Kathy said suddenly. She didn't look up at him, but instead kept going through their wedding album.

"Yeah. I remember." Elliot answered her, going to sit next to her on the bed.

"What happened to those two, Elliot? I mean yes, we were terrified but we were happy and in love." Kathy finally looked at Elliot, unshed tears in her eyes, making them sparkle.

"I don't know, Kath." Elliot replied honestly. "I think they're both still there, but right now life is just getting in the way, you know?"

"El…" Kathy took a deep breath before continuing. "Why'd you lie to me about the ring? You didn't have it cleaned. I found it today while vacuuming. It was under our bed."

Elliot sighed and he reached for her hands. Clasping them in his, he attempted to reconnect with his wife, though his heart was far from it. Once more he found the lies easily rolling off his tongue. "I'm sorry, Kathy. I just didn't know how to tell you I'd lost it. I had a hives attack the other day and my hands started really itching so I took it off and put it inside my pocket. After I took the Claritin, I had forgotten about the ring in my pocket. And the next thing I knew you were asking me and it wasn't in my pocket and well, I panicked. I didn't want you to find out that I had lost it."

The alarm bells were ringing in Kathy's head really loudly again. Listening to him, the explanation was plausible, possible but someone even thought it was all that, it didn't ring true. But again, like she admitted to herself earlier, she wasn't ready for the truth.

At the same, she wasn't ready to quite just let it go yet and she asked him yet another blunt question. "El, what happened to you last night? First you were telling me we were going to have a romantic night and the next thing I know you were bolting out of here."

Elliot sighed but he curbed his impatience. He was tired and he didn't want to fight. He also didn't want her hysterical and crying again. Because in all honesty, if she did that he didn't think he'd be able to hold back. _Well maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. _That voice in his head came alive again.

"Maybe." He finally conceded to it.

_Wow you're finally growing a pair. _

"Shut up. Maybe it won't be such a bad thing. But I'm still not ready."

_You and Kathy are both lying to yourselves. And so are you and Olivia. And Elliot you know what, you're the key to all of this. Don't do this to them. Don't do this to yourself._

But once more Elliot ignored the voice and instead turned to Kathy. "The Cap called us in. Like I told you were in interrogation the entire night. And today, we were making sure all the evidence was secure."

He could feel Kathy looking at him and weighing his statement. He didn't know whether she really believed him or not but, she didn't fight him either. What she did instead was just to nod, as a weary look came upon her face. "Well, I'm glad you guys were able to get your perp."

"Thanks, Kath."

Kathy looked down at the album on her lap one more time and took in their wedding photo one last time before closing it. "Twenty six years, Elliot. Imagine that."

Elliot thought he heard an edge to her voice but again, didn't take the bait. "Yeah, that's really something, isn't it?"

"I know. I love you, Elliot."

Elliot paused for a moment and Kathy thought that he wasn't going to say it back. But then he broke into a smile – a smile that could have been wider she felt, but nevertheless a smile and replied, ""Love you too, Kath."

"So…" Kathy stood up and opened the cabinet by their bathroom door and put their wedding album back inside it. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah, not really hungry. Just exhausted. So if you don't mind, I'd like to shower then crash. "

"Okay and El?"

He turned to look at her. "Yes, Kathy?"

"Your wedding ring is on the dresser." Kathy advised him, pointing it out. "I'd really love it if you could put it back on. "

Elliot flushed but quickly obeyed. "I'm going to have to be more careful where I put this from now on." He thought.

"Thanks. Well, go take your shower. I'm going to have a quick dinner and then join you in bed, okay?"

"Sounds good, Kathy. Thanks and again I'm sorry for being a prick and not calling you last night."

"It's okay Elliot. I know how your cases get. Just try not to let it happen again."

"I'll try. I promise."

With that, Kathy gave him a kiss on the cheek and then went downstairs to eat, leaving Elliot to shower.

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**OLIVIA**

Sunday evening, two weeks later

Olivia was in a panic. She desperately looked for the calendar she usually kept on her nightstand but wasn't there at the moment.

She finally found it behind her nightstand having fallen behind it. Quickly she looked through her calendar and her worst fear was confirmed. It had been 35 days since her last period. She was usually like clockwork. Every 28 days. She was now at 35 days. Olivia's heart started to pound. She was late.

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_**TBC…**_

_**Uh-oh, now what? Is Liv really pregnant? And what about Kathleen? Will she confront Elliot or tell Kathy or both? **_

_**Find out next! **_

_**In the meantime, please review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

_**For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction – that's the law of inertia. **_

**KATHLEEN**

Sunday evening, about 6:30 pm

It had been 2 weeks since she saw the kiss between her dad and Olivia. Kathleen didn't know what to do. Her first instinct was to tell her mom because she didn't want her humiliated that way. But then again, she knew that if she went with that instinct, it might result in destroying her family. Unwilling to let that happen without a fight, she had kept her mouth shut for now. But what she witnessed was destroying her. She had been unable to concentrate in her classes since, she was so tormented.

She was tempted to seek out Maureen but then again, it might have the same effective of tearing their family apart. So she tossed that idea out the window too. But she needed to do something. Otherwise she would burst. But what?

_Tell your dad._

"No way! He'd get mad and crazy!"

_Tell him you know. Tell him he needs to make this right._

"What if he divorces my mom?"

_That's beyond your control, Kathleen. You love your parents, but they also gotta love each other._

"I feel betrayed. I loved Olivia."

_Loved? You don't anymore?_

"Well, it's just how could they?"

_Why not ask them?_

Suddenly, Kathleen couldn't take it anymore. She was going to confront them. She was going to tell them she knew.

Now don't go shouting at them at the precinct.

"Why not? They should be called out so that they can't be partners anymore."

Then your dad will definitely be mad at you. Instead of listening to you, he won't.

Kathleen sighed. She knew that the inner voice talking to her was right. If she played her cards right, her dad may just feel guilty enough to do something once and for all.

Hurriedly, she freshened herself up and left her dorm making her way to the 16th precinct.

**KATHLEEN AND ELLIOT**

Sunday, 7:00 pm

"Dad?"

Elliot looked up and saw Kathleen standing there. She looked sad and serious causing alarm bells to ring in his head. "Katie? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"No…"

Elliot's heart jumped in his throat as he got up from his desk and walked towards his daughter. Once he was next to her, he began to examine her. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?

Kathleen cringed at her father's touch and waved him away. "Dad, stop. I'm okay. I'm not hurt or anything like that."

"But you just said everything wasn't okay? What's wrong Katie?" Elliot still looked concerned.

"No it isn't."

"I'm confused…"

"Is there somewhere more private we can talk? Is Olivia here?"

He looked puzzled as ever but then he answered his daughter. "Uh, no Olivia's not here. The Cap sent her home because she's been here all night last night working on a case. And yes, we can go to the lounge upstairs if you want."

"Oh, okay. I wish she was here too. But I suppose you'll do."

"Katie, you're scaring me."

"So where is this lounge?" Kathleen asked him, not bothering to respond to his remark about getting scared.

"Upstairs. Let's go."

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**ELLIOT AND KATHLEEN**

Sunday, 7:10 pm

"Katie are you alright?" Elliot asked one more time as he closed the door to the lounge behind him.

Elliot was alarmed when he realized Kathleen was crying as she sat on the couch. "Kathleen, you gotta tell me what's wrong, please!"

He started to put his arms around his daughter but then she pushed him away and stood up, still crying.

He was about to repeat his question when suddenly, Kathleen asked in a voice shaking with suppressed rage, "How could you, Dad? How could you and Liv?"

All at once Elliot paled at her words and he had to swallow hard. "What…what do you mean, Katie?" He stammered out.

"I saw you! I saw the two of you! Kissing at her apartment two weeks ago!"

"Wha-What? You must…you must have…"

"What? Made a mistake? Dad, stop denying it. I SAW YOU!" Kathleen's voice was getting louder and louder.

Nervously, Elliot looked outside to check if there was anyone passing by. Thankfully, it was just him and Kathleen.

"You..you did?" Elliot managed to croak out.

"Yes, I did! For years, Mom has been telling us that she thought you guys had a thing and we kept defending you two! We always told her she was paranoid! And now I find out she was right all along."

"No she wasn't." Elliot replied, his voice soft, his cheeks flushed and his expression very guilty.

"She wasn't? So that kiss I saw between the two of you? What was that? A friendly kiss? Coz you know what dad, that wasn't just a friendly kiss."

"Katie…" Elliot finally looked at his daughter in the eye as he spoke. "Look, your mom wasn't right. This…this was recent."

"How recent?" Kathleen asked, her arms crossed, her tone still very much angry.

"About 2 months." Elliot told her honestly.

Kathleen stared at Elliot trying to determine if he was telling the truth and her gut told her that he was. She felt calmer knowing that he was being honest but she was still very angry. However, she finally sat down on the couch and Elliot sat on the chair next to her. He waited for her to speak and a moment later she did. "Why dad? Do you love her?"

Elliot laughed without mirth all of a sudden, startling Kathleen. But then he stopped and tears filled his eyes as he struggled to give Kathleen honest answers. "Why, Katie? I don't know."

"Don't you love Mom anymore?"

Elliot hastily wiped the tears from his eyes and squeezed his eyes trying to stop the tears from coming again. "I…I do Katie. I always will love your mom."

"Then why?"

Elliot could barely breath. He gazed at his daughter who continued to look at him, unwilling to let him to off the hook, wanting answers from him badly. "Katie, it's true, I will always love your mom, but.."

Elliot's voice trailed off and tears started to pour from his eyes. He couldn't help it. The reason that he avoided thinking about this for so long was because he knew that whatever happened, there would be someone hurt, including himself. And because of that, he tried to prolong the inevitable.

"But what, Dad? Please, I want to understand." Kathleen begged him, her dad's tears scaring her.

"But…I'm not sure if I'm still in love with her." There he finally said it. He finally told the truth. He knew it was the truth. He had known for a long time. He would always love Kathy. Always. But was he still in love with her. He didn't think so.

"Why? Was it something she did?"

His daughter looked anguished and knowing that he was the cause of her anguish, made him hurt a little more. But he forced himself to give her a small smile of reassurance. "No, Katie. Your mom didn't do anything wrong. It's just well, I think we grew up and grew apart!"

"What do you mean dad?" Kathleen asked, silent tears running down her cheeks again.

Elliot didn't hesitate anymore and pulled her into an embrace. And this time, Kathleen didn't fight it. For a few minutes, father and daughter simply stayed that way, crying at the same time, anguished and comforted all at once.

Then finally as their tears slowed down, Kathleen pulled away from Elliot and asked once more, "What do you mean, Dad?"

"I mean, well Katie, you know that your mom and I got married really young because we were having Maureen. And please don't get me wrong, I've never regretted that at all. Because of that, I have 5 beautiful children. But we were younger than you now when we got married. And we didn't know much. And now that we are grown up, well we grew apart. It's no one's fault. It just how it became."

Kathleen nodded, understanding beginning to dawn on her face. But then she dropped another hard question. "Okay, dad. I get that. But why have an affair with Liv? Why not tell Mom all this and end things right if that's really how you feel. Or are you unsure?"

"Because, Katie," Elliot answered painfully, "this is not an easy decision to make. I don't want to hurt your mom. I don't want to lose you guys. "

"But dad, you're being selfish! And not to mention unfair to all of us, including Olivia!"

"I know but…"

"But nothing, dad! You're Elliot Stabler and everyone always tells me what a big bad cop, Elliot Stabler is. So aggressive, so strong, so brave fighting for justice for the special victims in Manhattan. You go after criminals fearlessly and yet when it comes to this, you're nothing but a coward, dad. A big coward."

Elliot felt like as if she had slapped him and a vein on his forehead began to throb. "Kathleen, I know what you must think of me right now, but I am still your father. You cannot speak to me that way."

"Fine. But it's true, you know? And don't think I haven't noticed that you haven't answered my question about Olivia. Do you love her, Dad?"

Without knowing it, a soft expression came over Elliot's face as Kathleen forced him to think about Olivia. Kathleen saw it however and almost gasped. But she managed not to and instead prodded him to answer. "Dad, I'm not gonna stop. Do you love Olivia? Are you in love with her? Because if you're just sleeping with her, it'd be one thing, but if you're in love with her, then it's another story."

That expression on his face that made Kathleen almost gasp became even more pronounced and this time she did gasp. But Elliot was caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear or see Kathleen's reaction. "Katie…" His voice trailed off once more. He badly wanted to tell her the truth. That yes, he loved Olivia, that it wasn't just sex but he couldn't. Not because he was running away from the truth again, but because he knew that if he said it out loud, it would concretize it and whether she realized it or not at that moment, it would hurt her. And she was already hurt enough.

"It's okay, dad. You don't need to continue. I mean…Dad, if you could only see your face right now." Kathleen told him.

"What?" Elliot looked confused.

Kathleen shook her head sadly and told him, "Your face. Your expression. When I asked you if you were in love with her, I don't it – it softened – it was like all of a sudden you were remembering something wonderful."

"Really? I, I didn't realize…"

"Dad, don't. Deep down, I've known it for years. I mean you'd have to be blind not to see it. And I know she loves you too. I see that love everytime you guys look at each other. Every time she goes out of her way to help you out, to help us out – hell, she even helped mom give birth to Eli even though I know how much that must have hurt her. You love her and she loves you. And I'm not mad at you for loving someone other than mom. I get it. But I am mad at you because you chose to do it this way. I'm mad at Olivia too, because she knows you're married. But Olivia doesn't owe mom anything. She's married to mom. You are. And because of that, ultimately the decision has to come from you. The choice to be honest has to come from you. Please dad, tell mom. This is not fair to her or even to Olivia."

"But what if I lose you guys in the process?" Elliot looked really scared and tears welled up in his eyes again.

Kathleen wrapped her arms around her father again and told him, "We won't let that happen, Dad. I promise you. But you need to make this right."

"I know." Elliot remarked, his voice tinged with guilt and sadness.

Kathleen let him go and looked at him once more. "You know on my way here, I really wanted to let you have it and Liv too, had she bee here. But I realized that wasn't going to get me anywhere. So here I am, telling you yes, I'm angry, I'm disappointed but you're also my father. I want you to be happy. I love you dad, and if mom isn't the right one for you, then who's to say you don't both deserve to find the right person for you. You may already have found her in Olivia but until you let go of mom she won't be able to do the same. I know it's not easy, but you need to tell mom the truth. Tonight, if possible."

"I'm scared Katie." Elliot found himself confessing to his daughter.

"I am too, Dad. But you know it's the right thing to do." Kathleen looked at her dad with imploring eyes. "Please, dad. You gotta."

Elliot gazed at his daughter's eyes, the same blue ones that he saw in the mirror everyday and heaved a great sigh. "Alright. When I get home, I promise I'll talk to your mom."

"And no matter what happens, I want you to call me after."

"Alright, Katie, I promise."

"And dad, no matter what, we will get through this as a family, okay?"

Elliot nodded and then asked, "Are you gonna be okay with Olivia?"

Kathleen paused and a wary look came about her expression. "Are you really gonna be with her dad?"

"I think so, Katie." Elliot told her.

"Dad, you have to know this is a lot right now. So I'm sorry if I can't even begin to think about you and Olivia. Yes, I know you love each other – I told you that earlier but please, we're your family – please set things right with mom first. After that, well we shall see. That's the best I can do for now."

Elliot gave her a sad smile and then hugged her once more. "I'll take that. And Katie, I really am sorry for putting you through this. I guess I've been selfish, but I honestly didn't know what to do. Still don't truth be told, but I have to start somewhere. And telling your mom – well it's something I should have done a while back."

"Promise me you'll talk to her tonight dad. Please. Otherwise, I'm sorry I don't mean to give you an ultimatum but if you don't talk to her tonight, I will tell her tomorrow. I swear dad, I will. So tell her now because I know it'll be worse if she hears it from someone else, especially her daughter. "

"I promise, Katie."

There was nothing left to say, and after one last embrace between father and daughter, Kathleen left.

And before Elliot could change his mind, he hurriedly left the precinct to go home and tell Kathy everything finally.

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**OLIVIA AND MELINDA**

Sunday evening, 7:15 pm

"Mel?" Olivia called out the name of the medical examiner as she entered her office. Olivia had called her the minute she realized she was late and had asked to come. Thankfully Dr. Warner had agreed and that is why she was where she was right now.

"Right here, Liv."

Mel emerged from her inner office and approached Olivia, a worried look on her face.

"So what's up, Liv? You didn't sound like yourself on the phone. Is everything okay?"

Olivia suddenly pitched forward as if she was going to fall. It was good thing that Melinda was able to react quickly and catch her. Melinda guided her to a chair, helped her sit down, grabbed another chair and faced her friend.

"Thanks." Olivia told her, catching her breath and running a hand through her thick brown hair.

"You're welcome but Liv, you gotta tell me what's going on. I'm getting really worried here. Is everything okay?"

Olivia took several deep breaths then finally, she looked to find Melinda looking at her, a very concerned look on her face. She gave a wan smile and replied, "Mel. I need a favor from you."

"As long as it's within my power, Liv, of course!" Mel returned, still concerned.

"And I know as soon as I ask it you're gonna have questions. And for now, I'd really appreciate it if you don't. I will answer them as soon as I can but not tonight. I hope that's okay."

"Liv, as long as it's not illegal and within my power then no problem."

"And also, I need you to know that I am coming to you tonight not really as your friend, but as a patient."

"A patient?"

"Yes, as much as you are my friend, tonight I need you to be my doctor." Olivia told her, her voice was soft but her eyes were serious and her tone was firm.

Slowly, Melinda nodded. She was still confused, but she trusted Olivia. "Are you okay, Liv?"

"Yes, Mel. I am but I need you to draw my blood."

"Why?"

"I need you to do a pregnancy test on me."

"What?"

Olivia could see that Melinda wanted so badly to ask her why and she knew the next question would be if she was, who was the father.

"You heard me." Olivia said, looking straight at her.

Melinda met her gaze head on. Remembering her promise to not ask any questions, Melinda simply answered, "Okay. No problem, Olivia."

"And remember Mel, I'm here as a patient not your friend. So I'm expecting that this, all of this will be covered by doctor patient privilege."

"Got it."

Melinda went to her supply cabinet to get a syringe, a vial for the blood sample, cotton and a band-aid. Olivia extended her arm and Melinda looked for a vein that looked good. Finding one, she swabbed it with a cotton ball with alcohol, plunged the syringe into her and drew. Several seconds later, her blood was in the vial and Melinda had put a band-aid over the area where she drew blood.

"So, what now Liv? I can run the test right now. It'll just take a few minutes."

"No, no. I don't want you to do that yet. The blood won't degrade right?"

"No it won't but….I don't understand."

"Mel, I know and I'm sorry if I'm being so mysterious right now, but please this is the part where our friendship comes in."

"Liv, look, don't worry about me. I'm just worried about you. Can I ask just one question? Medical not personal."

Olivia looked at her and then nodded. "Okay."

"I'm sure you have a good reason to ask me to run this test but may I ask when was your last period?"

"35 days ago."

"And your cycle is usually?"

"I'm like clockwork, Mel. Every 28 days."

"So you're a week late."

"Yes."

"And have you been sexually active without the use of birth control?"

Olivia hesitated, swallowing hard before she answered, "Yes."

"Do you want me to run an STD test too?"

"No, no need." Olivia replied.

"Okay. Well, thank you for answering my questions. One more and I'm done."

Olivia nodded.

"What's next, Liv? I have you blood sample. Now what?"

"Mel I know this is going to sound strange, but you can actually run the test as soon as I leave. Do you think a week late is enough to know."

"Yes, Liv, it is."

"Okay, well run it BUT I don't want to know the result yet."

"Why?" Melinda couldn't help herself. She had to ask.

"Because I want to know what I'm going to do first. My situation with the father of the baby is… a little complicated, shall we say. If I am, you can be sure I am keeping the baby, but I have to figure things out first. I just want to know how I feel about all of this. And right now, I'm just overwhelmed."

"Okay, Liv. I'll run the tests tonight and as soon as you're ready, then give me a call. But do me a favor, don't wait too long. If you are pregnant, at your age, you need to take certain precautions so the sooner we know the better."

"I promise, I won't. I just need a day or two – 3 days at the most to think things through."

"I understand. No problem Liv. You can count on me."

"And Mel? Should you get a visit from anyone about this? You don't know anything."

"Who would I get a visit from?"

"Just whoever, okay?"

"Okay. Anyway, like you said, you came here to seek me out as a doctor so this is covered by doctor patient privilege. Don't worry."

"Thanks, Mel. I owe you."

"It's okay, Liv. What are friends for? You just take care okay?"

"I will I promise. I'll call you soon."

"Alright, I'll hold you to that."

Impulsively Olivia gave her friend a quick hug, surprising her. Melinda returned the embrace and then a few moments later, Olivia had extracted herself, turned around and left. And Melinda was left to wonder two things: _Who was the father of Olivia's baby? And if she was indeed pregnant, what the hell was Elliot going to say or do? _

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**ELLIOT AND KATHY**

Sunday, 9:15 pm

Elliot looked at Kathy disbelievingly. He couldn't believe what he just heard. "You know? How?"

Kathy had a sad and contemptuous look on her face now as she replied, "Yes, I do Elliot. And even know who the someone else is."

"You…you do?" Elliot looked pale as he looked down on the floor, unable to meet Kathy's eyes.

"Yes. It's Olivia. I saw you and her kissing about a month and a half ago. In your sedan."

"A month and a half ago? Kathy, why didn't you say something?" Elliot asked her, finally looking at his wife's face. He couldn't believe where they were now. They had come a long way from their wedding day. But instead of going forward and making things better, they had gone backwards and were heading towards failure.

Kathy gave a sarcastic laugh and crossed her arms. "And make things easy for you? Give you an easy out? No way, El. And besides, I wanted to keep this family together. Even if it meant sharing you with her. I figured at least you still came home to me."

For some reason, her words made Elliot smile and Kathy saw it. And she became all the more furious. "You think this is funny?"

"No, no Kath, I don't think it's funny. But what you said, it just reminded me of why I loved you in the first place."

"Oh." Kathy suddenly lost the fight in her. Elliot always had the knack for finding the right words to calm her down.

"Kathy, I don't know what to say, I can't even begin to think of how much I must be hurting you. But with or without Olivia in the picture, I think…well I think we've grown apart Kath. We're not the same people we were when we got married."

"So is it really over, Elliot?"

"I…I'm sorry, Kathy, I really am." Elliot hung his head, once again unable to look Kathy in the eye.

"I hate her." Kathy suddenly bitterly exclaimed. "If she hadn't been your partner, this would have probably never have happened."

"Kath, like I said, this isn't really about Olivia."

"It isn't? You've been sleeping with her! God Elliot, no wonder you wanted to wear a condom with me!" Kathy spat out.

"Kathy, that has nothing to do with Olivia. I told you why. Kathy I'm almost 50 and I do not want a 6th kid."

_Well, at least not with you_. That traitorous voice in his head spoke again.

"Shut up."

"Right, I don't believe you."

"Fine Kathy. Be that way again. If you knew about Olivia and me, haven't you ever asked yourself why I turned to her? Have you looked at yourself and asked why I needed someone other than you? If you haven't maybe it's time you should."

"Fuck you, Elliot. I'm your wife and you committed adultery you son of a bitch and you have the nerve to blame me for that? Fuck you, Elliot."

A vein was throbbing in Elliot's forehead and he could barely control his temper. He so wanted to make things right just like he promised Kathleen but if Kathy was going to be a bitch then he was going to be a bastard.

_No, don't! Don't take her bait, Elliot come on._

"Fuck you."

"You're nothing but a coward Elliot. A good for nothing husband and an absentee father. I can't believe I went back to you. I should have gone through with the divorce."

"Yes you should have. Then maybe we would have been able to finally find happiness and peace instead of guilt, tension and frustration."

Kathy suddenly gasped and tears started to fall from her eyes again. "Bastard!"

"Yeah, Kathy I am. And you know what else? I LOVE LIV. And I don't use condoms with her. Only with you."

At those final words, Kathy crossed the room and slapped him soundly across the face. "Get out!" She told him in a vicious whisper. "Kiss Eli goodbye because it's the last time you'll see him and then get out."

"You can't do this Kathy."

"Watch me. You just made the biggest mistake of your life and you're going to pay greatly! Now before I call Queens SVU and report you for verbal spousal abuse, get out." Kathy spat out, almost violently.

Having no desire to argue further, Elliot pulled his always ready overnight duffel from under their bed and left. He needed to get out of there before he did anything he would regret. And as he walked down the stairs, he heard Kathy break down in sobs and Lizzie rushing into their room.

Elliot sighed. His kids were going to hate him. But it was done. And as much as he knew he was in for a bitter divorce battle, he also felt free because he finally told the truth.

As he got to the door of the house, he stopped for a moment. He then took off his wedding ring, put it down on the table by the door and that's where he left it as he stepped out into the cool evening.

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**OLIVIA**

Sunday, 8:17 pm

livia had put her phone on silent mode when she left Melinda's. Then she went home, packed a few things then made two phone calls. One was to Casey and the other to the Captain.

Without going into why, she asked Casey if she could stay with her for a couple of days to which of course Casey said yes to.

She then went online and looked for the cheapest ticket to Las Vegas. She found a Jet Blue flight leaving JFK in about three hours, booked it and called for a car service.

While waiting for the car service, Olivia called Captain Cragen explaining that she had to take a couple of days personal leave. Cragen had granted it to her but then asked why. And just like with Melinda, Olivia asked if she could just tell him another time. Cragen reluctantly conceded.

Then Olivia added that if Elliot looked for her, just to tell him she went on leave for a couple of days and that she'd be back. If he asked why, she continued further, just to tell him that he didn't know.

"Okay, Liv." Captain Cragen conceded.

"Thanks Cap."

"You take care, Liv. And if you need any help, I'm here okay? We're all here." There was a note of concern in the Captain's voice and Olivia heard it.

"I'll keep that in mind Cap. But don't worry I'm not in any trouble. I just need to take care of something personal. I'll be back on Thursday but I'd appreciate it if you don't tell Elliot that."

"Okay. If that's what you want."

"That's what I want."

"Okay, just don't take too long. You know Elliot doesn't do as well with others as he does with you."

"I know. I'll be back, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that, Liv." Cragen told her seriously.

"Bye, Cap. See you Thursday."

And with that she hung up. A moment later, her buzzer sounded. The car service was here. She quickly answered it then went down. Within 5 minutes, they were going crosstown to take the Triborough Bridge into Queens.

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**ELLIOT**

Monday morning, 8:11 am

Elliot had slept at the cribs after leaving his house. Actually his first thought was to go to Olivia's but then he actually felt guilty for even thinking it.

He knew he needed a break from all that was happening, so instead of going to Olivia's and using his keys, he instead went to the precinct and slept there.

When he woke up the next morning, his guilt had waned and he was now eager to talk to Olivia and tell her that he had finally told Kathy.

But then as he got to his desk, Captain Cragen saw him and called him in. He obeyed and went into the Captain's office.

"Close the door, Elliot."

Looking puzzled and slightly concerned, Elliot obeyed. "What's up, Cap?"

"It's Olivia." Cragen answered going straight to the point.

"What about Olivia? Is she okay?" Elliot suddenly got very worried and it showed in his voice and facial expression.

"Yeah she is. But she took a couple personal days so until she comes back, I'll be rotating you with Fin and Munch, okay?"

"Wait, what do you mean she took a couple personal days?"

"Exactly that Elliot. She's on personal leave."

"When will she be back?"

"I don't know yet, Elliot. But she will be back, she assured me of that."

"Do you know where she went, Cap?"

"No, I don't Elliot, I'm sorry."

"But, how can she not tell me? She's my partner!"

"I'm sorry son, I don't know. She called me last night and asked. And I know how hard you both have been working so I allowed her."

"How could she…"

"Elliot. Stop it. She'll be back okay. But for now, you're on rotation with John and Fin. And I believe Fin has an interview with a suspect for the McGinty rape in half an hour. Go with him."

Dazed but nevertheless, Elliot nodded.

"Good. Now get your head in the game and get to work."

And with that he was dismissed, leaving him no choice but to walk out of the Captain's office.

As he sat back down on his desk, he could see Fin looking at him and unable to take it, he stood up and walked to the restroom. There he called Olivia's cell. He tried to call 5 times and each time it just went to voice mail. He howled in frustration. He needed her right now. Where was she? Damn it. He finally left Kathy and suddenly she wasn't there. What was he going to do?

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**MELINDA**

Monday, 1:03 pm

Melinda Warner dialed Olivia's home number and wasn't surprised to find the answering machine pick up. It was a Monday afternoon after all. However she didn't want to call Olivia while at work thus the call to her apartment instead. When the machine beeped, she left a message. "Hi, Liv, it's Mel. I know you said you'd call me when you're ready for the results. In any case, not to push you but I just wanted to let you know that I do have the results. Give me a call when you're ready to hear them. Thanks. Take care."

When she was done, she hung up and sighed. She could only hope that Olivia would be happy with the news that she had for her.

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_**TBC….**_

_**So what happens next? Is Olivia pregnant or is she just late? What does Kathy do? Does Elliot find out that Olivia is late and that she asked Dr. Warner to run a test? Does he find out where she went? What does Casey say? And what decision does Olivia come to about her possible condition and her relationship with Elliot? **_

_**All these and more, coming up next! Just a few more chapters to go before we get to the end folks. Thanks for all the support thus far. Please do review here and on twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine (darn it! LOL)**_

_**In the end we need go back and confront what terrifies and saddens us….**_

**ELLIOT**

Friday, 8:59 pm

It had been five days since he last saw Olivia and he was going crazy. He had not heard from Olivia since that day they parted in the precinct and he had ended up telling Kathy it was over.

He was scared that she was running again. He still remembered Oregon. He could not go through that again.

_You're a selfish son of a bitch you know that? _

The voice in his head came alive again.

_All you think about is yourself. Have you ever thought that Olivia may be in trouble?_

'If she was, she'd have come to me.'

_What if her trouble was you? Maybe she needed to get away to think._

'She would have told me.'

_Would you have let her walk away even for a little bit if she did?_

'Yes I would have.'

_No you wouldn't have. _

'Yes I would have.'

_Look, the Captain said she'd be back. So just hang on. _

That's all he could right now. Hang on. Ever since he had told Kathy about Olivia, she had been making his life hell. She told Lizzie and Dickie about his affair and now they hated him. None of them would speak to him, except Kathleen. Maureen had been more calm about it but she too was mad. Like Kathleen, she thought that he should have been honest.

He knew his daughters were right. But of course, they hadn't been in his shoes. Then again, nothing justified having an affair. He should have told the truth from the start. But he didn't want to lose them. And that's exactly what happened.

'Where are you Liv?'

Even in all the upheaval his family was going through, he still worried about Olivia. He worried about her more, if he was honest. It wasn't because he cared for her more, but he knew that family was family. They were angry and upset right now. But they were his blood. And sooner or later, they would calm down and hopefully begin to understand. Some may think that this was wishful thinking. But he knew his kids, he knew that they'd only want him to be happy. And one day, they would be okay with him again.

'Where are you, Liv?'

He cradled his head in his hands, while he sat on his desk. The absence of Olivia on the desk in front of him was a stark void. Why wasn't she here? He needed her so badly right now. 'Where are you? I need you.'

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**OLIVIA**

Friday night, 9:09 pm

Olivia walked into the 16th precinct. It was Friday night. She had extended her stay in Las Vegas by two days with the Cragen's permission. But now she was back. She didn't know if Elliot was there or not, but at that moment even though she just got in from the West Coast she knew she couldn't go home yet.

The test she had asked Melinda to run had become unnecessary during the flight to Las Vegas. During a trip to the bathroom, she saw that her period had come. As she stared at the stain on her underwear, tears had welled up in her eyes. If she was truly honest with herself, a large part of her wanted to be pregnant. Not because she wanted to get her hooks into Elliot so to speak but damn it, she wanted to be a mother badly. And for a few hours, she thought she was finally getting her wish. And now she wasn't.

The elevator bell signaled that she was on the SVU floor now. She was back and the fact that she was not pregnant started to sink in even more as the elevator doors opened. For one shaky moment, she almost didn't get off. But then she took a deep breath and stepped out.

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**ELLIOT and OLIVIA**

Friday night, 9:11 pm

Somehow he sensed her presence. Before she could even announce herself, he looked up and suddenly she was there.

The moment their eyes met, Elliot knew that she was about to cry. And without another word, he grabbed his car keys and walked over to her. He grabbed her hand, not caring anymore who saw them and without a word, he led them back to the elevator.

Neither of them spoke. The moment they were in his car, Olivia's tears began to fall in earnest. He turned to her about to ask her what was wrong. But before he could even open his mouth, Olivia told him in a choked voice, "Drive. My place. Please El, we'll talk there."

Elliot's heart was racing. He didn't know what was wrong. Only that something was wrong. First she disappeared for 5 days and now that she was back, she was crying.

He drove the long blocks to her apartment as quickly as he could. Olivia was quiet next to him. Only an occasional sob would escape her but then she'd regain control and the tears just fell silently. She was not looking at him. She was staring blankly into the traffic, her hands clutching her duffel bag. Something was very wrong. Elliot was getting really scared but he calmed himself down, knowing that if he panicked, it might make her cry even more. And he didn't want that. He didn't like it when Olivia was crying.

Finally they were in her block and Elliot parked in the first space he saw. As he turned off the car, Olivia quickly got out. He hurriedly followed suit. When he caught up with her, he reached for her bag, which she let him take without a word. She still didn't speak.

The ride up to her apartment was fast. Olivia walked up to her door but then stopped. She didn't make a move to enter. Whatever was bothering her, was rendering her incapable of thinking and doing even the most mundane things.

So, Elliot took out the keys she had given him years ago and opened the door for her. Without saying a word, Olivia stepped in and Elliot followed her.

The moment they were inside, Olivia turned to him and begged him, "El, please make love to me. Make love to me now. I need you."

He was a little bothered that she didn't want to talk but he couldn't deny her what she craved and what he craved.

He picked her up and quickly he brought her to her room and laid her down on her bed. Elliot took off his shoes and then went to lie down beside her. Despite her request for a while all Olivia did was simply wrap her arms around him and lay next to him.

And then all of a sudden Olivia was on top of him and she was unbuttoning his shirt then unzipping his pants and shoving it down together with his boxer briefs.

When she had him naked, she undressed herself quickly until she was only down to her bra and panties. She kept them on but Elliot could already feel her soaking panties against his thigh.

He groaned and he started to reach out for her. But Olivia didn't let him. Instead she grabbed his wrists and it was her who raised his arms above his head, pinning him down.

"Elliot…" She breathed. "Why am I so in love with you? It's wrong. You're married but I can't help myself. You're like fucking cocaine to me. I need you. I need my fix."

As erotic as her words were, Elliot knew something was definitely wrong. Olivia can be very sexual but she had never talked this way before. It was disconcerting but he was also too turned on already to go back. His cock was so hard from her touch and her words. It had been almost a week since they last made love and he missed her so goddamn much.

"I missed you too…I was so worried about you…" Elliot told her, his eyes full of concern.

Before he could say anything more though, Olivia kissed him hard. The moment her lips hit hers, he moaned. Their tongues started playing, fighting against one another - making their kiss become hotter, wetter and more urgent.

"Oh God, El, I love you, I love you." Olivia breathed when she tore her mouth away from his, looking him straight in the eye.

Elliot looked into those eyes and suddenly saw her pain. There was so much pain in her eyes right now and it almost took his breath away. "Liv, baby, you gotta tell me what's wrong."

But Olivia only shook her head. "Elliot just love me, love me please." She began to ground her still panty covered pussy against his thick and hard cock.

Despite everything, Elliot couldn't help but moan once more. "Damn it, Liv, you're fucking wet."

"El…please…" She was begging. Elliot looked at her as she opened her eyes and he could see they were wet with unshed tears.

"Oh God, Liv, why won't you tell me what's wrong. Please Liv, I love you, please tell me. Please let me make you feel better."

"Make love to me El, I need that hard cock of yours inside my pussy now. I'm dripping and I'm aching baby."

She removed her hands from his wrists now and she pulled down her panties and shimmied them off. She started sliding her wet slit up and down his hard and turgid length. The pleasure of her slit just rubbing against his length was so good that Olivia whimpered.

Elliot saw her biting her lip, trying to keep from crying out, from feeling too much pleasure. Then all of sudden it was as if she couldn't take it any more torture. She stopped, her hand was on his cock - taking it and aligning it with her pussy. And just like that he was inside her, throbbing.

"Shit!" Olivia exclaimed as she went on her knees and started a frenzied rhythm going up and down his length.

She clenched her vaginal muscles squeezing his cock and made him cry out loudly."FUCK! LIV! Baby, you know I love it when you do that. Squeeze my cock baby, please."

"El, are you gonna cum inside me?" Her face was flushed and her words came out in shallow breaths. But she continued to ride him hard.

"Baby, yes…yes I am!" Elliot declared, his hands going around her ass, his eyes closed with too much pleasure.

"Elliot…" She whispered and suddenly she changed her movements again. She slowed down now and leaned forward so that her lips were right by his ear. "Elliot, what if we end up making a baby?"

Elliot's eyes flew open and when he looked in her eyes he knew. "Liv! Are you pregnant?" There was surprise in his voice but he didn't sound scared or angry. Just surprised.

Olivia stopped riding him, sat up and was motionless.

"Liv!" Elliot sat up and cupped her face into his hands. He was still inside her, he was still hard but for the moment all his lustful thoughts had disappeared. Instead all he could think about was the pain in her eyes and then the words she had just whispered into his ear. "Please tell me!"

Tears started going down Olivia's eyes again and after a moment or two, she finally replied in a pained voice, "No. But I thought I was. I was late. And I know I should be relieved but I'm not El. I'm heartbroken. I thought I was going to be a mother finally. I thought that even if I eventually have to give you back to Kathy at least I would have your child if not you.. but I'm not. So that means I'm not a mother yet again and I get nothing when you finally decide this is over."

Elliot's heart ached for her right then and there. That voice in his head had been right. He had been acting selfish. He had been thinking only of himself.

"Liv, listen to me baby. It's okay. I'm not leaving you, I promise. And one day, when the time is right, I promise you I will make you a mother." Elliot said the words to her, meaning every one of them from the bottom of his heart.

Olivia laughed bitterly through her tears. She couldn't believe she was having this conversation while Elliot was still inside her. But then again since their affair began 2 months ago nothing surprised her anymore. When she was with Elliot it was like another Olivia took over. Someone she didn't know. Someone daring and weak at the same time. Someone who craved and took, someone who cried and whimpered and made love to a man who wasn't hers and who was hers all at the same time. "Elliot, as much as I'd like to believe you, let's face it - I'm not your wife. So how can you promise me that you won't leave me when every night you have to do that?"

"No, I don't Liv. Not anymore." Elliot answered her softly, his heart soaring at the fact that he was able to now make this promise for real.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked him, looking confused.

"I mean this, Liv." He took his ring hand off of Olivia's cheek, held it up for her to see and continued, "See anything missing?"

Olivia looked confused a moment longer and then her mouth dropped open.

Elliot saw the realization sinking in and he gave a small chuckle. "Kathy and I are done, Liv."

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, not daring to believe it.

"I mean, Olivia, I chose you."

"I never asked you to…."

"I know." Elliot conceded. "But we both know that I had to."

They stared at each other and then they were both moving once more. Elliot suddenly thrust upwards into her and she moaned.

"Elliot baby…oh God!"

The next thing Olivia knew, Elliot had flipped them over and he was on top of her. He started ramming her dripping pussy with his hard cock over and over. His balls were slapping against her ass, and the sounds of her slippery wet pussy being pounded could be heard over the slapping. He pulled her against him, dying to be deeper into her. Wanting to hit into her like he never had.

He put his hands on Liv's ankles lifting them up then pushing them inward so that her pussy was tighter and more accessible. He continued to pummel her. Olivia moaned and writhed underneath him.

"Elliot!" She cried as ecstasy filled every fiber of her body.

"I hope we make a baby right now, Liv." Elliot told her.

In the midst of the sweetness of their lovemaking, Olivia had to chuckle. "El, I just had my period. I won't get pregnant right now."

Elliot groaned and replied, "Well then, think of this as a dress rehearsal then."

"Yes, a dress - oh my fucking….El! Baby!" Olivia wasn't able to finish her thought because at that moment Elliot a particularly sweet and delicious spot inside her.

"You like that baby?" Elliot asked her in a tone harsh with desire.

Olivia nodded her head almost delirious with the sensations he was producing in her.

Elliot grabbed her ankles and put them on his shoulders making her tighter around him and the added friction made him cry out. "FUCK, LIV. Baby. So tight. Your pussy is heaven."

"El, El, I'm so close."

And she was because he felt that warning clench of her pussy that always happened whenever she was hovering near the edge of her nirvana.

He changed motions then and instead of just pummeling into her, he started to rotate his hips. The change of action created whole news sensations in Olivia and she started spewing out sounds and words that were not discernible.

"You like that don't you Liv? Fuck baby…you squeeze my cock so good. My cock loves your pussy so much. God….so fucking close…Livia, my Livia…"

"Oh God, El please…."

"Let go, Liv, just let go, God, I love you so much."

Keeping their eyes on each other, Elliot started to thrust in and out of her again. On his second thrust Olivia arched her back and a loud cry came out of her mouth as she reached her peak. She clawed and fisted the sheets on her bed as she shattered around him, squeezing his cock over and over.

Elliot was in heaven. Every squeeze was pure pleasure and her orgasm was a powerful one. Her pussy seemed to pulsate and grip his cock forever. Then with one last push inside her, Elliot shattered too. He kept thrusting in and out of her pussy, prolonging his orgasm and hers, needing, wanting to feel her pussy gripping him inside her, milking him. Their groans and whimpers became louder and as the waves of pleasure receded, so did their cries until they were finally silent.

For a few moments, neither moved and then, still inside her, Elliot collapsed on top of Olivia as he turned them sideways.

"You're still inside me." Olivia told him, her face flushed, a small smile on her lips.

"I know. I want to stay inside you forever. Your pussy…dear God, Liv…there are no words."

Olivia gave a small chuckle. She was drained. Physically and emotionally. "Is that all you love?"

Elliot pulled her close at her words and put his forehead against hers before replying. "No. I love all of you, Liv. I love you. And I'm finally yours. You know that? I'm yours. I have been for a while. I just didn't have the courage to admit it."

"I love you too, El and I'm…." Olivia swallowed hard, her feelings getting best of her. "…I'm yours too."

Elliot smiled back and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. But then he drew away and asked her, "Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were late?"

Olivia closed her eyes momentarily before opening them once more. She looked earnestly into his blue eyes and whispered, "I was scared."

"Why?"

"I thought…I thought…well things were complicated enough you know?"

"Were you scared I wouldn't want it if you were?"

Olivia's heart skipped a beat and she started to shake her head but then she realized it was useless to be dishonest. So her head shaking became a nod and she finally confessed, "Yes, I did. I mean El, I'm not your wife…you already have five kids."

The next thing Olivia knew, Elliot was chuckling once more. He touched her nose affectionately and then declared, "Silly girl. Liv – I don't use condoms with you. I cum inside you. And you think after five kids, I wouldn't know what could potentially happen."

Olivia shrugged, smiling sheepishly now. "I was so caught up with us, El. I wasn't thinking straight you know?"

"Do you know I use or used condoms with Kathy but not with you? What do you think that means, baby?"

Olivia's mouth gaped open. "Really?"

"Yes, really. I have never lied to you, Liv even about the hard stuff and I don't intend to start now or ever. Yes I do run, but I do not lie."

"So are you going to run now?" Olivia asked a touch of worry in her expression.

"Are you? You just did, you know?" Elliot reminded her gently.

"I know. I'm sorry. I got spooked."

"I know. It's okay – I was spooked too for a long time."

"And now?"

"I'm terrified." Elliot told her honestly.

"Me, too." Olivia admitted softly.

They fell silent then and realization hit. They were terrified because this was real. They were terrified because they loved each other so much.

And the next moment, to quell the terror and to show their love one more time, they turned to each other and began to make love again.

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**KATHY**

Saturday morning, 8:34 am

There was a knock on his office door. When Captain Don Cragen looked up, he saw Kathy Stabler standing there through the glass windows. The moment he saw her, he got nervous. From the expression on Kathy's face, he somehow already knew he wasn't going to like what she was about to say. But of course, there was no reason he could give to turn her away. So reluctantly, he called out, "Come in."

Kathy opened the door and entered. Once she had closed the door behind her, she greeted Captain Cragen. "Good morning, sir. I'm sorry to disturb you so early on a Saturday morning."

"It's okay Kathy, how can I help you? If you're looking for Elliot I'm sorry to say but he's not here." Cragen told her honestly.

"I'm not here for Elliot. Actually I'm here because I need to talk to you."

Cragen motioned for her to sit down and Kathy did. Once she was settled in, Cragen asked, "So Kathy, what's on your mind?"

Kathy remained quiet for a minute. Cragen waited patiently. He could almost see her thinking, coming to a decision. He knew the moment she decided to go on. He saw it. He saw her take a deep breath and then take the plunge. "Captain Cragen, at the risk of butting into official police business, I need to talk to you about Elliot and Olivia."

At her words, Cragen's heart sank. And before he even heard what she had to say, he already knew it couldn't be good. But once more he had no reason not to listen. And so he simply said, "Sure, Kathy. What is it?"

At his invitation, she took another deep breath and then proceeded to tell him about Elliot and Olivia. By the time she was done, Captain Cragen wished with all of his might that he could turn back the clock and made some excuse not to see her. But he couldn't now. Like it or not, if what Kathy said was true, it was the end of an era. It was the end of the Benson Stabler partnership.

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_**Oh no! Kathy snitched. What happens to Olivia and Elliot at work? Later on, Kathy realizes she wasn't quite ready to let Elliot go, but instead of talking to Elliot, it's Olivia whom she seeks out. **_

_**Like He Loves me is drawing to a close, but not with one last drama on the horizon. **_

_**I hope you guys liked this chapter. And reviews really make my day and they inspire me to write and update faster. It only takes a minute of your time so please do review here and on Twitter. Jo_Bautista**_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. **_

_**Just as a reminder, this story is set sometime after Wildlife in Season 10. **_

_**When a secret comes out, everyone around you can get hit by it. And sometimes, even in anger real love pushes through but then just because there is love doesn't mean it's right….**_

_**Enjoy and please review! **_

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**DON CRAGEN**

Sunday, 9:01 am

Kathy finally left, Captain Cragen could not concentrate on anything. He kept thinking about what Kathy had just revealed.

Though it was not official department policy that partners can't be romantically involved, it was general knowledge that it was gravely frowned upon. This was because they didn't want two people who were partners to choose each other over the job.

He looked at his watch and saw that it was just past 9 am. Olivia and Elliot were off today which meant that he'd only see them tomorrow. He supposed he could wait until then, but if he was honest with himself, he knew he couldn't wait that long. And he knew too, that if he found what Kathy had said to be true, then that conversation could get heated and it shouldn't happen in the office.

Elliot and Olivia were his two best detectives and they worked together like no ever two detectives ever did. They were so close and in sync with each other and had a way of communicating the defied the usual closeness of partnership.

He also knew that he thought of them as more than friends, more than colleagues, more than being his two best detectives in SVU. In the 15 years that he's worked with Elliot and the 10 years with Olivia, he had come to think of them as the son and daughter he never had. He knew he would go to great lengths to protect them. And though he didn't know what he was going to do right now, if it indeed it was true what Kathy told him, he knew he had to at least talk to them.

He had always seen the spark between them. They had a chemistry that was so obvious. Sometimes he would catch them looking at each other and it was apparent that they loved each other. A lot. But of course he also knew that Elliot being Catholic and married wouldn't want to get involved in an extramarital affair. Olivia would also not want to be a mistress. Or so he thought. God, if Elliot hadn't been married he himself would have made sure that they got together, but that wasn't the case.

Captain Cragen sighed. Then he made a decision. He stood up and put on his coat. He needed to talk to them now. He texted Elliot and Olivia then and told them to meet him at Olivia's. He needed to see them now.

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**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

Sunday, 8:25 am

Olivia was on top of Elliot, her dripping pussy going up and down as she rode his tongue. Elliot held her ass as he ravenously ate at her. "Fuck, El." Olivia whimpered, her face contorted in pleasure.

The sounds she was making combined with the wetness and taste of her juices only made Elliot more eager and he pulled her down even more on his tongue, making it enter her wet and slick folds.

Olivia grabbed his shortcropped hair then, making sounds she couldn't identify even more loudly. She could feel her pussy clench and she knew she was near. "El, so close, baby. Suck my clit, make me cum".

Elliot heard her and immediately obeyed her command. He pulled her down even more, found her clit, swollen and wet, sucking it hard.

Olivia let out a sound that sounded pained and pleasured at the same time. She rotated her hips as he sucked producing even deeper sensations – God damn! It all felt so good. "Baby! Oh my God! Elliot, I…I'm fuck, I'm cumming, babe! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Olivia's cries were loud. She could only hope her neighbor was already gone for the day.

Elliot didn't let up on the sucking and Olivia continued her circular grinding motions for long moments until finally it got too much and she could not go on. She lifted herself up, causing Elliot to groan as he was forced to let go of her clit. Olivia keened on top of him and then collapsed next to him, thoroughly sated.

It was only after her breathing had started to slow down that she finally looked at Elliot. His lips were swollen and wet from her and she gave a little giggle. "Wow, babe, I think you better clean yourself off. I'm all over your face."

He reached for his discarded wifebeater and wiped himself off, grinning. Once he was done, he made suddenly moved and all at once, Olivia was under him. A moment later, he was inside her and pummeling her to another oblivion, as he pinned her arms over her head.

He looked into her eyes and saw the love. He knew that she saw the same thing in his. He removed his hands on her wrists and instead he reached for her hands and intertwined his with hers. He lowered himself even more so now his chest brushed against her full breasts. Their hardened nipples touching and rubbing against each other made them moan leading Elliot to start pumping faster.

"Baby," he whispered to her, "I love you. I want to have babies with you, Liv. So much."

Olivia gasped and replied, "Are you sure, El? Because…ah, oh my God!"

She couldn't even finish her thought as Elliot gave a particularly hard and sweet thrust that hit her G-spot. "You like that, babe? You like my cock inside you?"

Olivia nodded, almost frantically and replied in a voice with barely restrained lust, "God El, I love it. Love it so much inside me. I want us to make a baby too. Fuck…oh dear God!"

Her pussy clenched again, and it clenched hard. Elliot felt it and let out a howl. "Oh, oh, oh Liv! Baby you do that so good and so well. Baby…"

Suddenly Elliot couldn't speak anymore as he felt his cock suddenly start to spurt and spill his seed inside her. Elliot kept thrusting as he came, the friction of his in and out motions together with her pussy clamping and pulsating - squeezing his cock was amazing.

He was so focused on the sensations he was feeling for that minute that it was only a minute later that he realized that Olivia was crying out too. She too had reached her peak and her orgasm was crashing throughout her body. Suddenly Elliot felt her raise her hands, unclasping them from his and latch on to his ass her nails digging into them as she pushed him to be closer, nearer, deeper within her.

Their lovemaking was truly an otherworldly experience. And now that it was no longer an affair, it felt even better. And it was like they couldn't get enough of each other.

Last night they had made love well into the dawn hours and now it was barely 9 am and they were making love again. And they knew after a few minutes rest from this round, they would be at it again. They were off today and both of them fully intended to just stay in bed the entire day.

Unfortunately, that plan was just rudely interrupted as both their phones suddenly started beeping with a message. They both groaned, this time out of annoyance instead of pleasure and reluctantly reached for their individual phones. Their faces suddenly paled as they read the messages they received. Captain Cragen was on his way to Olivia's and they both reeked of sex.

"Shit! What are we going to do?" Olivia said, panicked, sitting up. Though she had already embraced her relationship with Eliot and accepted the consequences of it with Kathy and his kids, neither of them were ready to face the consequences of having a relationship with each other at work.

Elliot had sat up as well and he was half way to getting out of bed when he realized the full implication of the message he just received. He paled even more as he croaked out, "Liv, he knows I'm here. At least I think so."

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, confused but panicky.

"Read the message he sent me." Elliot told her. He handed her his BlackBerry and Olivia read the message. It said: Elliot, need to talk to you. See you at Olivia's in 30 minutes."

"Okay…so? He said he'll see you here in 30 minutes."

"Liv, I haven't told him about me and Kathy. We're off today. I lived in Queens remember? He doesn't know where I am. I could be in Long Island or Jersey for all he knows. How does he expect me to go all the way up here in 30 minutes if he didn't think I was nearby or already here?"

Realization dawned on Olivia's face then and she paled again. "Quick, Elliot, jump in the shower, get dressed and take a stroll."

"Liv, I have a bad feeling that he knows."

"Okay so what do we do?" Olivia asked him. Truth be told, she was sick of sneaking around and if only it didn't mean putting their partnership on the line she'd tell Elliot exactly that but she wasn't ready to give up their partnership so she just waited for what he would say.

To her surprise he replied, "Honestly Liv, I think we should tell him. I mean, rather than we lie to him and he finds out another way. That won't be pretty."

A small smile started to work its way onto Olivia's lips and she remarked, "Really?"

Elliot saw the smile in her face and he began to smile as well. "Really. After all, after I get you pregnant, we'd have to tell him anyway. And trust me I intend to do that very soon."

Right then, Olivia forgot about Cragen and she crawled onto Elliot's lap, kissing him hotly for the nth time that day. Elliot responded in kind but as Olivia felt herself get wet again and Elliot begin to harden, she suddenly stopped, remembering that Cragen was on his way.

"Shit baby. We have to continue this later." Olivia said regretfully, reluctantly unraveling herself form Elliot.

"I know. So what do you think, Liv?"

Olivia smiled a big smile at him – she was so happy that he didn't want to keep them a secret and even more so because he wanted to have a baby with her. But the smile quickly faded and she looked almost forlorn as she recalled the other side of the coin. "As much as I want to do that El and I know it's the right thing to do, what if he splits us up? I'm not sure I can work with anyone else."

"I know baby. There is a chance. You and I both know that. But hey, it's up to you. I'll let you decide, Liv. Whatever you want, I'll go along with it. But just so you know, I'm not scared or afraid to tell him about us." Elliot declared, his voice sincere and full of conviction.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"It's just that…well we started out as an affair…and you're not divorced yet…don't get me wrong. I love you and I want to shout to the world that I'm so in love with you, but if I am honest, I'm not proud of our beginning." Her voice had dropped at the end and she bowed her head, unable to look him in the eye.

For a minute, Elliot was upset by her words, but then he realized she was telling the truth. He sighed and tenderly, he put a finger under her chin, lifting her face up to meet her gaze. He gave her a small smile as he told her, "I know Liv. But we're making it right, agree?"

Olivia nodded, her gaze never waivering from his.

"So we're on the same page?"

"Yes."

"And what do we do? It's really your call Liv." Elliot said. "I don't want to decide for us. I want to do whatever you're ready to do."

Olivia paused for a minute and then finally gave her verdict. "I think we should tell him. But only him. Not because I don't want to tell anyone else – though Fin already knows so maybe we should also tell Munch…but because you are still getting divorced babe and this may not bode well for you if it becomes public knowledge."

It was Elliot's turn to look surprised. "Wait, Fin knows?"

Olivia blushed guiltily and admitted it. "Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Actually I just forgot about it. Remember that day you told me you thought he knew?"

"Yeah."

"Well he did. He saw us kissing on my stoop as he passed by the street coming from Ken's."

"Shit. Does anyone else know? Like I said, I'm ready to tell the world but I just don't want it to be him that tells or told Cragen."

"He promised me he wouldn't El. And I trust him. And he's back to his usual self with you right?"

"Yeah."

"So he's keeping his promise."

"Which is?"

"To keep quiet about us and not to treat you any differently."

Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. "Anyone else know?"

"Casey. Casey knows. I went to her place in Vegas when I thought I was pregnant. That was where I went El. She's been great! "

"You told her that night you went out with her, huh?"

"Yeah." Olivia admitted. "Are you mad?"

"No, Liv. How can I be? I mean seriously I know this wasn't a bed of roses for you."

"You got that right!"

"Anyway, I haven't told you but Kathleen saw you and me kissing too. In fact it was her who gave me the courage to tell Kathy."

Olivia gasped. "What? Does she hate me?"

"She's disappointed but I don't think she's really mad. Her and Maureen mostly understand. But I can't lie. Lizzie and Dickie hate me. And they are mad at you."

Olivia sighed and she put her head against Elliot's forehead. "I can't say I blame them."

"Don't worry Liv, they'll calm down. When they see how happy you make me, they'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Olivia still looked worried.

"I'm sure babe. They're my family. They'll come around. I promise."

Not having had any close family growing up except for an alcoholic mother, this was all foreign to Olivia. So she didn't have anything to compare to. So she couldn't do much except believe Elliot and hope he was right. "Okay, El." She smiled in agreement.

"Good." Elliot remarked. "Anyway, if you're decided that we are telling Cap, then I am not going to leave and pretend to be have been just in the neighborhood. We are going to wait for him here and we are not going to pretend I just arrived. Okay?"

Olivia gave a rueful laugh and replied, "Alright. But babe, we gotta shower…we smell of sex…"

At her words, Elliot grabbed her again, and she once more on his lap. He pulled her tight against him rubbing his semi hard cock against her pussy. Olivia groaned and then with all the willpower she possessed, pushed him away. "El, he's going to be here in…" She glanced at the clock before continuing. "In less than 20 minutes…we can do this again after he leaves?"

"Damn it." Elliot spat out, but there was a smile on his face.

Olivia gave a little giggle and then she playfully pushed him towards the shower. "Go!"

"Aren't you joining me?" Elliot gave a her a pleading look.

Laughing again, Olivia pushed him all the way to the shower as she replied, "No. We won't get out of there till God knows what time if I join you. Now hurry up and shower because I need to do that too."

"Fine." Elliot laughed and finally jumped into the shower.

Five minutes later, he emerged and Olivia took her turn. She made it quick and she was just putting a shirt on when suddenly her buzzer sounded. She looked nervously at Elliot and he reached for her hand and squeezed it. "It'll be okay, babe."

Olivia smiled once more as she pushed the buzzer button, letting Captain Cragen in.

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**ELLIOT, OLIVIA AND CAPTAIN CRAGEN**

Sunday, 9:45 am

Donald Cragen didn't mince words when he got there. He knew he didn't need to. One look at them was all he needed to know that Kathy had been telling the truth. Not to mention the fact that the two of them look freshly showered and he doubted that Elliot could have managed that if he had come all the way from Queens or even anywhere else.

"So, is it true?" He asked, looking seriously at the two of them.

They were seated at Olivia's dining table, Elliot and Olivia on one side, the Captain on the other. Olivia and Elliot felt like they were in the principal's office right about then, about to be reprimanded soundly.

Elliot opened his mouth to reply but then he was cut off by Cragen. "Save it." Cragen told him, raising his hand. "I know it's true."

For a while he just looked at them and both Olivia and Elliot squirmed in discomfort. It was not a comfortable situation to be in. After all, in a way, Cragen had come to be a surrogate father to them both. And as they discussed earlier, while this was real for them, they were not proud of their beginnings. Underneath the table, Elliot reached for Olivia's hand and intertwined it with his.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia spoke up. "So what now, Captain?"

"At least you're not denying it. I have to give you credit for that."

"There's nothing to deny, Don." Elliot told him, his tone calm and open.

"Are you…angry?" Olivia asked her commanding officer, eyeing him warily.

Cragen paused for a minute and then replied carefully, "No…I'm not angry but, I have to tell you two, I'm disappointed, very disappointed."

They knew he was telling them the truth. They could hear it in his voice. Once more, they really didn't know what to say.

But then, they needn't have worried about speaking up because Cragen wasn't finished. "You know guys, ever since the day I put you two together, I saw something in the two of you. Call it what you will – a spark, a connection – but there was something and I knew someday it may come to this. But I never thought that it would happen this way."

"Captain, look we're not denying anything here. Liv and I – well we love each other and yes we had an affair and yes we're still together and we know that this may affect our partnership but can we just ask, how did you find out?" Elliot asked him.

Elliot's question made Cragen close his eyes in consternation. He really didn't want to have to tell them the who but then again, it was only fair to tell them who led him to this.

He sighed and then took the plunge. "Kathy. She came to the precinct earlier and told me everything. At least everything from her side."

Elliot's face turned red with sudden anger and he abruptly stood up. Elliot felt like punching a wall but he could feel Captain Cragen and Olivia staring at him. He reined himself in and sat back down. "God damn it. She wouldn't even let me be the one to tell you." His voice was tight with suppressed anger.

"El." Olivia spoke up and unconsciously, forgetting that Cragen was with them, she put a hand to his cheek and looked at him straight in the eye. "It's okay. Don't worry about it."

"But Liv, she had no right…I mean this is my job – it'd be one thing if it was our family – but she has no right over my job…" Elliot was almost choking from anger.

"She's angry and hurt…we hurt her – you hurt her."

"I know but…"

"El, I think in this case, we…you…really have to be more understanding."

"She's already poisoned my kids against me!"

Olivia sighed, knowing that she needed to let him be. So she did. She didn't say anything. Instead, she just met his gaze and let him ride out the emotion. As their eyes remained on each other, Captain Cragen began to get uncomfortable. But he was also in awe of them.

It was amazing what he saw between them – there was so much love. How could he have missed that for so long? But when he thought about it, he didn't. Not really. He saw it all but didn't just want to think about it too much because of what it could mean for their partnership.

"El…" Olivia began to talk but Captain Cragen cleared his throat then. Olivia and Elliot almost looked startled at the sound. It was like they just remembered someone else was in the room.

"I'm sorry, Cap. It's just…this is hard…" Elliot admitted to his superior.

Captain Cragen nodded but then a firm look came upon his face. Determinedly he spoke up again. "And it may be about to get harder. Guys, I may have to split you up."

"May?" Elliot jumped at Captain Cragen's choice of words.

"You're not sure?" Olivia echoed.

Once more, Captain Cragen sighed loudly before answering. "You're the best team I have. I don't want to split you up but…given the change of your relationship status…I may not have a choice."

"May not?" Elliot said again, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

Captain Cragen paused before continuing. "On my way here, I pretty much was decided to split you up. But seeing the two of you – I can tell how much you love each other."

"And?" Olivia prodded. She couldn't take much more of this.

"I'll give you guys two weeks. Prove to me this change in your personal lives will not affect how you do your job and I'll see what I can do. Until then, we have to keep it under wraps."

Elliot began to smile but then Olivia blurted out, "Cap – Fin knows too."

"He does?"

"Yeah. I made him promise to keep quiet." Olivia confessed.

Captain Cragen nodded. "I don't think we need to worry about him spilling the beans about the two of you."

"We both trust him, Sir." Elliot assured him.

"Alright. Again, two weeks guys. If and when I see that your new relationship does not interfere with you doing your jobs, then let's see what I can do."

"Thanks, Cap." Olivia returned.

"No need to worry, you know that Olivia and I have always been and will always be professional."

"Well…it's different now…so we shall see." Cragen advised them.

"We'll take that." Olivia spoke up, a hopeful smile on her face. "Thanks again, Cap. And we're really sorry if this caught you off guard. It did us too."

"It's okay. But can I just say – this shouldn't have taken you two off guard." He told them.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, looking puzzled.

"Please, I may be old and jaded but I am not blind. Anyone with half an eye could see you guys were crazy about each other from the get go. I'm only sorry that Kathy got hurt in the process but heck we all knew."

"We were just trying to do the right thing." Elliot said.

"I know, Elliot." Cragen replied. "Anyway, I've got to go. Two weeks and then we'll reconvene. Okay?"

"Okay, Cap. Thanks." Olivia answered.

"Yeah, thanks." Elliot seconded.

With that Captain Cragen stood up and when he left, Olivia and Elliot sighed with relief. For now, they were still partners.

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**OLIVIA **

Wednesday, 5:58 pm

Three days later, Olivia was home by herself. Elliot had been in a foul mood since he saw Kathy the day after their confrontation with Cragen. Elliot had stormed into their former conjugal house in Queens and demanded an explanation for ratting him out to Cragen. What happened next was unclear to Olivia – he had been so angry as he told the story. But the result was that Elliot didn't want to wait for Kathy to be the one to file for divorce. He was now at a lawyer's office spilling everything and getting advice about what to do.

Olivia looked around her apartment and saw Elliot's things lying around. Without even really discussing it, Elliot had moved in. A part of her wanted to tell him that maybe he should find his own place until the divorce went through for the sake of propriety but a bigger part wanted him there. And so he was.

She smiled to herself as she walked from room to room. Everywhere there were little pieces of him already. His shoes next to hers. The dirty clothes in the laundry basket along with hers. Two coffee mugs - unwashed at the moment. Two toothbrushes. His and hers razors. And more. She's always had a picture of her and Elliot in her living room – it was taken during a Policeman's ball about three years ago. And almost like two giddy teenagers going to their prom, they had taken a shot where they stood side by side. The camera had gone off too early the first time, and it had caught the two of them looking at each other, faces inches apart, grinning from ear to ear. And that was the shot that was displayed in her living room. She remembered how she used to stare at that picture and hope. But then she would put it down and tell herself to wake up. That it would never happen. But now it was happening and she just hoped nothing would be burst her bubble.

Part of her was telling her to slow down but at this moment she didn't care. She was happy and so in love for the first time in her life that right this second she could honestly say, consequences be damned.

It was past 6 pm. Elliot had gone to see the lawyer at 4:00 pm. Cragen had sent them home because they were about to start a stakeout tomorrow and they needed their rest. Once they started that, Elliot would have been unable to go to his lawyer so he took advantage of the off hours.

Olivia was waiting for his text or call so that she could order dinner when suddenly, her apartment buzzer sounded. A puzzled look came upon her face. Who was this?

A little annoyed that she was disturbed from her quiet time, Olivia got up and answered the buzz. "Yes?"

"Olivia?" A female voice came through – one that sounded really familiar.

"Yes? Who is it?" She returned.

"It's Kathy. Kathy Stabler."

Olivia gave a small gasp then pressed the buzzer again replying, "Elliot's not here Kathy."

"It's you I want to see Olivia not him. Please can we talk?"

"I don't think that's a good idea Kathy. I don't want any trouble." Olivia told her honestly.

"Please, Olivia. 5 minutes." Kathy begged.

Olivia heard the tears in the other woman's voice and sighed. She pressed the intercom button again and replied, "Okay let me go down."

"Thank you."

Olivia's heart started to pound as she threw on a hoodie, grabbed her BlackBerry and went down to meet her Elliot's soon to be ex-wife.

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**OLIVIA AND KATHY**

Wednesday, 6:09 pm

Olivia's heart went out to Kathy the moment he saw her. The other woman had aged since she last saw her. She knew she couldn't be having an easy time especially with Eli being so young.

At first the two women didn't talk. Instead by an unspoken agreement they simply started walking. They had walked about ten minutes when they saw a bench and with Olivia leading the way, they proceeded to sit there. There were a few more moments of silence before Olivia finally spoke up.

"Kathy…I know how this is going to sound, but I really am sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. Especially not this way." She said her apology simply without embellishments.

Kathy was quiet and Olivia could see tears welling up her eyes. She was still and silent, as if incapable of speaking. Then at last, she looked at Olivia and replied, "I love him, Olivia."

Olivia sighed. "I know you do."

"I have a family with him. We've been together since high school." Kathy continued, her voice hoarse with unshed tears.

"I know." Olivia said again. What could she say after all? It was all true.

"Olivia, please…I need you to let him go. I need him, our family needs him. We have a baby that's just barely passed one year of age. You know that. You even helped me with him. Please. I hate begging but if you're not the one to leave him, he won't ever let you go."

Olivia paled and she swallowed hard, trying hard to control her emotions. She looked at Kathy who also determinedly met her gaze. "Kathy…that's not my decision."

"Yes. Yes, it is! We need him. I need him. His kids need him. You don't need him." Kathy's anguish was written all over her face and once more Olivia's heart went to her.

"Kathy, I don't think….I… this is not my place. I can't make that decision for El." Olivia told her, her heart pounding and thoughts getting confused.

"Do you love him? Do you really love him?" Kathy asked her, her eyes wide with sadness.

Olivia took a deep breath and a tender smile suddenly appeared on her face as pictured Elliot in her mind. "Yes, I do Kathy. I really do. And again, I'm sorry. Please know that I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did! You stole him from me Olivia! He's married to me! And you still went for him." Kathy exclaimed. "How could you do that? How could you wreck our family?"

A stricken look came over Olivia's face as she listened to Kathy's accusations. It was all she could do not to break down. She struggled to control her emotions. She couldn't get emotional like Kathy. Otherwise, this was going to end very badly. Finally she was able to rein herself in and she answered, "Kathy, why are you talking to me and not Elliot?"

"Because he's being unreasonable."

"How so? By being with me?"

"Yes! He's obviously not thinking straight if he chose you over his family."

"He's not choosing me over his family." Olivia tried to reassure Kathy.

"Yes, he is." Kathy insisted, a tear finally falling down.

"Kathy, I don't know what to say…really…but I think you and I both know that Elliot loves his children very much. All of them."

"If he loves them, why did he leave them?" Kathy asked Olivia in a bitter voice, her eyes glittering not only with tears but with anger.

"It wasn't them whom he left…" Olivia answered honestly.

"It wasn't them that he left?" Kathy suddenly gasped. "You're such a bitch. You're saying that it was me that he left."

"Kathy…" Olivia began once more.

"Why did you have to be so nice and beautiful? Shit. I think back to all the things you've ever done for us. And it makes it so hard to hate you. But right now, I do. You took Elliot from me." Kathy said loudly.

A few passersby glanced their way. But they ignored them and Olivia replied, "I didn't, Kathy. I know it looks that way. But I didn't."

Kathy didn't answer. Instead she just sat there next to Olivia, silently crying now. Olivia let her cry, also remaining quiet. She couldn't even fathom being in Kathy's position. But at the same time, she couldn't deny that she and Elliot were very much in love with each other. It wasn't a great place to be but there it was.

When Kathy's tears subsided, she turned back to Olivia, facing her fully. And once more, Kathy asked…begged her, "Olivia, please let my husband go. Please! You don't need him. We do. You're beautiful, independent and you have lots of guys drooling over you. Please just let Elliot go. Our children need him."

"Yes, they do, Kathy and you have all the power to make sure that he stays in their life. That's all up to you."

"You're not going to let him go are you?" Kathy whispered. "God damn it Olivia, how can you be so selfish?"

"Maybe you're right I'm being selfish and he's being selfish, but Kathy, why would you want to be someone who doesn't want you anymore?" Olivia asked.

Kathy's mouth dropped open at her words and the next thing Olivia knew, Kathy had slapped her. The moment she did, Kathy said, "I'm sorry! I…I'm just so hurt right now."

Olivia rubbed her cheek that Kathy that just had slapped and yet again controlled her emotions. "I know, Kathy. But I really don't understand. Why do you keep going back to him? Don't you think it would be better for both of you to let go and have a chance at happiness?"

"I love him! And he's all I've ever known Olivia! How the hell am I supposed to go on without him!"

"You just do, Kathy. You just do." Olivia answered simply and sincerely.

"Easy for you to say because you're not the 40 something woman saddled with 5 kids and who's suddenly a single mother."

"I know I can't even begin to fathom what you are going through. But if you allow it, Elliot will always be there to help you out with the kids. He's their father. He will always love them and be there for them no matter what."

"What about me?" Kathy asked.

"What about you? You're blonde, you're gorgeous and I know you're a good woman otherwise Elliot wouldn't have tried so hard all these years. You're going to be fine."

"Don't patronize me!" Kathy spat out, bitter and angry again.

"I'm not doing that Kathy. Look, put it this way, I was a product of rape, I never knew my father, my mother is an alcoholic who half hated me and loved me and I have a half brother who is god knows where – and after all that – I'm okay. So maybe it's not the same case but it just goes to show we can overcome a lot if we want to. Don't you want to find the right man for you? Instead of fighting all the time with the wrong one?"

"Elliot is the right man!" Kathy insisted.

"Being used to someone is not the same as having the right one. Like you said, you've been together since high school and maybe the reason you think he's the right one is not because you actually do but because he's all you've ever known."

"You're really not going to let him go?" Kathy asked again. She didn't seem to have heard anything else Olivia said.

"It's not up to me, Kathy."

"Yes, it is!" Kathy insisted again. "Please Olivia, for our kids."

"Kathy, we're going around in circles. He is not giving up his kids. He will never do that. Not for me , not for anyone."

"Then if he isn't then have him come home..." Kathy said in an ominous voice.

Olivia heard that warning in her tone and she suddenly stiffened. "I should have him come home to you or else what Kathy? Come on, spit it out."

"Or else he'll never see any of them again. " It was a threat. And Olivia knew it. And Kathy knew that she knew it.

"Kathy, I'm not going to argue with you anymore." Olivia replied, breathing deeply in an effort not to take the bait and lash back at the other woman.

"Don't think I don't mean it, Olivia." Kathy's tone was like ice right then.

"If you mean that Kathy, then I think you should look at who's being selfish right now." This time there was a bite in Olivia's tone and she knew then it was time to go.

"Damn you." Kathy remarked, her eyes blazing.

"I'm sorry for everything Kathy. But this is the last time I will talk to you like this. I shouldn't even have talked to you now. But I really wanted to apologize. So I'm sorry. But I can't make him go back to you. That's not my call."

"Please Olivia." Suddenly the ice melted and Kathy was pleading her case once more.

Olivia stood up, shaking her head and started to walk away. But then she stopped and turned back one last time. "Kathy you have all the power in this world to make this right or to make this into a war. It's all up to you. Elliot loves your kids. He will always be there for them. Nothing will ever change that. Him loving me will never change that. And just so you know, he told me that a part of him will always love you."

"He said that?" Kathy asked disbelievingly.

"Yes..you were his first love and the mother of his children - of course a part of his heart will always be with you." Olivia acknowledged, amazed that Kathy didn't know that.

"And you're okay with that?" There was a lot of doubt in that short sentence.

"I am." Olivia confirmed with conviction. "Because that's part of him and because I trust him."

"And you? What are you? The love of his life?"

Olivia couldn't help but smile at Kathy's words but then she sobered. "I'd like to think I'm his last love, but then again, that's a question for him and not me. Talk to him, Kathy. Like you said the children need their father. And I'd like for him to be there for them too. Think about it, Kathy." And with those last words, Olivia walked away.

As Olivia left, Kathy remained on that bench, feeling numb while a million contradicting emotions and thoughts ran through her entire being.

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**TBC… **

_**What happens next? Some more personal time between Elliot and Olivia and a heart to heart talk/confrontation between Kathy and Elliot. Do they resolve it or make it worse? Also, Mikes comes calling to ask Olivia out yet again and Olivia has to finally confess to him about Elliot. How will he take it? **_

_**Find out next! **_

_**In the meantime, it only take but a mere minute, please review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. If they were…well if they were things would be really different. Warren Leight would have never taken over to begin with…**_

_**Oh Kathy, Kathy, Kathy….**_

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**ELLIOT AND KATHY**

Friday, 8:03 pm

It was nearly the end of another very busy and tragic day at the 16th precinct. Elliot and Olivia were looking forward to just spending a quiet evening at home together. They both kept glancing at the clock as the day winded down.

When the clock showed the time to be nearly 8:00 pm, Olivia went up to Elliot and quietly told him, "Hey, I'm just going to the lockers okay? I'm going to freshen up then we can get out of here."

"You want me to join you?" Elliot grinned wickedly, the meaning behind his words, clear.

"No." Olivia chuckled. "Behave yourself, remember our partnership depends on it."

Elliot sobered then and replied, "I know you're right. Too bad, it could have been fun."

Olivia rolled her eyes then turned around to go to the locker room. But then she stopped dead in her tracks and gasped. Standing right there was Kathy and she did not look happy. Olivia's heart started to pound. Though it wasn't early by any means, as this was Special Victims, there were still many people there including Fin and John.

Elliot heard Olivia's startled exclamation and glanced at her direction. All at once his expression darkened and his eyes narrowed as his eyes fell on his estranged wife.

Looking straight at Olivia and deliberately ignoring her soon to be ex-husband, Kathy spoke up. "Guess you weren't expecting me to have the guts to show up here huh, Olivia?"

Olivia and Elliot were so caught off guard that for a moment, neither could move nor speak. The people surrounding them seemed to catch that something was happening, and the room felt silent and all eyes turned to them.

Kathy smirked and folded her arms across her chest while Elliot and Olivia went red. Olivia out of embarrassment and Elliot out of both embarrassment and anger. Kathy knew she had little time before Elliot shut her down so quickly she said what she came to have everyone hear, "Anyway, if you're done with your day, if you don't mind Olivia, I would like to get my husband back?"

Olivia gasped at her words. Tears stinging her eyes, and more color flood her cheeks, Olivia ran out without a word. Elliot quickly started to run after her but Kathy grabbed his arm and asked harshly, "Where are you going?"

"What the fuck, Kathy?" Elliot hissed, his eyes shooting daggers at her.

The room started to buzz but before things could escalate any further, Cragen was there. He met Elliot's gaze head on and didn't mince any words as he told him in a no-nonsense tone, "Not here."

Hearing his Captain's tone, even Elliot dare not disobey him then. He nodded briefly, shortly to his commanding officer, took Kathy by the arm and led her away. They hadn't gone ten feet when he stopped in his tracks and called out to Fin. "Fin, man, could you…?"

Fin nodded. "Go, El. I'll find her."

"Tell her to wait for me and I'm sorry. This won't take long, I promise."

"Sure, El."

"Thanks." Elliot said, looking grateful.

While Fin started dialing Olivia's number on his cell, Elliot led Kathy to the elevator. He was not going to have any sort of conversation with her in the precinct.

He didn't say a word to her on the elevator ride down. He didn't even glance at her. The initial feeling of triumph that surged in Kathy when she made Olivia run away had faded now. The anger she could feel emanating from Elliot was now kind of scaring her.

The moment they were outside, Elliot took her to a secluded corner and faced her. "Elliot…" Kathy began.

"Shut up, Kathy." Elliot told her in a terrible voice.

"I…I…I'm…" Kathy could not manage to get any words out. She was trembling and she could feel tears threatening to spill.

"What the fuck, Kathy? Wasn't it enough that you ambushed Olivia the other day? Now you had to ambush me and her as well while the entire precinct looked on?"

"I needed to get your attention." Kathy told him softly, looking at him.

"Like that, Kathy?"

"I'm sorry okay, but I needed you know…to feel…that I am going to fight for you. I am not going to give you up to her without a fight." Kathy declared, her voice strong now despite the threat of tears.

Elliot laughed without mirth and rubbed his knuckles on his jaw, a sure sign that he was annoyed. But then he seemed to take control of his anger. He took a deep trembling breath then sighed. "Kathy," he said in a softer tone, looking straight into her eyes, "please stop."

"No! I won't. You're my husband. You're the father of my children. I will not stop." Her voice was strangled now but as strong as ever. She blinked furiously trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Kathy, I'm sorry. But you're fighting for nothing. I…I can't Kath. I can't do it anymore. I know when I left that day, we left things in a horrible place but it doesn't change the way I feel."

"And how do you feel? Are you really going to tell me that you're in love with her? How can you want to be a woman who is dating someone else and at the same fucking another man who is already married. Seriously Elliot, if you were going to run around on me and dump me, I expected much better from you."

"Kathy…" Elliot's voice held a warning tone.

Kathy heard the warning and faltered. She still looked defiant but she put the brakes on saying anything negative about Olivia for now. "Elliot, please come home." She asked, her tone soft again.

"Kath…"

"We need you. Your children need you. They miss their dad."

"And I miss them Kath, but I'm sorry, I can't be married to you anymore." Elliot told her honestly.

Kathy could no longer hold her tears back and they started to pour from her eyes. She pressed her lips together tightly trying to stop but couldn't. She turned away from Elliot but did not leave. When she finally got a hold of herself, she turned to face Elliot again and asked painfully, "Why? Because of Olivia?"

"No, Kathy. I mean yes and no. Yes because she's the love of my life, Kathy. I love her I really really do. And before you can even think of asking it, no it's not just the sex. But more than Olivia, Kath, you and I…we tried…God knows we tried. Don't you think 25 years is enough? We tried to do the right thing and we did not fail. We have five beautiful children. But you and I…we don't work, not anymore. Being used to each other doesn't mean you're right for each other. Think about it, if it weren't for Eli surprising us, I'd doubt we would be here right now."

"So are you saying this is Eli's fault? Or my fault of getting knocked up by you again?"

Elliot sighed again. "Kath, I will always love you."

"If that's true, then come back, Elliot please. I forgive you. Just come back to us."

"I said I will always love you. But I am not in love with you. Not anymore. I'm sorry but that's the God's honest truth. I hope one day you'll understand even if you don't understand now. I want you to be happy. And I can't give you that happiness. You deserve someone who will love you the way you deserved to be loved. " Elliot walked up to her and then cupped her face in his hands. " And that's not me."

"But I love you." Kathy exclaimed.

"You only think you do." Elliot told her, releasing her face and taking a step back.

"I do. How can I not? You've been with me for so long. You're the only life I've ever known." Kathy cried.

"I know Kathy – but can you truly say you're happy with me? This past year – after that initial phase of getting back together again – have you really been happy with me?"

Kathy stared at him, her eyes still bright with tears. "I'm scared Elliot."

"Why?"

"I'm scared that I'll be alone for the rest of my life." Kathy admitted.

"Don't be. If 25 years with you has taught me anything, it's that you're a strong woman. And Kathy, just because I'm no longer married to you, it doesn't mean I won't be there for you anymore."

"It doesn't?" Kathy asked in a small voice.

"Of course not. I know it feels like we just wasted 25 years right now. But they weren't. Those years made us stronger. It taught us how to love and how to let go. You gave me five beautiful children and yes a couple of them are mad at me right now, but I will never ever abandon them."

"Do you promise me that, Elliot? You will always be there for them? Even if you and Olivia decide to have kids?"

"Yes, I promise."

Kathy sighed. "Elliot I'm sorry for what I did back there. I'm just so hurt and angry."

"I know. Olivia and I could have done this better. I could have done this better."

"I'm glad you acknowledge that."

"I really am sorry, Kathy. I hope one day you can forgive me."

"I hope so too, Elliot."

They fell silent and for a few moments they stayed quiet. Each felt a little better having been able to get everything off their chest. Well most of everything. Elliot had not told Kathy he had filed for divorce yet. And he knew he had to rather than her being surprised by a process server.

"Kath?"

"Yeah?"

"In the interest of being open and honest, I need you to know that I saw a lawyer…"

"And you filed for divorce, didn't you?" Kathy finished for him, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

Elliot nodded.

"When do I expect the papers?" Kathy couldn't fight anymore.

"He said within the week."

"Okay. Thank you for telling me instead of letting me be surprised."

"Of course."

"Well, I guess, that's it. I'll wait for them. I gotta go."

Elliot nodded. "Bye, Kathy."

"Bye, Elliot." She whispered back.

And with that Kathy walked away.

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**ELLIOT**

Friday, 8:46 pm

Elliot hurried back to the 16th precinct. When he got there, he saw Fin but no Olivia. He went up to Fin and asked, "Were you able to find her?"

"Yeah. But she went home. She told me to tell you that she'd just see you there."

Elliot nodded and hurriedly packed up. As he was about to leave, Fin called out stopping him. "El?"

"Yeah."

"Take care of her." Fin said, looking at him seriously.

"I will. Thanks again, Fin."

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**OLIVIA**

Friday, 9:30 pm

Olivia felt humiliated. Even though deep down, she understood why Kathy had acted the way she did, it didn't make her feel less embarrassed.

_You should really walk away until Elliot is officially divorced. _

It was that voice again.

"No, I won't. It may not be official in paper, but he walked out of that marriage a long time ago, even before I came into the picture."

_That may be true, Liv but do you really want to be in the middle of all of this?_

"I don't, but I already am. Walking away now, even if it just to let all of this blow over is not going to change that."

_Okay. But at least know that you have that option. _

"I know. But I won't."

Surprisingly, the voice fell silent. She glanced at her clock and saw that it was 9:30. She told herself that she'd give Elliot till 10:00 to come before she called him.

She was restless though and so she went into her kitchen and grabbed her bottle of vodka and poured herself a glass. Just as she sat down on her couch, her iPhone suddenly rang. She picked it up thinking it was Elliot. But it wans't, it was Mike.

In all that's been happening with Elliot, she had to admit, she had practically forgotten about Mike.

Feeling somewhat better knowing there was another guy out there who actually wanted her, she picked up his call.

"Hi Mike." Olivia greeted him, a smile in her voice.

"Hey Liv." Mike replied

He sounded really happy to hear her voice. Or at least so she thought. "What's up? It's been a while."

"I know. I'm sorry about that. Things kinda got crazy busy at work. The boss had us all go to this conference in San Francisco and I just got back into town last night."

"That's okay. Things have been crazy around here lately, too." Olivia replied. Boy he didn't know half of it.

"Thanks. Anyway, I know it's almost ten but I'm on California time still, so my body thinks it's barely 7. I'm near your neighborhood and I was hoping you'd be free to meet me for a drink or two?"

"Uh…" Olivia hedged.

Part of her wanted to go with Mike – it was just what she needed. At least for a couple of hours. It's was exactly what she needed to clear her head. And she needed to tell him about Elliot anyway.

"Olivia?"

"Uh yeah. Sure. I'd love to. But I warn you I can't stay long. Just a couple of hours tops." Olivia said.

"No problem, Liv. So shall I pass by for you?"

"No, it's okay. Just tell me where to meet you?"

"Okay, how about Dive Bar in Amsterdam and 96th?" Mike suggested.

"Sure, I know the place. See you there in about 20 minutes?"

"Great! See ya, Liv."

Olivia hung up and hurriedly freshened herself up. Just as she was about to leave, she suddenly got cold feet. She knew Elliot would not like her going out with Mike. But then again, she and Mike had been dating before things got serious with Elliot. She knew Mike liked her and she owed it to him to be honest. She didn't want to just tell him over the phone or through text. He had respected her and she had a great time with him. She owed him to tell him in person.

However, she also knew that if she just left, when Elliot came home, he'd wonder where she was. And she knew that given what she had walked out on, not finding her there without informing him, would be a very bad thing.

So she decided to text him.

**El, I'm going out with Mike for a couple of drinks. Please don't worry. It's not a date. But I just need to clear my head. Okay? I'll see you at home in a couple of hours. I love you. **

And then before she could chicken out, she sent the message.

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**ELLIOT**

Friday, 9:33 pm

Elliot had gotten into a cab outside the precinct but by the time he hit the Times Square area, he had gotten out of it. Manhattan traffic was its worst and he knew he'd get to the Upper West Side faster if he took the subway.

He was just getting into the 1 train when suddenly his phone lit up with a text message. He quickly looked at the message and blanched when he read it. She was going out with Mike? His first thought was to call her and ask why? But then he thought better of it. He trusted Olivia. He loved her. She loved him. He was not going to get angry over this. If she needed to a couple of hours to clear her head, so be it.

So he took a deep breath and replied, "Okay. I'm on my way home now. Just jumped on the 1 train. I'll see you in a couple of hours. I love you too."

He reread his message once and then sent it.

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**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

Saturday, 1:12 am

It was past 1 am when Olivia got home. As she stepped inside her apartment, she wondered if Elliot would be waiting up for her. She hoped not. Not because she didn't want to talk to him. But more because to her, if she found him asleep it meant that he trusted her with Mike.

She took off her shoes by the entrance and left them there. She walked softly towards her bedroom and quietly opened the door. A smile immediately came upon her face as she saw Elliot sleeping soundly at his side of the bed. He was even snoring softly.

Happy that he had not sweated her going out with Mike, she concluded, as she went into the bathroom to freshen up that all in all it was a good day. What Kathy did in the precinct suddenly didn't matter. All that mattered was that she had straightened things out with Mike and they were okay, they were still friends. And more importantly, Elliot had come home to her and he had trusted her enough to just let her be for the night.

After she had done her nightly before bed ritual, instead of slipping onto some pajamas, Olivia walked out of the bathroom and then crawled into bed, completely naked. She snuggled onto Elliot who was also without clothes under the covers.

As Elliot slept, Olivia's hand started to travel down is body until it reached his still flaccid cock in between his legs. Softly, Olivia started to just run her fingers on the length of his shaft. She did this softly, and at first Elliot didn't seem feel it. But Olivia knew the moment he began to feel it because he began to stir in his sleep and his cock began to twitch and harden.

The moment he stirred, Olivia removed the comforter covering them and got on top of him to straddle him. She let her already dripping wet pussy grind against his cock. His cock was getting harder under her and the harder he got, the more she ground her pussy against his cock. "Oh God…" she moaned from on top of him.

She looked down on him and found that his blue eyes on her, awake. "Oh baby, that feels fucking good." He told her. His hands went around her and cupped her ass as he tried to guide her motions.

"Fuck, baby, you're so hard."

"And you're soaking as usual, Liv. God damn. I can even hear how wet you are."

"Oh God, yeah. You make me fucking wet, El. Oh baby, I can't…I can't…I need you inside me now." And just like that she was on her knees while her hand was on his hard cock aligning it with her dripping slit. When she had it at her entrance she sat on him and impaled herself.

They both gasped when he entered her to the hilt. Olivia immediately started moving up and down, sliding his thick and long cock in and out of her wet and tight pussy. Her motions were slow, deliberate, making sure that they felt everything.

Elliot could feel her slick, hot walls and every so often as she went up and down he would feel them clench around his cock, squeezing it. "Oh shit, Liv, please please squeeze my cock babe, that feels so good. You feel so good inside."

"El, I'm not gonna last long any longer, baby…oh fuck." Suddenly Olivia's movements became frenzied. Her breasts bounced as she moved up and down. Then as if that wasn't enough she added a movement that drove Elliot absolutely crazy. Every after every up and down she would rotate her hips before going up and down again. The rotation of her hips did absolutely crazy things to him and he gripped her ass tightly.

Her pussy clenched again and Elliot let out a howl. "FUCK, LIV! Baby you squeeze that cock so well. Please do it again. Please!"

"Oh, El, fuck baby, I'm gonna cum.. ah" Olivia's expression looked almost pained as she continued to ride him hard. She rode him furiously and in a frenzied manner. It was like she couldn't get enough of Elliot. Like he couldn't be deep enough inside her. Couldn't be close enough or near enough to her.

Hearing that she was near only made Elliot more impatient and so he took one hand out of her ass and worked his way in between them. His hand had a quest and reached it's destination when he found her wet bundle of nerves. He fingered clit and then began to rub in in a sweetly tortuous rhythm. Olivia whimpered loudly and then then the next moment, her back arched and she let out a loud cry. Four letter words and strange sounds came out of her mouth as she was driven to oblivion. Elliot felt that telltale pulse of her pussy - she was cumming and cumming hard. "AAHH!" Olivia cried out. "Oh, oh oh Elliot! Oh my fucking….AHHHHHHHHHH! Shit baby, I love you!"

The clenching of her pussy around his cock plus her words telling him she loved him did it for Elliot. He thrust upward one more time and suddenly he was spilling his seed inside her, crying out loud too. "OH, Livia, I love you. Feels so good inside your pussy…fuck! Baby, yeah, milk that cock, oh my God…AHHHHH!"

Olivia continued to slide up and down his cock as his orgasm rocked her world. And when finally he was done she collapsed against him, embracing him tightly. It took a while but finally they seem to both come down from their orgasmic highs. Their breathing slowly but surely calmed down until finally it was back to normal.

Elliot shifted their positions then so that they were side by side while facing each other. He also made sure that he was still inside of her. This was one of his favorite moments with Olivia. Holding each other after they made love, while he was still inside her. It felt so perfect – like heaven. So unlike the pleasure he felt when he was actually in the act with her but yet so similar.

"Hey." He smiled at her. He reached out and touched her face, his fingers caressing her cheek up and down.

"Hey." She returned, smiling back.

"So, did you enjoy your night?"

"Yes. Thank you for just letting me be, El."

"I trust you, Liv. Of course."

"I trust you too." She replied, sincerely. "How did it go with Kathy?"

"Well we finally really talked. And I don't think at least for now, she'll be any more trouble. I am sorry for what she said back in the precinct."

"I understand. I mean it may not have been the right thing to do, but I understand."

"I know. It's why I love you. You don't expect things to be perfect."

"We're human, El. We all make mistakes."

"I know."

"I told Mike about you."

"And?"

"He wished me luck." Olivia chuckled then, her brown eyes twinkling.

"That's good. Right?" Elliot replied.

"Well he said, I'm gonna need it because from what he heard about you, you're one stubborn son of a bitch."

"He said that?" Elliot looked indignant.

"Yeah, he did." Olivia admitted. "But I also told him I happen to love that stubborn son of a bitch."

Elliot grinned at her answer and gave her a loud smack on the lips. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you too, El."

They fell silent then and a few moments later, they were fast asleep.

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_**TBC….**_

_**This story is wrapping up. **_

_**One last attempt from Kathy. The aftermath / consequences of Kathy storming into the 1-6. Cragen and the IAB aka Tucker. And we run unexpectedly to someone from Liv's not too distant past. **_

_**A couple more chapters perhaps…**_

_**In the meantime, please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. **_

_**So, this story was supposed to be wrapping up but I realized that when I first started this story I wanted it to be realistic and not fairy tale like and I noticed I was falling into that trap. Affairs do not just work themselves out, there are consequences for every action that is made. And so, I'm afraid, this story is not wrapping up yet. **_

_**In this chapter, Olivia and Elliot truly realize the consequences of their affair for the first time. **_

_**Please do read and review! And I hope you enjoy and understand this update! **_

_**By the way, if there are any errors I apologize in advance. I don't have a beta so this is all me. Again, thank you for reading and please do review!**_

. . .

**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

A month and a half later, Friday morning 9:00 am

Olivia and Elliot finally made it to the precinct. It was Friday and they were off the next day. They only had to get through the day and they'd have a day all to themselves. Well at least hopefully. They were of course on call.

They had only been in the precinct for about 15 minutes, both catching up on paperwork, when suddenly, Captain Cragen called them to his office. "Elliot, Olivia, get in here please." Cragen called from his door.

The expression on Cragen's face was ominous and Olivia and Elliot glanced at each other nervously as they both stood up.

The moment they walked into Cragen's office, they knew this was not going to be good. Inside in the Captain's office, stood Ed Tucker, the resident IAB asshole that did nothing but plague the Manhattan SVU squad. He seemed to take a special hatred for both Olivia and Elliot.

"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked in a dark tone, the moment he saw Tucker.

"Elliot!" Cragen barked, his tone a warning.

If Tucker was intimidated, he didn't show it. Instead, he completely ignored Cragen and turned to Elliot and Olivia with a satisfied smirk on his face. "I'm here, Detective to do what I should have done a long time ago."

"And what's that?"

This time it was Olivia who spoke up, her stance, also a fighting one.

"Captain, what is this about?" Elliot addressed their commanding officer, ignoring Tucker now.

Cragen sighed and replied regretfully, "I'm sorry, guys."

"I'm not." Tucker put in, his smirk even bigger now.

"Wait…Cap, what is this prick saying?" Elliot's voice was raised now, his expression stormy.

"What he's saying is…" Tucker began, the pure pleasure at the news he was about to deliver very evident in his tone.

"Do you mind, Ed? They're my detectives. I'd like to tell them myself?"

A frown appeared on Tucker's face but the look on Cragen's face made him back down. A sour expression on his face, he raised his hand in a gesture of permission.

"Elliot, Olivia – I'm sorry. This isn't up to me. But someone told the brass about your involvement with each other. Starting today, Elliot you're with Fin and Olivia you're with Munch."

"What?" Olivia exclaimed angrily. "Captain, you can't let them do this. Elliot and I do our best work with each other. They can't split us up!"

Elliot also spoke up just as angrily now, "Captain, we've proven to you that we can be involved with each other and still work as partners effectively, this is not fair!"

Once more, Cragen sighed. "Look, I'm sorry; it's out of my hands. Someone snitched to the brass."

"Who?" Olivia asked in a venomous tone.

"That's confidential, Detective Benson." Tucker put in almost gleefully.

"You're such an asshole, Tucker." Olivia told him, looking like she was about to hit him.

"Call me whatever you like, Detective. But as of today, you and Stabler are no longer partners."

A vein was throbbing on Elliot's neck as he made a mighty effort not to hit Tucker. It took all of his willpower but he managed it. He turned to Cragen again and asked, "What if we refuse?"

"If you refuse, Detective Stabler, then I'm going to need your badges. And I don't think you want that. From what I hear you're going through a nasty divorce and the last thing you need is not to have a job."

"Fuck you, Tucker." Elliot spat out, striding towards the older man.

"Elliot!" Both Olivia and Cragen put their hands in front of him, stopping him from surely hitting Tucker.

"Elliot!" Olivia repeated. "Don't. You're gonna give this asshole exactly what he wants."

Tucker laughed. "You want to hit me, Detective? Go ahead. Give me a reason to yank your badge instead of just splitting the two of you up. Please."

Olivia blocked Elliot's way and faced Ed Tucker then. "Do you have anything else to say, asshole?"

"No, he doesn't." Cragen said firmly. "Do you, Ed?"

An ugly and dark look crossed Ed Tucker's face as he replied, "No I don't. But if I were you Don, I'd make sure I'd tread lightly. The brass is not gonna be happy if I tell them that you've lost control of your squad."

"Fuck you, Tucker." Elliot spat out again and Olivia felt him try to get around her. But she grabbed his hand and Cragen gave him a firm look and with great effort, Elliot stood down.

Once he was satisfied that Elliot was not going to rush Ed, Cragen turned to face him once more. "You've done what you've come here to do; now I suggest you get out of my precinct, NOW."

Ed Tucker glared at Captain Cragen for one more moment and then began to walk out. Just before he left, he looked back and gave his parting shot, "Remember Don, I'll be watching you from now."

And before Captain Cragen could say another word, Ed Tucker left, slamming the door behind him.

The three of them were silent for a minute and then when they were sure that Tucker wasn't coming back, Elliot turned to Cragen and asked, "What happened, Cap?"

"Why don't you both sit down?"

Mutely, they did as they were told. Once they were all settled, he spoke up once more. "Someone ratted you out guys."

"Who?" Olivia asked.

"I can't tell you and the God's honest truth." Cragen finally admitted to them, his expression sober and sad at the same time. "But I was called yesterday by the brass and when I got there, I was told that they knew about the two of you."

"Captain, please, we'd really appreciate it if you'd let us know." Elliot asked, his voice somewhat tight. Cragen could tell it was taking a lot for Elliot to stay calm.

Captain Cragen was silent. He did not answer.

"Please, Cap?" It was a plea. Olivia stared at her commanding officer, willing him to relent and tell them.

Not wanting to lie to them but at the same time not wanting to break confidentiality, Cragen could only remain silent.

"Who was it Captain?" Elliot asked again.

Cragen gave a mirthless laugh and replied, "Stabler, as much as I'd really like to tell you, I will not be responsible for a murder. I know you'd kill him if I told you."

"No, he won't." Olivia reassured Cragen.

"I don't know guys…Tucker was right, it's supposed to be confidential." Olivia and Elliot could tell that Cragen really wanted to divulge the information but he was torn.

"Look, Cap, we just want to know because if you don't tell us, we'd just be suspicious of everyone including our new…" Olivia swallowed then, giving Elliot a pained glance before continuing, "…partners. So please if you want us to be effective with our new…situation, then you gotta tell us."

"She's right, Cap." Elliot agreed, his expression grave.

"If I tell you, you didn't hear it from me. Okay?"

Elliot and Olivia nodded in agreement at once.

"Wait, I'm not done. And if I do tell you, do I have your word you're not going to touch him. If I hear any iota of talk that you did anything to him, I will have BOTH your badges. Got it?" Cragen spoke in a no-nonsense voice and both of them could tell he meant it.

"Got it." Olivia answered in agreement with total sincerity.

"Elliot?" Captain Cragen asked, looking at him sternly.

Elliot sighed. His reluctance to give his word showed clearly on his face. But he knew he had no choice and he finally replied, "You got it, Cap."

"Elliot, I'm serious about this." Captain Cragen reiterated.

"Cap, he won't. I promise you, he won't." Olivia assured him before turning to Elliot. "Right, El?"

Elliot paused and rubbed his jaw, like he always did when he was frustrated.

"Right, El?" Olivia repeated, her tone more firm now.

"Right. " Elliot finally confirmed. "Cap, I promise you, I won't touch him or her."

"Okay."

"So who is it?" Olivia asked again. She could feel her heart beating fast. She prayed that it wasn't Kathy because if it was, she didn't know what Elliot would do.

Captain Cragen took a deep breath and then paused. There was still time to turn back. He could still not tell them. But then he also knew that if he didn't, they were right. They wouldn't be able to trust anyone surrounding them and that would be a bad thing for the squad. And so he really didn't have a choice. He took another deep breath before he finally made the revelation. "It was Brian."

"Brian who's that?" Elliot asked, his brow furrowing in puzzlement, his mind a drawing blank.

Olivia's face went momentarily blank too. "Brian who?"

Captain Cragen was about to answer her but then suddenly Olivia's face changed. And right then and there, Cragen knew it had sank in who he was talking about. "Hold on!" Olivia exclaimed, her face pale with anger now, "Do you mean, Brian Cassidy?"

Cragen could not lie and with a sigh of defeat it almost seemed like, he confirmed it. "You got it, Liv."

"What? How? Huh? I mean why would he do that? I don't get it." Olivia looked totally at a loss now and so did Elliot.

"How did he even know?" Elliot asked, clearly just as upset but just as puzzled as well.

"Yeah, I mean I haven't seen him in like 8 or 9 years. In fact, I haven't even really thought of him in all these years." Olivia stated, looking more confused than ever.

"Apparently, he saw you guys emerge from some hotel downtown and you were holding hands or something."

"And so? Why the hell would he snitch? Unless…" Elliot's voice trailed off.

And suddenly it was clear as day. "…unless he still had the hots for me." Olivia finished for him.

"Oh my God. It was one night during your…" Elliot looked totally flabbergasted. Of course he understood how good one night was with Olivia Benson was. But to carry that and hold that after all these years! Jesus Christ!

"Stop!" Cragen suddenly spoke out, stopping them effectively. "Look I don't want to know what happened or didn't happen between Cassidy and Liv. But I suspect you're right Liv – he's still carrying a torch for you. I mean you'd have to be blind to see how he followed you like a puppy dog that year that he was with us."

"I'm gonna kill him." Olivia muttered.

"You gave your word, Olivia. " Cragen reminded her, shooting her a dark look.

"Fine, but I am going to talk to him." Olivia declared, angry again.

"No, you won't." Cragen told her.

"But..." Olivia started to protest. But Cragen cut her off at once.

"Do you want to lose your badge? Do you want ME to lose my badge?" Cragen's voice rose. He was angry too now.

"No, no, I don't." Olivia had to admit, deflating immediately.

"Then both of you, do us all a favor and just let him be."

"This still isn't fair, Captain." Elliot put in.

"I never said it was, Elliot." Cragen remarked. "But, unfortunately, the decision was not made by me. It was a decision I didn't get to make."

"We know, Cap." Olivia said, resigned now.

"I tried my hardest. I fought for you guys to stay together. But they overruled me." Captain Cragen informed them.

"Thanks for trying, Cap." Olivia told him gratefully.

"Yeah, Cap." Elliot echoed.

"I know it's not an ideal situation. I mean you two together, you were my best team and now I'm being forced to split up my best team in the squad."

"We're sorry, Cap." Olivia apologized to their commanding officer.

"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But you just said.." Elliot spoke up, puzzled once more.

"I know what I said, Elliot. But you guys didn't do anything wrong. At least not in terms of your job. I asked you guys not to let your personal involvement affect your work so you could stay together. And you did exactly that. Unfortunately, we ran into an element that we did not expect to encounter."

"What a bastard!" Olivia muttered loudly.

Cragen fixed a hard stare upon her and she blushed. "Liv, I expected to have this problem with Elliot not with you. Are you going to be a problem?"

Looking like a high schooler that had been reprimanded by her principal, Olivia cast her eyes down, sighed and shook her head.

"Good. God knows I've known for a long time how much you guys cared for each other. I know it's not an ideal situation but would you rather you guys broke off your personal relationship or your professional relationship? Because as much as it isn't fair, those are your only choices right now."

Olivia and Elliot sighed from across the table. Elliot glanced at Olivia then and he reached for her hand. Cragen did not see the movement but he could tell because Olivia's expression changed then. Cragen remained silent, waiting for their answer.

Finally Elliot spoke up for the two of them. "I guess I can work with Fin."

"And I can work with Munch." Olivia echoed.

A look of relief came over Cragen's face. "Thank you both. Don't worry, let's just let this fizzle out and I promise you guys, I'll do my best to get you back as partners."

"Thank you Captain." Olivia said to her commanding officer, gratefully.

"No problem. Now, I suggest you two get back to your paperwork. And in the meantime, please send Fin and Munch here. I need to tell them about this."

Nodding, Elliot and Olivia stood up and left, calling out to the two men as they exited.

. . .

**ELLIOT AND OLIVIA**

Friday night, 8:47 pm

Olivia had gotten home before Elliot. When Elliot got home, he found her sitting on her couch, starting at the TV.

He could see by the expression on her face that the day had been rough on her. She didn't like the fact they had been forced apart as partners.

She looked at him as he walked in and silently, he approached her. "Hey," he whispered to her.

She didn't answer instead she just faced him, reached up, unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. Without a word, she pushed his pants with his boxer briefs down, exposing his cock. She started stroking his length until he hardened and groaned. "Liv…"

"Fuck me, El…" Olivia told him, her voice strangled. "I need you, please."

Wordlessly, Elliot consented and crawled onto the couch. He spread her legs and put a hand in between them. A low feral sound came out of Elliot then. She was already dripping.

He could tell that she didn't want foreplay right then. She just wanted to feel better. He felt her hand encircle his cock and guide it inside her. Once he was aligned at her entrance, he gave one hard push and was all at once he was inside her to the hilt.

Olivia whimpered and Elliot started to pummel her hard. Olivia bit her lip from crying out loud and placed her legs on top of his shoulders, making it tighter inside her and allowing him go deeper.

"Oh God, baby, that's it." She breathed out, her hands cupping his ass tightly. "Fuck me."

"Do you want it hard, baby?" Elliot asked her, his eyes blazing with lust. "Oh, baby, you're so tight and wet, god damn it."

Olivia's nod was furious and rapid just as her breathing was. "Yes, please, fuck me hard, El. I need you to fuck me hard right now."

The moment the words were out of her mouth, Elliot began an unrelenting rhythm. He would pull out almost all the way and then slam into her hard. He did this over and over again making Olivia cry out every time he slammed back in.

Her fingers were digging into his ass and he knew they would leave a mark. But he didn't care. The pain that he felt actually heightened his pleasure and he tirelessly continued to pummel Olivia.

"Baby, you're cock feels so good inside me." Olivia muttered.

"Hmmm….Liv, I don't think I can hold on much longer…" Elliot confessed. "Liv, I…"

Then suddenly for the first time Elliot couldn't hold back and one more push, he had let out a loud cry, and his seed began to spill out into Olivia.

When his orgasm subsided, he collapsed against her and said, "Oh God, baby, I'm sorry I couldn't hold off."

"It's okay, El…."

"I…I…"

"El, it's not you, okay."

Again, Elliot nodded but Olivia could tell from his face that he felt bad. She was telling the truth though, it wasn't him. It was what happened that morning that was weighing on her mind. And that was the reason that she could didn't come.

Gently she pushed him off of her, making him pull out. She untangled herself from him and sat up. She buried her face in her hands, turning away from him.

For the first time in a long time, Olivia could not articulate to him how she felt. And it felt rotten not to be able to talk to him about it.

Elliot sensed the turmoil within her and let her just be for a minute. He knew that Olivia was not the type of person who you can push into talking. And so for a while, they were quiet. Elliot retrieved his boxer briefs and put them on before he sat next to Olivia again, putting his arms around her.

Olivia sank into his arms, her breathing heavy. Elliot could feel the tension inside of her and finally he could no longer take it and he spoke up albeit softly, "Liv, are you okay, babe?"

She didn't respond at once but when she finally did, she shook her head. "No," she confessed, "I'm not El."

Elliot sighed and reluctantly he unwrapped his arms around her and faced her. "Liv, you know I don't like being partnered with anyone else other than you, too."

"It's not just that, El. I mean it's mostly that. But I can't stand that Cap may be in trouble because of us. I can't stand that the squad may be compromised because of us. And I can't stand that Brian seemed to have snitched on us because I didn't want to date him so many years ago. And most of all, I can't stand not working with you."

"I know, babe. All of that bothers me too, but what can we do?"

Olivia removed his Elliot's from her face and with her eyes downcast, she replied in a whisper, "El, I can't help but think if all of this is worth it?"

"What do you mean?" Elliot looked hurt and upset then. "Are you questioning if our being together is worth all of this? Because I know my answer to that. I know it's worth it."

"Is it El?" Olivia looked at him, her eyes full of sadness. "I mean that's only at work. There are other repercussions. Lizzie and Dickie hate you. They hate me. Maureen tolerates this at best. And Kathleen, Kathleen has been great but I can't take the fact that we disappointed her. And Kathy…Kathy is alone. You left her for me. I can't help but think this is just karma coming back at us. We hurt so many people, lied to so many people to be together."

"Liv, what are you saying?"

Olivia stared at him and sighed. "I don't know, Elliot."

"Liv, do you love me?" Elliot suddenly asked her.

"Oh God, yes! I love you so very much, El. I've loved you forever." Olivia confessed feelingly and with all of her heart. But still there was pain there. Pain and fear. And Elliot hated seeing that.

"I love you so much too, Liv." Elliot declared, his voice filled with conviction.

"But is it enough?"

Elliot's felt as if his world suddenly closed around him as he heard Olivia say those words. His tone was ragged and strangled as he struggled to get out his thoughts. "Of course it is, Liv. It is to me…is it enough for you though?"

Olivia knew Elliot was about to break down. And her heart felt like it was going to burst from hurt. She too, could not believe the words that had come out of her mouth. But she had said it. She couldn't unsay it.

It took a lot of effort but she managed to reply, "I always thought so…"

"But…"

"But, El…look at what's happening! I can't help but think that if we had been just honest from the get go, if we didn't have an affair, things would have been different."

Elliot was panicked now. He didn't want to lose Olivia. He would NOT lose Olivia. "Liv! Please! This is just the hard part. We will get through this, I promise you."

"I'm sure we will, El but at what cost? What if your family never speaks to you again? What if they hate you forever? What if because of our involvement, the squad is subjected to scrutiny by IAB and they find fault? What if…"

Elliot grabbed her then and he embraced her tight. "Stop," He begged her. "Stop it, Liv."

Olivia was crying then and her body shook as Elliot held her. She didn't put her arms around him as she sobbed. Elliot could feel her pain and tears started to fall down on his cheeks too. "El what if we met each other when you were married means that we shouldn't be together? What if this isn't how things should be? Maybe it's Kathy you really should be with."

"Don't say that, Liv. Please. I couldn't bear it." Elliot croaked out. "We will get through this. I don't believe that."

"You don't?"

"No." Elliot told her.

He pulled away from her and he looked into her eyes. Olivia gazed back and choked out, "Then make me believe it, Elliot. Make me believe that this is right. Because right now, it feels as far from right as can be."

"Liv," Elliot breathed out, "I love you. I have loved you almost from the first day I saw you. I believe in this…in us. Yes, we should have been honest. We should have never had an affair. I shouldn't have been a coward. I should have told Kathy no even when she told me that she was pregnant with Eli. But I was a coward. And I wanted to do the right thing. Until I couldn't anymore."

"So you admit it. This is wrong." Olivia interjected, looking depressed and defeated.

"What? No! That's not what I meant! God damn it, Liv!"

"But you said you could no longer do the right thing." Olivia returned. "So you must think this is wrong."

"Damn it! I didn't mean it like that!" Elliot spat out, looking more panicked than ever.

"Then how did you mean it?" Olivia asked.

"I meant, I grew up Catholic Liv. I've always been taught that marriage was sacred and that you do not run from your obligations. And that's what I tried to do when I went back to Kathy. I wanted to fulfill my obligations her. I wanted to do right by Eli."

"And you did. So why stop?" Olivia asked. "Was it because I seduced you? Did I do this? Did I bedevil you and make you forget your family? Elliot, I feel like our world is falling apart and it's my fault. And I can't bear that, El! I can't."

"No! You didn't do anything except be who you are. It's why I fell in love with you. How many times did you try to help me with Kathy? God, you even helped her give birth to Eli! And Kathy is a wonderful woman and a great mother, but Liv, I am no longer in love with her. I was not happy with her. I realized that I could fulfill my obligations to my children without being married to her. And I know it took me forever to be honest with her, which should have never been the case. But I cannot undo the past. I can only move forward. And moving forward, I promised myself and I promise you to be always honest or at least, I will try my very best to be."

"Elliot, what if your children never forgive you?" Olivia asked again. Her eyes were filled with fear. "I promise you El, if that happens, I will never forgive myself."

"This is NOT your fault Olivia. With or without you, Kathy and I would have broken up." Elliot told her firmly. Elliot's certainty rang through just as loudly as the fear enveloping him right then.

"Would you really have, El? Would you have left her if I wasn't waiting for you on the horizon?"

"Yes, Liv. I would have." Elliot answered her question, not an iota of hesitation there.

"Really?" Doubt still lined Olivia's features.

"Really." Elliot assured her. He took her hands into his and intertwined their fingers. "Look, Liv, maybe if you weren't there, it would have taken longer for me to leave her, but don't doubt that I would have. A part of me will always love her. But she and I have not made each other happy for a long time. We were kids when I got her pregnant and I went back to her because I got her pregnant again. But even before Eli, we had grown up and grown apart."

"El, I don't know…it's just after today, I feel like being happy with you is wrong."

"Why? Because we don't get to be partners at work anymore? I know…it's not something both of us don't want. But if that's the way it has to be, that's the way it has to be. Even if Brian didn't snitch on us, sooner or later, we knew this could happen. So why is this throwing you for a loop now?"

"I guess because I had made myself believe that we will always be partners…"

"And we will be, Liv. Just not at work." Elliot said to her earnestly. "Would you rather we be back the way we were? Having an affair, sneaking behind people's back just so we could be partners at work? Because honestly, Liv, if it's choosing between that and this, I choose this. I don't want to be just your work partner, Liv. I want to be your partner in life."

Another tear slid down Olivia's face and she choked up once more. "Are you sure about that, Elliot?"

"Yes, I am." Elliot confirmed for her. He released one of her hands and brushed away the tear that fell from her eye then.

"El, I need to ask you something," Olivia told him. "And I need you to answer it honestly."

"I'll always be honest with you, Liv." Elliot promised.

"I don't want you to get angry. But I need to ask it." Olivia continued.

"Okay." Elliot answered, nodding.

Gazing at him, Olivia took a deep breath and blurted out, "El, you cheated on Kathy with me, what assurance do I have that you won't do the same to me?"

Elliot felt like the wind had been knocked out of him then. For a minute he couldn't breathe or speak. Hurt flooded every fiber of his being followed by anger. But the moment he looked back at Olivia's face, he calmed down a bit and he understood why she asked. But nevertheless there was bitterness and anger there as he answered, "Once a cheater, always a cheater right?"

"You know that's not what I mean, El." Olivia replied quietly. "But I'm sorry I have to ask. I also have to take care of myself."

Elliot only looked at her for a few minutes and then he took several deep breaths, closing his eyes. When he finally opened them again, his anger was gone. "Liv, I want to promise you that I'll never do that again, but I have a feeling you won't believe me." Elliot sounded truly sad right then and Olivia could see his eyes turning red from unshed tears.

"Elliot…I…I don't know what to say." Olivia admitted.

They fell silent again. Both him and Olivia turned away, the silence that had always been comfortable between them, now lay there like a heavy vacuum.

When he couldn't take it anymore, Elliot turned to her once more and spoke. "Liv, do you believe that I love you?"

Olivia nodded, but still didn't look at him.

"Look at me, Liv. Tell me that you believe that I truly love you. Please." Elliot begged, his heart on the verge of breaking.

She couldn't help herself. God help her, she couldn't help herself and she faced him, whispering, "I do believe it, El."

"Then you just have to trust in my love for you. Please, Liv. I know that cheating with you on Kathy was the wrong thing to do. But I swear on my life, I won't ever do that to you. I swear!" Elliot was getting choked up. "I love you, Liv. I love you so much."

Olivia remained silent, searching his face. Then she sighed, reached for his hands and with a small smile beginning on her lips, she finally replied, "I love you, too El. I love you so very much. I guess I'm just scared."

"I'm scared too, baby. And that's how I know this is worth it. That's how I know this is real. Because if wasn't, I wouldn't at all be scared." Elliot let it all out. He laid his heart out then. He didn't want her to have any more doubts. "But Liv, this can't work if you don't trust me. You have to trust me. And you have to know that I trust you with my life."

"Elliot…."

"Yes?"

"I do trust you…it's just that, I'm sorry but today really shook me up. And we've been living in this bubble for so long. And I guess it was just reality biting us back today. What we did…well it took two to tango right? There would have been no affair, if I didn't let it happen."

"Well…you said it, I didn't." Elliot was beginning to smile too.

"Can we promise that we'll always be honest with each other?" Olivia asked him.

"You know being honest with myself is a new thing with me Liv, and I think with you too. I think for the moment, that's too big a leap for either of us. But I can promise you that I will try my hardest to be always honest with you."

"Okay, okay, El. I guess for now, that's really all we can do." Olivia agreed.

"So are we good?" Elliot asked, looking hopeful once again. "You're not going to leave me?"

"Well, that depends on you." Olivia returned, still gazing at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it depends on how you feel at the fact that I might be…" Her voice trailed off as fear seized her once more.

"You might be what, Liv?" Elliot asked, looking concerned now.

"El…" Olivia whispered in answer, "I'm…I'm late…"

Elliot's jaw dropped open in surprise and then a huge smile began to spread across his face as he realized what she was trying to say. "You're pregnant?"

"I don't know yet. But I'm two weeks late and I bought a pregnancy test on the way home. But before I take it, I wanted to make sure you're okay with it." Olivia looked apprehensive even though Elliot was grinning almost giddily in front of her.

"Okay with it? Of course, I am. Oh my God! Liv! Oh God, I love you!" Elliot embraced her tightly and this time, Olivia embraced him back.

When they pulled apart, Elliot asked her, "So why don't you take it?"

"Now?"

"Yeah. Now."

"Isn't it supposed to be taken in the morning? The first pee of the morning?"

"Nah. Those tests are so sensitive now that you it doesn't have to be." Elliot told her.

Suddenly, Olivia looked scared again and Elliot could see her hesitate. "El, what if I am?"

"Didn't I just make my feelings clear on that Liv? I would be so happy if you are!"

"But you're not yet divorced. Yet again, this would be just wrong." Olivia said fearfully.

"Liv, we are no longer in high school. You're not putting a gun to my head to marry you. You wanted this as much as I wanted it. We haven't been using protection. So why are you hesitating?"

"I just feel that karma might bite us again in the ass if I am."

"Fuck karma."

"Don't say that, El."

"What I mean Liv is that if you are pregnant, I'd be the happiest man on earth. If you and I made a baby then that baby was made by two people who love each other. So how can that be wrong?"

Finally Olivia let go of her fear and smiled. "Okay. Let's do it!"

Without another word, Olivia got up from the couch, grabbed the EPT from the dining table. She and Elliot proceeded to the bathroom. She peed into the cup provided, and then dipped the pregnancy test stick into it. Impatiently she and Elliot waited the full 3 minutes before pulling the stick out of the cup. And there it was. Two pink lines.

Elliot and Olivia grinned at each other then they cried.

The next thing Olivia knew, Elliot had carried her out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He laid her down on the bed, took of her shirt and then pulled down his boxer briefs.

He kissed her hotly, their tears still pouring out of their eyes in happiness. Then he tore his mouth away from hers and began to kiss her down until he reached her breasts. He captured one nipple with her mouth and sucked the pebbled nipple hard. Olivia gasped and she felt the wetness pool between her legs.

Elliot reached down and let a finger graze her slit. His eyes grew wide as he felt her soaking pussy. "Fuck, Liv."

"Oh, God, Elliot, please."

He didn't hesitate and he pushed two fingers inside her, twisting them and sliding them in and out. Olivia pushed herself up against him, trying to make him go deeper.

"I love you so much, Liv." Elliot murmured as he curled his fingers inside her making her gasp.

"I love you too, El." Her words were a whimper and Elliot once more captured his mouth in hers, sliding his tongue in as his fingers worked their magic inside her pussy.

Olivia could feel her orgasm approaching, her pussy clenching and Elliot felt this. He pulled his fingers out of her pussy at once.

Olivia tore her mouth from his in protest but then he covered it again with his mouth. He spread her legs open and then with one single thrust he entered her to the hilt.

Elliot groaned as her warm, tight wetness enveloped his entire hardened shaft. For a moment, he didn't move and instead he just basked in the pleasure of being inside her. But then Olivia started to push up against him.

He started to move at once, sliding his thick and long cock in and out of her, slowly, gently, deliberately. Olivia's body started to quiver. His cock felt so good going in and out of her.

"Baby.." Olivia whimpered. "So near."

When Elliot heard her words, he slipped a hand in between her legs and found what he was seeking. He started rubbing her clit while he continued to thrust with powerful strokes into her.

Olivia lifted her left leg onto his shoulder and Elliot found himself deeper into her. He started thrusting into her with fast, quick strokes, barely pulling out, letting Olivia push herself upward to grind her mound into his pelvis.

She grabbed his ass, her nails now digging into his cheeks, marking them. Animalistic sounds began to come out of their throats as both their orgasms came nearer.

"Fuck!" Olivia exclaimed. "El, so close…"

"God damn! Liv! So tight and wet, baby."

Olivia lifted her other leg onto his shoulder then and Elliot cried out as suddenly her pussy was so tight. He continued to ram into her, faster now. His rhythms becoming more and more frenzied. A thin veil of sweat lined his face and his body as he continued his relentless thrusts.

Olivia began to whimper louder and louder from under him and he rubbed her clit harder. Then suddenly, Olivia arched up and let out a loud cry. "El…shit! Baby, I'm…I'm…oh God! I'm cumming! El!" Her pussy began to spasm and pulsate, squeezing his cock suddenly in a vise like grip.

Elliot growled, waves of pleasure running through him and suddenly he gave one big thrust and his cock began to spurt his seed inside her.

Olivia continued to grind into him and after the initial spurt Elliot forced himself to continue his thrusts, trying to prolong their orgasms. Their cries mingled with each other and Olivia's breasts bounced hard and his balls slapped loudly against her ass.

Finally when they became too sensitive, they finally stopped, their cries faded and finally it was just their heavy breathing that could be heard as they collapsed against each other.

Elliot not wanting to endanger the life that was growing inside Olivia, didn't stay on top of her for long and he maneuvered them to a side by side position, while still making sure that he was still inside her.

Their arms and legs remained intertwined while their breathing normalized, until they finally came down from their euphoric highs.

Elliot leaned forward and gave Olivia a gentle kiss on her lips and then sleepily told her one more time, "I love you, Liv."

"I love you, El."

They smiled at each other sleepily and then not moving from their present position, they closed their eyes. Sleep was near for both of them, but then just before they surrendered to it, Elliot spoke up again. "Liv?"

"Hmmm.." she murmured, opening her eyes to look at him.

"You make me so happy," he told her, his smile wide.

"Same here, El." Olivia confessed. "Thank you."

"For what?" Elliot asked.

"For being you." Olivia replied, blushing deeply as she heard her confession. "And for making a baby with me."

"I love you." Elliot told her once again, unable to say anything else. His heart was so full.

"Love you, too." Olivia returned. "Good night."

"Good night."

. . .

**OLIVIA AND ELLIOT**

Saturday, 7:19 pm

They were supposed to be off the next day but of course, as it was most of the time with their job, they were called to come in. And though they wanted to have their day off, they went in happily.

Olivia couldn't stop grinning all day and even had to remind herself not to look so happy when they were interviewing a rape victim. Her aura was radiating happiness and so was Elliot's, that both Fin and Munch couldn't help but notice.

At the end of the day, Fin finally couldn't help himself and he had to remark, "Something's going on with you too."

"Yeah," Munch agreed. "You guys look too happy. And usually you have to hem and haw at this one," – he indicated Olivia – "before you can even coax a smile out of her. And today, even after interviewing a rape victim, you look totally happy."

"Yeah," Fin spoke again. "And Elliot – you're usually Mr. Hot tempered and Oscar the Grouch all rolled into one – but today, man, what is up with the two of you?"

"Is it a bad thing to be happy, Munch?" Elliot asked, grinning at Olivia. They had decided until they finished with the appointment with the OB-GYN on Monday, they weren't going to tell anyone, so they just smiled enigmatically towards them.

"Yeah, guys, come on. Can't we be happy for once?" Olivia echoed, her eyes twinkling.

"Of course, you can." Fin replied. "I guess were just not used to it."

"Well get used to it." Elliot told him.

"So you guys won't tell us what's going on?" Munch prodded.

Olivia shook her head and laughed. "We're just happy, Munch. Okay?"

Munch frowned, hating the fact that he was not getting an answer. But then he knew better than to force anything out of Benson and Stabler so he simply replied, "Okay."

After that they went back to their respective desks and started on the paperwork.

For about ten minutes, all of them were silent, simply concentrating on finishing their DD5s so that they could all go home.

Then all of a sudden, Elliot heard Fin exclaim, "Lizzie! Hey what's wrong, baby?"

Startled and alarmed, Elliot looked up to find his daughter, standing a few feet away from his desk, tears streaming down her cheeks.

The teenager tried to speak but couldn't. Instead she just started crying hard. Elliot was alarmed and quickly went to her, embracing his daughter. Olivia looked alarmed too but knew better than to approach the girl. So instead she just sat their silently, watching Elliot with Lizzie.

A few minutes later, Lizzie's tears slowed down and Elliot asked her, "Lizzie, what's wrong? What are you doing here and why are you crying? Please tell me."

There was panic in Elliot's voice now.

All of them could see that something was wrong and Fin and Munch knew why Olivia couldn't approach. So they helped them out.

Approaching Lizzie, Fin asked her gently, "Hey, Lizzie. It's okay. Your dad's here. We're all here. But you gotta tell us what's wrong baby?"

"Is it Dickie?" Elliot asked.

Lizzie shook her head, still unable to answer.

"Elliot!" Fin addressed his colleague and friend firmly. Elliot was panicked and he could see that it was making things worse with Lizzie.

Elliot nodded and tried to calm down by breathing slowly.

Fin took over again. "Lizzie – you gotta tell us what's wrong. Is it any of your brothers and sisters?"

Again, Lizzie shook her head.

Olivia's heart was already racing and even before Lizzie could spill, somehow she knew. This was about Kathy.

"Is it your mom?" Fin asked.

Suddenly, Lizzie let out a fresh wail and she nodded furiously.

Elliot and Olivia paled at the same time, and both were unable to speak.

Once more, Fin took the lead. "Lizzie, is your mom okay?"

Lizzie shook her head again and this time, she managed to choke out. "No, she isn't."

Elliot couldn't take it anymore and he put his hand on his daughter's shoulder and asked, "Lizzie, please. Tell me, what's wrong?"

Lizzie looked at Olivia first, anger clearly etched on her face. Olivia saw the look the young girl gave her and blanched even further.

"Lizzie!" Elliot exclaimed.

Slowly, Lizzie shifted her focus to her dad. Her face held a worse look of anger now and tears continued to stream down her face. It took a couple of breaths but at last she was able to speak. "Dad. Mom…mom's in the hospital."

Elliot's face had no color whatsoever now and once more he was rendered speechless.

Thankfully, Fin intervened again. "What happened to her, Lizzie?"

Still looking at her dad with contempt, Lizzie finally told them what happened. "Mom's been depressed since she got the divorce papers last month. Today before when we left for school, she was especially bad. I think it was because she attended her first PTA meeting without you yesterday. Anyway, when we got home from school, we found her unconscious." Lizzie choked up again and she started to shake from anger but still she continued. "Dad, she tried to kill herself."

And with those words, Elliot felt his world crashing down on him. He looked at Olivia and saw the look of horror on her face before she suddenly fell down in a faint.

. . .

To be continued…

Oh no! What now?

Brian snitched. Olivia's pregnant. Kathy's tried to kill herself. What happens now?

All coming up.

In the meantime, please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

_**First of all, once more I am sorry for the delay in updating. Again real life got in the way. Anyway, I am back and I'll try to update more regularly moving forward. **_

_**Things you need to know in this chapter. There is no smut here. LOL. But there will be in the next chapter. A lot of this chapter is Kathy and Elliot. I know many of you are not big fans of Kathy but she seems to have just tried to kill herself, so like it or not, Elliot has to deal with that. **_

_**In any case, I promise more EO time in the next chapter. In the meantime, I hope you still enjoy this one. **_

_**And again, I don't have a beta. So if you find any spelling errors/grammar errors please do point them out so that I can correct them. Thank you for reading!**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to sbladymd, Stephanie who gave me the information I needed for Kathy's suicide attempt! Thanks Stephanie! **_

_**Sometimes we refuse to see what someone has been telling us all along even though it's plain as day until the time comes that we can no longer refuse because it can no longer be denied….**_

. . .

**ELLIOT **

Sunday, 10:00 pm

When Elliot got into the city from Queens, after taking the crosstown bus to the westside, Elliot decided to get walk to home. The subway was faster and while he was anxious to see Olivia and the night was a cold one, he needed to clear his head. And thus, he walked to West 89th Street.

_3 hours earlier…_

_Olivia had regained consciousness almost at once after she fainted. Thankfully George Huang was there in the precinct when she fainted and was able to help her. Olivia being Olivia insisted that he go and see to Kathy. And so he did. _

_Kathy had been unconscious still when he got there. So pretty much for the next 14 or so hours all he could do was wait. Once she regained consciousness and had eaten, the attending psychiatrist had conducted an interview with her. And then when she was done with Kathy's interview, the doctor asked to see him. And he couldn't believe what he was told . _

_It was explained to Elliot that with every attempted suicide case, once the patient is awake and lucid, he or she is given an examination to determine the depth of the danger they pose to themselves. It was also a test to check if the suicide attempt was genuine or just a cry for attention. _

_The doctor had explained to Elliot that most people who survive suicide attempts like Kathy's were ones that were a cry for attention. _

"_What do you mean?" Elliot had asked the attending psychiatrist whose name was Dr. Stephanie Cooper. _

"_ , I need you to be calm when I tell you this. You need to take it easy for your children, but I believe that Mrs. Stabler planned all this. She didn't really intend to die. The amount of absorption of the pills in her stomach told me that she timed this so that she can be found on time by the kids. Aside from that, I interviewed Richard and Elizabeth as well as Mrs. Stabler herself and I believe that all they have told me supports that theory. I'm sorry but your wife…"_

"_Ex-wife…" Elliot cut in, his voice cold and tight._

"_Alright, ex-wife. As I was saying, I don't think your ex-wife planned to commit suicide. This was a cry for attention. I will be discharging her tomorrow. It's been 24 hours actually since she got here and she's actually okay now. But sometimes those pills can have adverse effects so we are keeping her another 24 hours just in case. But if there are no incidents by tomorrow morning she will be discharged. But I will also recommend intensive outpatient therapy for her. _

_The rest of the conversation with the doctor was a blur to him. He remembered asking Dr. Cooper if she would speak to Maureen who was in the room with Kathy. He explained that he was in a middle of a bitter divorce which is what he suspected drove Kathy to do this. _

"_It wasn't amicable?"_

"_No." There was definite bitterness in Elliot's tone. "In fact, pretty much most of my children hate me."_

"_I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Stabler."_

_Elliot remembered shrugging then. "I made a choice. I was no longer happy with her. I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. We married too young, you know?"_

_Dr. Cooper had nodded in understanding. "I understand. But you need to make her understand that too, Mr. Stabler."_

"_I thought I did. The last time we saw each other, I thought things went well. I mean as well as it could be under the circumstances. I actually thought she was on her way to acceptance."_

_Elliot started pacing the room and Dr. Cooper let him be for a few moments. Then when she saw that the frown on his face had somewhat gone, as gently as she could, she spoke up again and asked, "Do you mind telling me why you two broke up? I know that sounds very intrusive and it is, but it may help us determine why she did this and if she will do it again."_

_At first, Elliot could only stare at Dr. Cooper. Under normal circumstances he would have probably noticed that Dr. Cooper was an attractive woman. But not right now. All Elliot could do was stare unseeingly at her. All he could think of was how Kathy could possibly do this to their kids. He was very angry at her. But he was also angry at himself. He blamed himself for not foreseeing this and admitted as much to Dr. Cooper. _

"_Mr. Stabler, no one can foretell the future. So do not blame yourself for this. You said the last time you saw each other, everything seemed okay."_

"_Yeah, well like I said as well as everything could be. She was asking me to come back to give us another chance."_

"_And why didn't you?" _

"_Because I was no longer happy with her, Doctor. I am not in love with her anymore."_

"_And she knew that?"_

"_Yes and she admitted even that we weren't really happy anymore but what she couldn't take was that I had fallen in love with someone else. My partner at work. She had always thought that we you know…And we didn't…not for more than ten years…and finally we couldn't….damn it, I know I should have just been honest with her from the get go. But I was scared. I didn't want to lose my kids." _

"_Have you told her this?"_

"_Yes. Look Doctor Cooper, there's a part of me that will always love her. She was my first love AND the mother of my children. No one will ever change that. I have told her this repeatedly and honestly, I'm beginning to feel like a scratched CD now."_

"_Right."_

"_But Doc, it doesn't sink in with her. It just doesn't! And I don't know how else to say it. I don't want to hurt her any more than I have. But what she did – that's not wrong. It would be one thing if it was just me, but what about our kids? They'll have that image of her in her heads - coming home from Saturday school, from make-up classes to find their mother practically dead. They might even blame themselves. They might start thinking, if only I hadn't had to make up classes that Saturday… I am very angry at my ex-wife right now. Having said that, as angry as I am, I do not want her to try and hurt herself again, genuine intentions or not. And I'm scared that when she finally finds out about…" Elliot suddenly stopped and broke off unable to continue but his frustration clearly showing on his face. _

"_Find out what, Mr. Stabler?" Dr. Cooper prodded. "It is essential that you be open right here and now. Knowing everything relevant is that only way I can recommend what the next best steps for her are in the immediate and more long term future. So please…."_

_Elliot let out a heavy breath and he started to pace around the room again. He rubbed his knuckles along his jaw. Had Olivia been there, she would have known that he was under stress. Elliot always did that when he was under stress. _

"_Mr. Stabler?" Dr. Cooper persisted, looking at him, her expression concerned but firm._

_Elliot paced the room once more and then let out a big sigh of frustration. He formed fist with his right hand and started to hit his palm. After a few punches, he let out another breath before speaking up again. "Damn it. Doctor, it's just that…"_

"_Mr. Stabler, if you're worried about me judging you, please don't. I just need to know as much as I can so that I can assess the situation and be able to recommend the best plan so that your ex-wife doesn't do this again."_

_Elliot heaved a great big sigh, stopped pacing, faced Dr. Cooper and finally confessed. "My girlfriend and partner Olivia is pregnant. Actually we just found out a few days ago and we haven't told anyone yet. But of course we can't keep it a secret forever. And I'm scared that when Kathy finds out, well…"_

"_She might do this again?" _

"_Exactly. Doctor, I love Olivia. It took me more than 10 years to man up and admit that. It also took me that long to admit that my marriage with Kathy was no longer working. But those facts don't mean that I don't give a shit about Kathy anymore. Like I said I've told her this many times. And in fact, even Olivia has told her the same things. But it's almost like a contest with her. And the prize is me. Not to sound egotistical, but that is the truth. But I don't want to be the prize in a contest. I know who I'm in love with. I love Kathy, I always will. But I am not in love with her. And I really don't know anymore how to make her understand that. "_

_Dr. Cooper eyed Elliot as if waiting for more. When she saw that he seemed done, Dr. Cooper asked, "Is that it?" _

"_Yup that's it. I mean she already knows that I live with Olivia now." _

"_Okay, well thank you for your honesty, Mr. Stabler."_

"_Anything that will help, Doctor." Elliot replied, looking resigned. "So what now?" _

"_Well, the first thing you need to know is that you cannot give in to your ex-wife. When you see her in a little bit, if you are right and you are the prize that she wants, you cannot let her get her way. Meaning if she asks you move back in until she's well, no matter how it tugs on your heartstrings, you cannot give in. Because if you do, it will only tell her that her plan worked and if things don't go her way again next time, she can do it again. And we definitely do not want that. Can you do that, Mr. Stabler."_

_Elliot nodded in the affirmative. "Okay. And then?"_

"_Next, I know after what I told you, there's probably nothing more you'd like than to just walk out of here. I know you're very angry and frustrated…"_

"_Actually," Elliot cut in, interrupting Dr. Cooper, " that's not the case, Dr. Cooper. I mean….yes I am angry and frustrated. But I learned during our first separation that getting angry at everyone does not help. So yes I am angry and frustrated mostly for my children, but right now, all I really want is for everything to be okay, for everyone to be okay so that we can all move on and be happy." _

"_That's a good way of looking at things Elliot. But you know it's going to take some time, right?"_

"_Yes, I do."_

"_It's always harder for the one who got left behind. I mean you have a whole new life for yourself practically. But she doesn't. I'm not saying you should condone what she did. But you need to understand why she may have been capable of doing this."_

"_I do understand Doc. Like I just mentioned this is not our first round at this. We've separated before. For a couple years actually. And that time, she was the one who left. And it hurt like hell when she did that. And there wasn't even a third party involved. So I do understand, Dr. Cooper." _

"_Good, so you do know where she's coming from." _

"_In a way. But I would have never done anything like this." _

"_Not even thought it?" _

"_Thinking it is different from doing it, Dr. Cooper."_

"_True but still, at least you have an inkling of how she must be feeling."_

"_Yes."_

"_So, can I ask you a favor?" _

"_What is it?" Elliot's tone was wary._

"_She's alert now. The effects of the alcohol and the sleeping pills she took are no all but gone. And honestly tomorrow, we are discharging her. So why don't you visit with her now and tell her what you need to tell her. But be gentle. And while you do that, why don't you tell your kids to see me? Okay? After all you've told me, I think it'll be better if they hear it from me."_

"_Do we have to tell them that she didn't really want to kill herself?"_

"_I'm of the school Mr. Stabler that you should be honest and open to your family members but I certainy understand your hesitancy. "_

"_Alright."_

"_One more thing, you said you live with your girlfriend." _

"_Yes." _

"_Well I think you have to make arrangements on where you minor children will live."_

"_Why?" Elliot suddenly looked alarmed. _

"_Mr. Stabler, we will not allow minor children –I was told you have a very young son who is not even two years old - be under the care of someone who is not emotionally stable at the moment. Yes, I understand why she did that, but surely as an SVU detective you understand. If you cannot make suitable arrangements, I'm afraid I will have to call ACS and have your minor children placed in temporary foster care."_

"_No!" Elliot's voice was suddenly raised and panicked. _

"_Then you have to make arrangements, Mr. Stabler."_

"_I'm sure their oldest sister Maureen, can stay at home first and I can call Kathy's mom. They can stay with Dickie, Lizzie and Eli. Actually, Eli is already with his grandmother. And I'll talk to Olivia too just in case."_

"_Okay. But I still have to report this to ACS. They'll visit your former house tomorrow after Mrs. Stabler is discharged to make sure that the children have suitable guardians."_

_Elliot let out a loud sigh of frustration and a growl. _

_Dr. Cooper saw this and heard but she was not alarmed. She had seen worse. "Mr. Stabler…"_

"_I'll handle it, Doctor."_

"_This is just temporary. It's what's best. I will be recommending outpatient therapy for her. In fact, unless she has someone she knows, I will be giving her a referral tomorrow as well as interim anti-anxiety medication. Once her psychiatrist declares her okay, ACS will stop being involved."_

"_I really don't have a choice do I, Dr. Cooper?" _

"_Unfortunately, no."_

"_Okay, well, thank you for your candidness, Dr. Cooper. I think I'll go see her now and after that, I will have to go home. I need to see Olivia – she's pregnant and it's her first so…" _

"_I understand Mr. Stabler. So why don't you do that now and send your children here. By the way who are here?"_

"_All of them except Eli."_

"_Good. Good luck, Mr. Stabler. And remember everything I told you when you talk to her."_

"_I will. Thank you again." _

"_And Mr. Stabler, do you think you can be here tomorrow? For the discharge instructions?"_

"_Honestly, Dr. Cooper, that's probably not a good idea. It'll probably upset everyone. If my soon to be ex-mother-in-law and oldest daughter cannot make it, I will be here. But if they can, and I can make the arrangements, it'll be them, not me."_

"_Okay. I'll make a note of that."_

"_So if you don't mind, can I go to Kathy now, I'm just exhausted?" _

"_Alright, Mr. Stabler. Your wife should be discharged by after lunch tomorrow. So we'd like to know in the morning what your arrangements are for your minor children." _

"_Okay Doctor."_

"_I'll let your oldest daughter know of the Social Services situation as well. Again, she'd probably take it better coming from me." _

"_I'd appreciate that. That would be a great help."_

"_Okay, now go. I appreciate your honesty with me Mr. Stabler. "_

_Feeling suddenly even more exhausted, Elliot had just nodded, then turned around and started making his way towards Kathy's room._

All at once, a cab honked his horn and Elliot snapped out of his reverie. He glanced at the street signs and saw that he wasn't too far now. He was already on West 70th St. 19 more street blocks then one avenue block and he would be there.

He sighed and once more he was taken back to the scene at the hospital.

_Once he had gotten the kids to go to Dr. Cooper's office and talk to her, he stepped inside Kathy's room. _

_For a moment, his anger and frustration left him and all he felt was regret and sadness. After all, they had been together a long time and that didn't just disappear. But even now as he looked at her pale still figure, he knew it. He loved her but he was no longer in love with her. God help him, but it was the truth. And all he wanted was that they both be free to pursue their happiness. If they stayed together, neither would be happy. And that wouldn't be fair to either of them. _

_He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't realize that Kathy had opened her eyes until he heard her soft voice say his name. "Elliot?"_

_Elliot suddenly focused on her but he didn't say a thing. _

_Kathy, encouraged by his presence if nothing else, gave him a tentative smile. "You came….I'm sorry about all of this…I….I just…I don't know…I'm glad you came." _

_Remembering what Dr. Cooper had told him, Elliot controlled his anger, took a deep breath and spoke up. "Kathy, why?"_

"_I don't know, Elliot. It just seemed like there was no point…"_

"_No point?" Elliot's voice was soft was it was tight. A pulse throbbed on his neck and Kathy suddenly became scared._

_Kathy swallowed hard, closed her eyes briefly before answering. "You were gone…"_

"_Yes, Kathy. We are getting divorced. But how can you say there is no point? No point in what? Living?"_

"_Yes…" Tears sprang into Kathy's eyes and if anything her answer enraged Elliot even more._

_But again, he tried to not show it. He didn't want her upset and doing anything stupid again. "Kathy what do you call our kids? Aren't they reason enough for you to live? You're their mother! They need you. They love you!"_

"_I know…and…."_

"_Kathy, stop it. Stop lying."_

"_I am not lying!" Kathy protested as vehemently as she could. _

"_Kathy, I know that you never intended to die. I know you! We're Catholic. Suicide is a sin!"_

"_So is divorce!" Kathy cut in, her eyes blazing now. "But we're getting divorced anyway."_

"_Kathy stop it! Divorce is one thing, suicide another. I know Kathy. The doctor told me. She doesn't think that you intended to do it either."_

"_What are you saying, Elliot?" _

"_I'm saying that…." Elliot's voice trailed off. As angry as he was, he couldn't say what he wanted to say. He wanted out with Kathy. He didn't want to break her spirit._

"_What Elliot?" Kathy prodded._

"_I'm saying that you…..you..that you need help. I'm sorry Kathy. You don't know how sorry I am for everything. But it's done. I can't undo it. As for my feelings for you, I already told you, I will always love you. There's a place in my heart only you will occupy forever. But Kath, come on, we haven't been happy in a long time. I want to be happy. I want you to be happy. And we can't make each other happy. It's not you, it's not me, it's US. We don't work together. Not anymore. We were kids when we got married. And we're not anymore. We grew up and as we did, we grew apart."_

"_So you really won't come back home?" Kathy asked._

_Pity filled Elliot's heart right then. But he knew he had to stand firm. He couldn't do it anymore. He needed to let her go and she needed to let him go. "I think you know the answer to that, Kathy." Elliot told her gently. _

_Kathy began to cry and Elliot finally reached out and took her hand. He just let her cry. He didn't know what else to do._

_After several minutes, Kathy's tears began to subside and finally they stopped. With red-rimmed eyes, she looked at Elliot and said regretfully, "I don't know why I even thought of doing this!"_

"_I know, Kathy. I know. But you have to move on, please! I want you to be happy Kathy. I really do and I can't give you that. If I could I would but I can't."_

"_I know Elliot. Oh God, what did I do?"_

"_Kathy, I have to tell you something and please don't freak out. But you need to know."_

"_Okay…" There was a note of fear in Kathy's voice._

"_The attending psychiatrist who interviewed you? She's reporting this to ACS because we have minor children who live with you. You know that we – I – would take the in a heartbeat, but I really don't think Dickie and Lizzie would like that and I know you wouldn't want Eli away from you, so do you think you could call your mother to stay with you first? Until you're okay? Otherwise, if we can't provide them with appropriate living arrangements they'll put in foster care." Elliot looked at her, his voice serious and his expression also fearful._

_Suddenly, Kathy started crying again and this time, Elliot did not hesitate and put his arms around her. At the back of his head, he was a little scared that Kathy may misinterpret this but to his relief she was the one who pulled away first. She forced herself to stop crying and managed to choke out, "I'm okay, Elliot. I think for the first time, I am okay and thinking clearly. And don't worry I'm sure I can get mom to stay with us and Maureen too."_

"_Good. Kathy – you will always have a part of me. I promise you. And I will still be here for you and our children. I don't regret you. I don't regret us. The only thing I regret is not being honest about my feelings earlier. I regret going about things the wrong way. I should have ended things with you before I started with Olivia. I know I hurt you greatly but I am sorry. And I hope one day you can forgive me. "_

"_Thank you. I needed to hear that, Elliot. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I can't be the one to make you happy. I'm sorry for this. It's just I'm scared. You're all I've known."_

"_You're all I've ever known to Kathy. And I'm scared too."_

"_Why? Why would you be scared? You have Olivia." _

"_Yes, but nothing in this world is sure. Plus, you know very well how hard I am to live with and to love. I might mess it up with her."_

_Surprisingly, Kathy gave a little chuckle and replied, "Yes you are. But Elliot?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_I don't regret you either."_

_Elliot gave her a tender smile then and replied, "Thank you. "_

"_Where are the kids?" Kathy asked._

"_Dr. Cooper is talking to them." Elliot told her honestly._

_Suddenly Kathy looked scared again. "Is she going to tell them everything."_

_Elliot didn't see the point of lying to her and nodded. "Yes, Kath, she is."_

"_What if they hate me for doing this?" _

_Elliot shook his head and answered, "No, they won't. They're on your side Kathy. More likely, they'll hate me for it. They'll blame me for it. Maybe not Maureen and Kathleen – but definitely Lizzie and Dickie. The twins are so mad at me."_

"_That's my fault, I'm sorry."_

"_No, it's okay…well it's not okay, but I understand…"_

"_I'll talk to them Elliot."_

_Elliot nodded and gave her a tired smile. "Anyway, one more thing, they're going to get you to have outpatient therapy and I was thinking if you want I can get Dr. Huang or Dr. Skoda for you? Or would you prefer a referral?"_

"_Therapy?"_

"_Yes, Kathy. Therapy. It's the only way to get ACS to back off too." Once more Elliot was straightforward. _

"_Okay."_

"_And I promise you, Kath, if the psychiatrist tells you to ask me to come as part of your therapy, you can count on me to be there."_

"_Really?" There was a note of doubt in Kathy's tone._

"_Yes, really. Do you really think I'd be happy if I knew you weren't okay?" _

_Kathy smiled and reached for Elliot's hand, squeezed it briefly before letting ago again. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather take the referral. I think it'd be easier for me if the shrink I'd be going to didn't know either of us."_

"_I understand, your call. No problem."_

"_Thanks."_

"_Anyway, they're keeping you for observation for the rest of the day and night and discharging you tomorrow sometime after lunch. Your mom and Maureen need to be in the house by tomorrow night because ACS will pay you a visit, okay? If they can't make it, then I'm sorry but we have no choice except to have Lizzie, Dickie and Eli stay with me and Liv till they can make it."_

"_I'm assuming that would be a tight squeeze, Elliot."_

"_Yes, but if need be…"_

"_Don't worry Mom will be there. When you leave I'll call her." _

"_Let me know if she can be here for your discharge. If she can't I will because the doctor needs to give discharge instructions to someone."_

"_Okay, I'll let you know." _

"_Are you okay now?"_

"_Not yet, but I will be."_

"_Are you gonna be doing something like this ever again?"_

_Suddenly Kathy was teary eyed again and her voice choked. Shaking her head vehemently, she said, "No, I promise you, I won't." _

"_Thank you. Our children need you Kathy. I need you to be there for them."_

"_And I need you to be there for them, Elliot. I want you to promise me that you will never abandon them even if you have a new family in the future with Olivia."_

"_How can you even think that? Never ever. I will never abandon them."_

"_Good."_

_The two of them smiled at each other, a new understanding for each other coming through. Elliot felt relieved and while he was not happy about what had to happen for this, he was glad they were finally talking about things honestly. _

"_Well, Kathy, I hate to do this, but I've been here since 9 last night and it's nearly 7:30 pm again. I'm exhausted. So if you don't mind, I'm just gonna go."_

"_Okay. I'll let the kids know."_

"_Thanks. I'll call them tomorrow." _

"_Bye, Elliot. Take care." Kathy's voice was soft and choked up but she looked straight at him, her gaze unwavering._

_Elliot met her gaze and replied, in a voice equally filled with emotion, "Bye Kathy. You take care too."_

_He gave her a chaste kiss on her forehead, squeezed her hand one last time and headed out. _

Suddenly a car alarm went off somewhere nearby, breaking Elliot's reverie again. He was jolted into awareness and he realized he was already on their street.

All at once, he just wanted to see Olivia. So he ran the length of the street to Olivia's apartment building. And in less than 5 minutes, he was opening the door to apartment 4D.

. . .

**ELLIOT and OLIVIA**

10:58 pm

When he got in, the entire apartment was dark save for the usual lamp by corner table. He glanced at the table by the door and saw that Olivia's keys and purse were there. She was home. But she might be asleep.

So instead of calling out her name, Elliot made his way quietly to the bedroom. Slowly and with hardly any noise, he opened the door. He heard soft saxophone music coming out of her iPod speakers. He glanced at their bed and saw Olivia, sleeping her arms around a pillow. Still quietly, Elliot turned on the bedside lamp. When he saw Olivia's tearstained face, his heart went out to her. Though he had communicated with her throughout the day while he was in the hospital, he knew she had been worried and scared.

Quietly he got undressed until he was just down to his boxer briefs, turned off the lamp and got into bed with her.

It wasn't late by their standards, but both were exhausted especially Elliot and he just wanted to cuddle up to Olivia.

The moment Elliot put his arms around her, Olivia stirred and woke up. She quickly turned towards him, her eyes opening. A smile appeared on her face when she saw him and she whispered, "Hey, I'm glad you're home. I missed you."

"Me, too. I missed you too. It's so good to be home."

Olivia leaned forward and kissed him. Elliot kissed her back urgently, wanting to feel her and reassure her that he was there and he wasn't going anywhere. But before their kissing could get too hot, both pulled away. And all at once both understood. All they wanted right now was to be in each other's arms. Sex can be saved for another time.

"So, how is she?"

"Wait, before that, how are you and our baby?"

"Better now that Daddy is home. I was so worried, El."

"Worried about what?"

"That you wouldn't come home."

"Never Liv. You know me, once I've made a decision I see it through."

"I know. But still."

"I know. But you needn't have worried."

"So, how is she?"

"She's okay. And for tonight, that's all I will tell you. I'm sorry baby, but I am so tired. I promise you I will tell you everything tomorrow."

"She's really okay?"

"Well, she's agreed to get some help. But she's good. She's alive. She's in good health physically."

"I'm glad. I don't think I could bear it if she wasn't."

"Well, she's okay, so don't think about that, okay?"

"Okay." Olivia smiled at Elliot. "You look so tired, babe."

"I am. And you know what I'd really like right now?" Elliot said, also smiling.

"Hmmm…what?"

"To sleep with my arms around you until we wake up tomorrow morning afterwhich I will make love to you. Sound good?" Elliot told her, grinning albeit sleepily.

"Sounds GREAT." Olivia replied, chuckling softly.

"Good night, Liv. I love you." Elliot kissed her softly on the lips.

"Good night, El. I love you too."

And a few minutes later, they were asleep.

. . .

_**To be continued….**_

_**So everything seems to be on the right path with Kathy…but what about with the kids? What happens when they find out Olivia is pregnant? **_

_**And let's not forget Brian the snitch. What happens when Olivia bumps into him?**_

_**All coming up! **_

_**In the meantime, thank you for reading. Please do review, here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

**BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE - IF YOU DON'T LIKE EO - DON'T READ THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

_**Like I've been saying, I will be updating/finishing all of my unfinished stories. So finally, finally here is an update to this story. I know it's been forever but I hope you guys will still read this. I'm so sorry for the delay but it's here! **_

_**Again I have no beta and I have done a spell check on this but in case my eyes and my program missed anything please PM so that I can correct whatever error it is that I missed. **_

_**In the meantime, thank you for reading. **_

_**I will be updating my other stories shortly. I am thinking Crossroads is next. **_

_**Thanks again, dear readers for all the continued support!**_

_**Just as a reminder this is set somewhere near the end of Season 10.**_

* * *

><p><strong>OLIVIA AND KATHY<strong>

Three weeks later, Sunday, 1:16 pm

She couldn't believe that she was about to do this. Her heart was pounding and she could feel her palms grow cold with apprehension with each passing moment.

It was just after lunch. Elliot was also off for the day. He was however, taking the day to spend time with Eli and the twins. Olivia figured that she could talk to Kathy while the children were out. While she knew that it was a long shot that Kathy would understand and forgive at once, she nevertheless wanted to apologize to her. She wanted to tell her how sorry she was for having an affair with Elliot instead of doing things the right way.

She was now just across the street of Elliot's former residence. She'd been standing there for the last 5 minutes and she knew that she should just walk across and do it before a neighbor reported her for loitering.

And so Olivia took a deep breath and with a determined stride, she walked to the Stabler house.

The moments between her ringing the doorbell and Kathy opening the door seemed to last forever. But suddenly when Kathy was before her, it all seemed to go by really fast.

Kathy gasped when she saw Olivia there and she made a swift motion to close the door. But Olivia was quicker. She grabbed the door, keeping it from closing.

"Get your hand off the door Olivia." Kathy's voice was cold and her eyes were shooting dangerous sparks.

"Kathy, I know your angry, but please…"

"Angry is an understatement. Please what? What are you doing here Olivia? Does Elliot even know you're here?"

"No, he doesn't." Olivia admitted, her voice quiet, conciliatory.

Kathy snickered. "Why not?"

"It doesn't matter does it? Please Kathy, five minutes is all I ask."

Kathy looked at Olivia searching her face for any sign of triumph and saw none. She saw no smugness, no arrogance, not anything except a plea.

Finally, she nodded and came out which indicated to Olivia that she was not welcome inside. That was fine with her. They could talk anywhere.

"You have five minutes, Olivia." Kathy told her.

Olivia nodded. She was silent a moment longer and then with another deep breath, she began to speak. "Kathy, I know that Elliot and I hurt you very much and I just wanted to say that I am very, very sorry. He and I should have done things the right way. I know my apology can't undo the hurt we've caused you but I wanted you to know that I am very sorry."

Kathy bit her lip, trying not to cry. But she didn't succeed and a tear fell down her cheek. She hugged herself tightly as if trying to keep the hurt at bay. "Why Olivia? Why did you do it?"

Olivia's eyes filled with tears too and she choked up. "I love him, Kathy."

"I loved him – love him too."

"I know you do."

"So, why?"

"It just happened. I…we never planned it."

"I know you didn't. But god damn it Olivia – you were always the strong one. You were always the one who kept him on the straight and narrow. How could you have let it happen?"

"I don't know." Olivia answered honestly. "I guess, I saw too much pain and anger and love-less relationships in our job, you know? And I realized I had the person I loved in front of me. And so…I…I decided to not let it go anymore."

"You saw too much pain and anger and relationships without love? That's your fucking excuse?" Kathy sounded incredulous.

Olivia hung her head. "No."

"Then why?" Kathy's voice was raised, her face contorted with anger.

"I have no excuse, Kathy. It was wrong of us. And I'm sorry. I know my apology right now may not do any good but I wanted you to know how sorry I am that all of this happened."

Kathy was quiet for a time. When she spoke up again, her tone was dull. "Is that it?"

"No…yes…no…I mean shit…" Olivia stammered out before her voice finally just trailed off.

"What Olivia? Just spit it out. You can't possibly say or do anything more than you already have to hurt me even more." Kathy told her.

"I…I…I…think Elliot should be the one to tell you. I shouldn't have started to say anything." Olivia finally let out.

"Tell me what? What else could you two possibly tell that would hurt me…." Kathy suddenly stopped speaking. Her face paled and she grabbed on to the railing on the front porch. "Oh my God!"

Olivia's heart began to race once more and her hands went cold as she saw the dawning of realization on Kathy's face. "Kathy, I…" Olivia began, her putting her hand on the other woman's arm.

"Don't you dare touch me!" Kathy spat out, cutting her off and swatting Olivia's offending hand away.

"Kathy…" Olivia softly repeated.

"Oh my God! You're pregnant, aren't you?" Kathy declared her face even paler now, her voice cold as ice. It wasn't really a question. They both knew that.

Mutely, Olivia nodded. "I…."

"Get out!" Kathy told her in a low terrible voice.

Olivia knew their conversation was over. She wasn't going to be able to get through to her anymore after that revelation. So she simply nodded then turned and left.

As she walked away, she took one last look back and saw Kathy still on the porch, hand on her face, her shoulders shaking. Olivia's heart broke. She was happy she was finally about to be a mother. But she wished that she hadn't hurt someone to finally be happy.

* * *

><p><strong>OLIVIA<strong>

Sunday, 1:32 pm

Olivia had walked to a nearby diner and from there she called for a car service. Fortunately there was an available one right away and ten minutes later she was on her way back to the city.

She wanted badly to talk to Elliot then. But he was with the twins and Eli. And they had agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea for them to see her yet.

So not having a choice, Olivia decided to go home. She would have just to wait for Elliot to arrive that night and tell him then.

* * *

><p><strong>ELLIOT<strong>

Sunday, 1:36 pm

The day he was having with the twins and Eli was far from ideal.

The twins were both sullen and moody. Dickie especially. He refused to talk to his father. Lizzie talked to him but she would answer him in monosyllables. Yes. No. Maybe. Whatever.

But Elliot refused to give up. He knew he had done something wrong but he wanted to know that he never wanted them to get hurt. He wanted them to understand that he just wanted to be happy too. He knew that Dickie and Lizzie at their age were capable of understanding. But that wasn't the issue. The issue was that they felt that he had turned his back not just on their mom but on them too. He knew that they felt that he had ruined his family.

Eli was the only one who seemed to be having fun. The little boy was giddy and he didn't want to leave Elliot's side. Elliot knew it was because his son had missed him. And since he was too young to comprehend what was going on with Kathy and him, all Eli knew and understood was that his daddy had been gone a long time.

The three of them had gone into Manhattan and they were having a late lunch in TGI Friday's in Times Square.

Eli's face was full of whipped cream from the sundae he was eating while Lizzie was just quiet. Dickie was not paying attention at all. He was just texting on his cell phone.

A few minutes later, Eli was finished with his sundae and Elliot asked for the bill. He had no idea what he was going to do with them after but he'd figure it out. Just as the bill arrived, Dickie's phone rang.

Elliot looked at him but Dickie didn't miss a beat. Instead the teenager stood up and walked towards the restrooms to take the call. Elliot sighed. A part of him wanted to chase him down and give him the talking to he deserved. He may have fucked up but he was still their father. But for the moment, he decided to take the easier road and just let him be.

As Elliot gave his credit card to their server, Dickie came back. Elliot looked at him again and saw a change in his demeanor. His detective's instincts suddenly started to alarm warning bells.

"Dad, I'm gonna bounce. I'm gonna meet my friends and we're gonna watch a movie. I'll be home later. Thanks for lunch. Bye."

And with that, Dickie turned and started to walk away, fully intending to leave.

That was it. Elliot had had enough. "Stop right there. You're not going anywhere."

"Why? I'll be home before curfew. And besides it's not like you care anyways."

Elliot's temper began to rise but he controlled himself. They were in a public place and he knew why Dickie was acting this way. Getting mad at him and taking his bait would not do any good.

Elliot took a deep, quivering breath and as calmly as he could, said, "You're not going anywhere. Sit down."

"Why? What's the point of staying? You didn't."

Lizzie looked apprehensively between her dad and her twin. She remained quiet but there was look of fear on her face.

A vein started to throb on Elliot's forehead. He rubbed his jaw with his knuckle, a sure sign that he was frustrated. "This isn't about me. This is about you. We made plans to spend the day together. And we _**ARE**_ going to spend it together."

"No, _**WE DIDN'T**_. _**YOU**_ did. And I went to lunch didn't I? Now, I want to go out with my friends. If you won't let me, I will call mom and she'll say yes."

Elliot stood up and the two of them stared at each other, almost as if in a stand-off.

"You can't force me to do something I don't want to do." Dickie continued, his voice cold.

"Yes, I can. You're only 16 and I'm your father."

"Oh, so now you're my dad? I think you gave up that title when you had an affair and left mom."

The vein on Elliot's forehead throbbed even more then. But he still controlled himself. He took a deep breath one more time and then replied, "I left your mom Dickie. I didn't leave you guys. I never wanted to not be your dad anymore."

"Yes you did!" Dickie declared, his voice rising a little.

"We're in a public place, keep your voice down."

Dickie snorted. "Whatever…dad." The bitterness in his tone when he said the word dad was so palpable. Elliot could almost taste his bitterness.

"I am still your father Richard. And you will respect me."

"Respect is earned. And you just lost mine the moment you chose that slut over Mom and us."

If they had not been in a public place, Elliot would have surely have slapped Dickie by now. But he didn't, instead he shoved his hands inside his slacks' pocket and kept them there, clenching and unclenching them.

"Don't you dare ever refer to Olivia as that ever! I mean it, Dickie. She's helped you and us a lot – she doesn't deserve that."

"Oh I bet she's helped you lots of times, huh, Dad?"

"Dickie….I'm warning you…"

"What? Are you gonna hit me? Here? Are you gonna ground me? You don't live with us anymore. You don't have the right to ground me."

Elliot gazed at his son's stormy face and suddenly all the anger he felt evaporated. Beneath the contempt, bitterness and anger, Elliot sudden saw and recognized the hurt Dickie was feeling. He had hurt his son. A lot. Not just him but Lizzie too. And while Eli may be too young to understand anything, Elliot had to admit that he had hurt him too.

So he let go of his anger and this time addressed Dickie without a trace of it. "Dickie, look I know what I hurt you."

"You ruined our family!" Dickie declared in a low voice, still angry.

"Do you feel the same way Lizzie?"

Elliot turned to his other teenager who till now had just been sitting tensely on her chair, watching the two of them. Lizzie looked at her twin, who looked back at her and gave her a nod as if to signal that it'd be okay for her to speak.

"You really hurt us Dad." Lizzie whispered softly, looking at Elliot briefly before bowing her head down as her eyes filled with tears.

Elliot went over to her and gave her a brief embrace. She didn't return it but at least she didn't push him away.

"I know I did, Lizzie. And I know that I have a lot of make up for. But please know that just because your mom and I didn't work out doesn't mean I'm bailing out on you guys. You're still my children. You guys are my greatest achievement. If your mom and I did anything right during our marriage, it was the five of you. Please know that. I love you. I love all of you." Elliot choked up at the end of his statement and his eyes felt a little wet. He blinked rapidly trying to keep his tears at bay.

Elliot had not been happy with Kathy for a long time. But that was Kathy and him. His kids were never an issue. Not once did he even think of leaving them or forgetting about them.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Dickie roll his eyes and it looked like he was about to say something again. But just then their server came back with Elliot's credit card. He signed the bill and gave a tip and gave back the check book to the server.

When the server had walked away, Elliot's emotions had stopped swirling violently inside him. But not Dickie's. The moment the server was out of earshot, Dickie declared, "You're not going to fall for his bullshit are you, Lizzie?"

"Dickie!" Lizzie admonished her twin. "He's still our dad!"

"Maybe you still think of him that way. But I don't!" Dickie was a Stabler all the way. Hot-tempered and stubborn, unwilling to bend.

"Dickie, I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me – or Olivia – right now – but I will never stop being your father – no matter how hard you push me away. I love you, believe that or not, I do." Elliot told him, sincerely and honestly.

Dickie gave a sarcastic chuckle. "The way you say her name – wow, she must be something in bed, huh Dad."

"Dickie, stop it! Don't talk to him that way!" Lizzie spoke up then. She glared at her brother. "Look he messed up okay! But don't we all?"

"So you're gonna forgive him, just like that?"

"No, not just like that. I'm still angry too. I'm still hurt too. But he's my dad – our dad no matter what."

"So what? Just because he contributed the sperm that made us, doesn't make him a father. He's hardly been there. He's always at work and I guess we know why now."

"Olivia and I have not been having an affair all this time. I promise you that." Elliot interjected emphatically.

"Like I'd believe you now." Dickie spat out. "And who says you won't cheat on her too? After all, once a cheater, always a cheater. If you could do it to mom, you could do it to her. But hell if you do, she deserves it. Because she let you do what you two did."

Elliot made a motion to stand, but Eli sensing the tension in the air, began to wail. Elliot turned his attention to his younger son who was on a high chair and pulled him out, carrying him instead. "Sssh…" Elliot cooed, trying to calm Eli down.

"Enough Dickie!" This time it was Lizzie who spoke. There was an edge in her voice that made look at her and the moment he laid eyes on his twin, he began to regret his words. Lizzie's face was red, her eyes bright with unshed tears and her hands were balled up in fists.

"Don't tell me you're going over to his side?" Dickie's tone was still dripping with contempt but he lowered his voice.

"I am not taking his side. But he is still our father. And he's trying."

"He cheated on mom."

"Yes he did." Lizzie didn't deny it.

"He left mom – she…she…she...hurt herself because he left her." Dickie continued heatedly.

"I know that."

"He left us. He chose her over us." Dickie wasn't mincing any of his words.

"Yes he left the house. But I don't believe he left us or that he chose her over us." Lizzie was calming down now.

"He lives with her now. What do you call that if not leaving us and choosing her?" Dickie asked contemptuously.

Elliot watched in awe of his youngest daughter as she talked to her twin. Lizzie could be the quiet one but when she spoke, Dickie always knew to listen. If there was someone who could get through his older son, it was his twin sister.

"He left mom. He had an affair." Dickie wasn't giving up easily.

"Yes he did. And that was wrong." Lizzie told him, just as blunt as her twin.

"Exactly. So why are you defending him?"

"Because I love him- he's my dad – no matter what he's done – he will always be my dad – _**our**_ dad."

"Maybe your dad, but not mine. A real father would not have done this to his family."

"I don't think he wanted to. You didn't want to, did you dad?" Lizzie turned to Elliot now, who had been quiet all this time, just holding Eli, who had finally fallen asleep in his arms.

"No, I didn't, Lizzie." Elliot was honest. "I never wanted any of this to happen. But it just happened."

"It just happened?" Dickie sounded disbelieving. "Affairs don't just happen. It takes to people to want it and make it one."

"Dickie, let him speak!" Lizzie cut in again.

"Fine, I'll let him speak but only if he says I can leave after he says what he wants to say."

Lizzie shrugged and then turned to Elliot, "Dad?"

Elliot thought fast. He didn't really want Dickie to leave. He wanted him to stay. Sullen though he may have been all day, he still wanted to spend time with his son. But of course, that was him. He was being selfish wanting to keep his son here when clearly he was not quite ready to deal with everything. And so going against his natural instinct, he drew a breath and replied, "Okay, that's fine. Just as long as you're back by curfew and you call your mom first."

"Fine."

"Okay, now that's settled, can you please take a seat and just listen to dad?" Lizzie asked her brother. "Please, Dickie."

"Fine."

Dickie sat back down on the chair he had been sitting on during lunch, crossed his arms over his chest. He looked everywhere except for Elliot.

"Lizzie, can you please take Eli?" Elliot quietly asked his daughter.

Lizzie nodded, standing up. Elliot carefully placed Eli in Lizzie's arms. When he was done, Lizzie returned to her seat. Elliot looked at Lizzie, who gave him a nod at which he turned to Dickie.

"Dickie, what can I do to make this better with you? With both you?" Elliot asked. There was no anger in Elliot's voice now.

"Nothing." Dickie told him, still not meeting his father's eyes.

"Is that true, Lizzie? Is there really nothing I can do?" Elliot turned to his daughter, his eyes imploring.

Lizzie was silent for a while and Elliot knew she was thinking. Elliot knew her. He knew that Lizzie was not the impulsive kind. Teenager though she may be, she was almost never impulsive.

"Honestly, Dad. You hurt us."

"A lot." Dickie put in.

"I know I did. And I'm so sorry about everything. But you guys have to know – what happened – that has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with my feelings for you guys – you're my kids – you always will be that."

"I guess we do know that, Dad." Lizzie admitted. "But you did disappoint us a lot. You've always taught us to be honorable and do what's right. You've always taught us to speak for victims but now we can't help feel a little victimized by your actions."

Elliot looked stricken as Lizzie continued to speak. The last thing he ever wanted his children to feel was to feel like a victim.

"Didn't you ever think of how we would feel? We've always looked up to you – you AND Olivia. I don't know about Dickie, but me, I've always held the two of you in the highest of places. And then you both do this. It hurts Dad, it hurts a lot. Not just because what you two did was wrong but because suddenly my two heroes were no longer that."

"Lizzie, Dickie – Liv and I – we're just human. I'm glad you looked up to us, but we are not perfect. We also make mistakes."

"Hell yeah you do." Dickie remarked bitterly.

"Exactly Dickie – but you guys make mistakes too. All of us do. We're human. Now that doesn't excuse what Olivia and I did but we certainly didn't intend to hurt you. We know that we should have done it the right way. If we could turn back time, we would. I would just tell your mom that I wanted a divorce and then been with Olivia. But I can't go back. I can only move forward. I want you two to know that. Guys, it's not just a fling with me and Olivia. She and I – well we really love each other. And we make each other happy. And by staying with your mom, I'm preventing 3 people from finding true happiness – me, Liv and yes, your mom. Your mom was not happy with me anymore and neither was I with her. And if we stayed together, she wouldn't be able to find that happiness that she so deserves. Coz God knows that happiness is not with me. So Dickie, Lizzie, I don't expect you to forgive me or Olivia right now but please know that we never planned this. And we certainly never planned to hurt any you. "

Lizzie's eyes filled with tears as Elliot finished. Elliot reached out his hand and touched her cheek in assurance. Then he turned to Dickie. Dickie's eyes were narrowed but most of the anger was gone from his face. "Dickie?" Elliot prodded.

Dickie shrugged. "It was a nice speech Dad. But I don't know. Maybe everything is just too raw right now. I need time. I hope you understand that too."

Elliot nodded. He did understand. Oh well at least Dickie listened. That's all he asked for after all. "Fair enough," he intoned.

"Okay. Well, I'm gonna go. I'll call mom on my way to the movies."

And without another word, Dickie got up from his seat and left, not looking back once.

Elliot's heart sank as he watched his son leave. He knew he had to let him go for now. It might have been a tiny step but at least Dickie had heard what he had to say. "Did you want to leave too?" Elliot asked Lizzie.

His daughter quickly shook her head. "No," she replied.

"Good. I'm glad. So since your brother's not here, it looks like it's gonna be totally your call where we go. So where do you wanna go Lizzie?"

"Hmmm…." Lizzie thought about it a few moments before she spoke again. "Could we go to the Museum of Natural History?"

"Sure Lizzie, that's a great idea. Let's go."

Elliot unfolded Eli's stroller and Lizzie gently put her little brother there as the three of them made their way to the subway to go to the museum.

* * *

><p><strong>KATHY <strong>

Sunday, 2:08 pm

After Olivia left, Kathy had finally been able to drag herself inside after about 15 minutes.

She didn't know what to do at first. She didn't want to call her mother. She didn't want to call her best friend, Dana. Dana was also going through a nasty divorce and she didn't want to burden her friend.

Finally though, she decided to go to church. She thought, she'd go to confession and ask Fr. O'Halloran, their neighborhood parish priest for advice.

Decided now, Kathy quickly got dressed and in less than 15 minutes she was at the church. She saw the green light outside the confessional, indicating there was a priest on the other side waiting for the penitent to come in.

She breathed a sigh of relief, opened the door and kneeled, making the sign of the cross. "Bless me, Father for I have sinned, my last confession was about 6 months ago."

"Hello Kathy, I'm ready for your confession now." The voice of Fr. Liam O'Halloran rang out from the opposite side.

"Oh, Father, I'm glad it's you." Kathy blurted out, relief once more flooding through her.

"How can I help you today?"

"Father I'm not really here to confess…well I guess I sort of am too, but mostly I just need guidance."

"What is it Kathy?"

Kathy took a deep breath. "I've done a really bad thing Father, but I just couldn't take it anymore. And now if seems to just get worse and worse."

"What do you mean?"

And so Kathy began to tell Fr. O'Halloran about Elliot's affair, about how he had left her, about her fake suicide attempt, about the contempt and hatred of Dickie with Elliot, about Lizzie's disappointment and sadness with him, about Maureen and Kathleen's reluctant acceptance but extreme disappointment and mostly she told him about her hurt, anger and of course the latest transgression of Elliot in her eyes – that Olivia was already pregnant.

When Kathy finally finished her story, Fr. O'Halloran spoke up. "That's a lot Kathy and I understand how you'd have a hard time with all of that. You probably feel very alone now."

"Yes, I do." Kathy confirmed in a whisper.

The entire time she had told her story, she had not cried but now that she had unburdened herself, she suddenly felt tears spring to her eyes.

"But Kathy you are not alone, you know God is with you always and he does not give any of us anything we can't handle."

"I have to confess Father, during the past couple of months I sometimes question why He would allow this to happen to me."

"Maybe He has other plans for you and Elliot. You have to have faith, Kathy."

"I always did Father…"

"Did?"

"I keep asking myself – I've been a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter and a good nurse – but still this happens. I have to confess my faith is a little shaky but it is not gone. I wouldn't be here if it was."

"I know that, Kathy. I understand. But let's get away from the spiritual side of things for the moment and let's discuss you and Elliot. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, Father."

"Are you in love with Elliot?"

"I have always loved Eliot, Father O'Halloran."

"That's not what I asked, Kathy."

'You asked…"

"If you were in love with him not if you love him, there is a difference."

"Uh…I…"

"Think about it…actually let's scrap that, don't think about it…feel it. Look to your heart not your mind. Forget your hurt, your anger and your pride and just feel. Are you still in love with Elliot?"

Kathy was about to answer but then stopped. She dropped her head and replied, "I….I…I don't know. Does it matter? He's my husband. He has obligations to me and our kids."

"Yes he is and yes he does. And being a Catholic we are all taught divorce is a sin and I would never advocate it. But Kathy it sounds like he's already made his choice. And you, I'm sorry to say, if you were truly in love with him my daughter, you would know."

"So what are you saying, Father? That I should let him go."

"What I'm saying Kathy is I think you know the right path to take but you just don't want to take it."

Once more, Kathy was silent. A few minutes later, she spoke, her voice choked with emotion, "I'm scared Father O'Halloran. He's all I've ever known for almost 30 years. I don't know if I can make it alone."

"Like I said earlier, Kathy – you are not alone. Aside from God and His Mother, Mary, you have your kids, you have your own mother and I'm sure you will also have Elliot – only in a different way."

"I just feel if I just let him go, I'm saying that it's okay that he had an affair."

"Then tell him exactly how you feel and how he and this Olivia made you feel. Be honest with him. But you got to be open to the fact that he'll be honest with you too. I know Elliot too, Kathy. And I know he will be that."

"I'm more than 40 years old – what other man is going to want a woman like me? I have 5 kids!"

Father O'Halloran chuckled from his side of the confessional. "I doubt that will be a problem for you Kathy. I'm not just saying that. You are a beautiful woman."

"Thank you." Kathy gratefully replied.

"I know this will not go away overnight. But things will only get better with acceptance and letting go."

"I know, Father."

"It'll come. Trust me."

"Honestly I think if it were any other woman, it'd be easier."

"Why is that?" Father O'Halloran asked.

"I think it's because I've always resented Olivia for having Elliot more than I did. I may be the wife, but she was his partner. She shared things with him that I never could. And yes while I had things with Elliot she never could too, well….she does now."

"But YOU not her have five children with him."

"But she's about to have one with him."

"Kathy, you had almost 30 years with him. Isn't it about time you found your happiness too?"

"I was happy with him."

"Were you? Remember you left him once."

"I know. I don't know. Maybe I just fooled myself into thinking I was happy because I was scared."

"Only you can answer that."

"Well Father, thank you for listening. You've given me a lot to think about."

"I'm always here to listen, Kathy. Anytime."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

"And may God bless you and keep you. And for all of your sins, I absolve you, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."

"Amen." Kathy replied, making the sign of the cross.

"Now for your penance – I think that you've had a lot of penance in your life right now so, just say one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be before you leave and go to the next First Friday mass."

"I will Father, thank you."

"You're welcome Kathy. Come back anytime."

At that, Kathy stood up and walked out of the confessional. She knelt on a nearby pew afterwards and did the prayers the priest asked her to do and then with a last look at the crucifix of Christ, she headed left the church, feeling just a little better.

* * *

><p><strong>ELLIOT<strong>

Sunday, 7:11 pm

Elliot was driving Lizzie and Eli home after they went by the precinct to pick up his car. He had left it there since it was too much of hassle to go around the city in it. It was already past 7 pm and the three of them had had a good day. After the Museum of Natural History, they had brought Eli to FAO Schwarz. The little boy had squealed in delight with all the toys he saw and Elliot had bought him a big stuffed dog.

Afterwards, Lizzie and him gorged themselves on Gray's Papaya after which they had gone to the 16th precinct and picked up the car.

They were already on the BQE and they'd be home in probably less than 40 minutes. Eli was asleep in the back in his car seat, his giant stuffed beagle next to him.

Lizzie had been silent for the better part of the ride and that was okay with Elliot. Like he told Dickie he did not expect them to be okay with everything overnight. But the fact that Lizzie had spent the day with him was a start.

So he was startled when suddenly, Lizzie spoke up. "You love Olivia a lot, don't you dad?"

Taken aback though he was, Elliot managed to nod. "Yes, I do, Lizzie."

"Does that mean you never loved Mommy?"

"No, sweetheart. Of course not."

"But you don't love her now right?"

"I do love her."

"Then I'm confused."

"Sweetheart, I love your mom. I always will. She was my first love. And she gave me all five of you. Nothing will change that. Nothing will replace that."

"But?"

"But, I'm not in love with her anymore."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, Lizzie. I guess despite of all the things we did right, what I remember more are the things we did wrong. And that shouldn't be the case."

"Was it anything she did?"

"No."

"Was it anything she didn't do?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I…I…don't know Lizzie. It's really hard to put it into words you know. It's just that your mother and I haven't been able to make each other happy in a very long time."

"Was that because of us? I mean – you guys not being able to make each other happy – was that because of us?"

Elliot felt his face go pale with shock then and replied, "No, Lizzie of course not! It was never about you kids. NEVER. I cannot emphasize that enough."

"So it was just mom?"

"It wasn't just mom, it was also me. It was US. We didn't work anymore. We got married too young. We tried to do right thing. We tried again and again but we're not happy Lizzie. And I think everyone in this world deserves a chance at happiness."

"Does Olivia make you happy?"

Elliot smiled. "Yes she does, sweetheart. She makes me very happy."

"I wish mom would find someone to make her happy too." Lizzie declared, feeling sad for her mother.

"I'm sure she will someday sweetheart."

"I hope so."

"Thank you Dad."

Lizzie's last statement startled Elliot. "For what?"

'For being honest with me."

"Lizzie, I love you guys. I always will. Even if I have another kid with Olivia that is never going to change."

"Do you want a kid with Olivia?" Lizzie asked.

"I do. Would you mind that?"

Once more, Lizzie paused and thought carefully. When she finally answered, she was shaking her head. "No I wouldn't. In fact I think it'd be cool for Eli to have a playmate/sister or brother who is close to his age."

Elliot was about to tell her that Olivia was pregnant but then at last minute he decided not to. He didn't want to share that with her and then charge her with keeping it secret till they were able to tell Kathy.

"I'll keep that in mind." Elliot grinned at his youngest daughter.

By now they were less than 10 blocks from the house. Lizzie fell silent again and a new calm came over the two of them.

When they finally got to the house, Elliot carefully got Eli out of the car seat and gave him to Lizzie. Lizzie took him while Elliot got the car seat and the giant stuffed dog. Quietly, they entered the house.

They could hear Kathy's footsteps upstairs. The two of them glanced at the clock. It was just after 8 pm. They already knew Dickie wasn't home yet being that his curfew was 1 am.

"Thanks for a great day, Dad." Lizzie told him, smiling.

"Thanks for not bailing and thank you too for sticking up for me with your brother."

"Anytime, Dad. See you soon."

"Sure Lizzie."

"And dad?"

"Tell Olivia I said thank you."

"For what?"

"For making you happy."

Tears suddenly sprung up Elliot's eyes and he enveloped his daughter in a hug as best as he could since she was still holding Eli. "Thank you Lizzie. I hope you can forgive both of us soon."

"I'll work on it Dad."

"That's all I ask for."

"Alright, well I got to take Eli up. Did you want to see mom?"

"Probably not a good idea right now."

Lizzie nodded in understanding. "Okay, well bye! Good night. I love you."

"I love you, too." Elliot replied, kissing his daughter on the cheek. Then he bent down and kissed Eli on the forehead and told him, "I love you, Eli."

With one last smile at her father, Lizzie went upstairs and when she had gone, Elliot walked out and started his drive back to Manhattan.

* * *

><p><strong>ELLIOT AND OLIVIA<strong>

Sunday, 9:27 pm

It was wasn't early when Elliot got home. He saw Olivia on the couch, asleep while the TV was on. He smiled at her. She looked so gorgeous and peaceful as she slept. He put a hand on her still flat stomach then bent down and kissed it. This baby was going to be gorgeous….and stubborn. God knows its parents were the king and queen of stubborn.

The second Elliot's lips were on her abdomen, Olivia's eyes fluttered open. Elliot engulfed her in an embrace and murmured, "I'm home. Wake up sleepy head. I missed you."

"El…" Olivia started to say but before she could say anything more, Elliot's lips had found hers and he was kissing her senseless.

For a couple of minutes, Olivia drowned in his kisses and melted in his arms but then she remembered that she needed to tell him about going to Kathy and so reluctantly she pulled away.

"El?"

"Hmm…" Eliot replied lazily, still savoring their just ended kiss

"I need to tell you something."

"Oh really? What is it?"

"Well first of all, I missed you too, by the way." Olivia mustered up a small smile.

"You better have."

"I did."

"Okay, now that we have established that, you said first. What's the second?"

The smile vanished from Olivia's face and she bit her lip. Her heart started to race as opened her mouth to speak. "Oh God, I'm scared you're going to get mad."

"Why would I get mad?" Elliot's brow furrowed in question?

Olivia looked at him a moment longer and then bowed her head, averting her gaze from his. "I went to Kathy early this afternoon. I apologized to her and then she guessed that I was pregnant! I 'm sorry Elliot but I couldn't bear not apologizing anymore!"

A vein throbbed in his forehead once more as he absorbed the gravity of Olivia's words.

"You went to her?" Elliot tried to stay calm.

Olivia nodded, still not looking at him.

"And you apologized?"

"Yes." Olivia admitted in a ragged whisper.

"And you told her you were pregnant?"

"No I didn't – I wanted to but I backed out the last second but she guessed anyways."

"And then what happened?"

"She told me to get out and I did."

"That's it?"

"That's it." Olivia finally looked up and saw that Elliot's face wasn't angry. But it wasn't happy either. It was the fact that he didn't look angry that she focused on. "El, I know maybe I shouldn't have done this on my own – and I did not apologize for us – I know if you were going to do that, you'd do that on your own - but I did apologize for my part in this affair. I told her I didn't plan it…etc, etc. And then I almost told her I was pregnant…but I realized I couldn't coz she was already hurting so much…"

"But she guessed."

"Yes she did."

"And you didn't refute it."

"I didn't really want any more lies to be told." Olivia said, looking at him earnestly. "I hope you're not mad, Elliot."

Elliot didn't speak for a few minutes, making Olivia's heart thump hard from fear. Oh God, he was pissed. But then suddenly, he gave her a huge playful smack on the lips before saying, "I'm not mad. In fact that makes me love you even more."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. That took guts, Liv. You didn't have to do that, but you did."

"I did have to, Elliot. We could have done all of this better."

"I know but well…let's not analyze it anymore. But if it made you feel better I'm glad you did it."

"It did make me feel better but it also made me feel so much worse."

"Why?"

"She looked absolutely broken when she guessed about our baby."

"Not to sound callous, but she was going to find out sooner rather than later."

"Aren't you scared that she's gonna tell the twins and they'll hate you even more?"

"If I know my ex and I do, she won't tell them yet."

"Speaking of the twins, how did your day go?"

At that question, Elliot began to tell her about his day with Lizzie, Dickie and Eli. When he was done, tears were shining in Olivia's eyes again.

"Lizzie said she didn't mind if we had kids?"

"Yup, she did."

"And you really told them that I make you happy?"

"Of course I did! It's that truth!"

"I'm glad El. It sounds like you made a lot of headway with Lizzie."

"I wished it could have been the same with Dickie."

"Like you said El, at least he listened. That's a start."

"A small start."

"Nevertheless, it's a start."

"True."

"Anyway, I'm really glad you're not angry."

"Why would I be, Liv? You were telling the truth. And like I said she was going to find out anyway. Better now that later. If she had found when you were further along, she'd get hurt all the more thinking we've kept it from her all this time. No, it really is better this way."

"I'm glad you feel that way Elliot."

"I do. But there is something else that I feel too, Liv."

"Really and what's that?"

A mischievous glint came into Elliot's eyes then as he replied, "Honestly?"

"Yup, honestly."

"Horny."

Olivia laughed out loud. "You Detective Stabler are insatiable."

"Oh come on. You know you love it."

"That I do."

"Good. So can I carry you to our room now so that I can make love to the love of my life?"

"That you may!" Olivia grinned.

At that, Elliot stood up and then bent down and scooped her into his arms. With quick, purposeful strides he took them to the bedroom where they proceeded to undress each other and finally make love.

. . .

_**Confronting Brian the snitch… telling the squad that Olivia is pregnant and finally telling the Stabler kids…all coming up! **_

_**In the meantime, please review here and on Twitter: LadyJ_817**_

_**Thank you for reading!**_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.**_

_**THIS IS AN EO STORY! IF YOU DO NOT LIKE EO, I SUGGEST YOU DO NOT READ THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**_

_**I know I haven't updated this in forever but I just had to because I've gotten so many requests. As previously stated to some of you who have contacted me through twitter, I just want to tell everyone else that yes, while it's taking me a long time to update, I WILL update AND finish all of my SVU stories. I do apologize for the delay. Unfortunately, the way SVU is going is leaving a lot to be desired for me. I truly do NOT Like the direction Warren Leight has taken the show which leaves so not inspired. But again, I don't want to be one of those writers who start something never to finish it. I WILL finish every story I have put up – yes including IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT. :-) **_

_**In any case, I hope you guys like this update. **_

_**Again thank you so much for the continued support of my fics! Thank you for reading!**_

* * *

><p><strong>OLIVIA<strong>

Thursday, 10:11 am

Olivia was entering the 16th precinct. As she walked in, she saw Brian Cassidy getting off the elevator. Immediately her tempered flared and she made a beeline for him.

"Cassidy!" She called out, her voice raised to make sure he heard her.

Brian stopped in his tracks and as his eyes met Olivia's, a sneer came over his face. "Well, well Liv. How are you? Why are you alone? Did they separate you and Elliot?"

"You know very wellthey did you asshole and it's all thanks to you." Olivia's eyes were narrowed and her nostrils flared as she attempted to rein her anger in.

"Well you're welcome."

"In case you didn't notice, I'm not thanking you."

"But you just said it's all thanks to me." Brian said, the sneer still on his face.

Olivia rolled her eyes and snorted. "Oh come on Cassidy, even you can't be that much of an idiot."

"What the fuck do you see in him anyway Olivia? I mean aside from the fact that he's married and has like what a dozen kids – he has a bad temper, he's balding and he's a selfish bastard – so please enlighten me what the hell you see in him?"

"Why does what I see in him any of your damn business?" Olivia asked. "I mean seriously, Brian, I am totally puzzled as to why the answers to those questions would matter to you at all?"

For a moment, Brian looked like he had another contemptuous thing to say but then he seemed to stop himself and he just shrugged.

"Brian, why did you do it?" Olivia asked, her tone gentling and letting her confusion finally show.

Again Brian just shrugged.

"Brian please…I just want to understand." Olivia persisted.

"It's always been him huh, Liv?"

Again, Olivia looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean even when we….you know….all those years ago…it was always him. He was the reason that you didn't want to be with me. I was just a replacement for that one night that you needed someone in your bed but he wasn't available. You never even considered me didn't you?"

"I…I…" Olivia's voice momentarily trailed off before she spoke again. "Brian, I'm sorry. I know I handled that badly. But it wasn't because of him."

Brian snickered. "Of course it was."

"No it wasn't." Olivia was insistent. "Brian, it was just well – it was a one night stand. I'm sorry. I would have never let it happen had I known you would catch feelings for me you know?"

"You're kidding yourself…."

"No…I'm not…look Brian believe it or not, I never wanted it to happen this way with Elliot."

"But you did want it to happen – you've wanted it to happen since the beginning."

"I…." The protest that she was about to mount faded as she realized that what Brian was saying was true.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Brian said, his voice now soft, the contempt all but gone.

"I…"

"You don't have to answer, Liv. It's written all over your face." Brian told her.

Olivia didn't try to deny it anymore. So instead, she simply asked, "Why did you do it? Why did you snitch on us?"

Brian shrugged. "I don't know. I saw you two. Downtown in St. Mark's. Well going into St. Mark's. You two were holding hands and I don't know. I mean, I haven't seen you or thought of you in years. But I was trying to make my way back to the 16th precinct you know? And I had it all planned out after I managed that. I was going to go after you. I was going to make you realize that I was the one for you. And when I saw you two that day, I knew that even if I made it back to the 16th precinct, I didn't have a chance. Because I saw that you finally got what you wanted. But then I thought he didn't deserve you. I knew he was still married. I knew that you deserved better."

"I love him, Brian."

Brian smiled sadly at her words. "I know you do. I knew it back when I was still in SVU. I knew it when I saw the two of you. And I know it now. But back when I saw you guys, I guess I snapped. I felt that he had ruined my plans. And so I thought if I told IAB, they would separate you and you two would break up."

"We aren't going to break up, Brian."

"No….I know you're not…"

"I really am sorry. I really handled things badly with you. "

"Yes you did."

Olivia gave a small laugh then. "Wow you grew out of sugarcoating things, haven't you."

Brian shrugged and finally a small sincere smile worked its ways to his lips. "Yeah. I'm tougher now I guess."

"I can see that."

"Except you Olivia Benson can still turn my world upside down."

"Brian you don't know how much I'm flattered by that…"

"But?"

"But…you deserve someone who loves you the way you deserved to be loved. And…"

"…that's not you…"

Olivia nodded. "Yes, that isn't me."

"You deserve better than him."

Olivia didn't react to his putdown of Elliot instead, she just repeated. "I love him. And he loves me."

"Does he really?"

"Yes, he does."

"Well, all I can say is if he hurts you…"

"I know where to find you." Olivia smiled gently at him, placing a soft hand on his cheek.

Brian took her hand that was on his cheek in his and gave it a brief kiss. "I'm sorry if I hurt you too."

"Thank you Brian, I appreciate that." Olivia told him, slowly and gently letting go.

"Take care, Liv. Stabler's lucky to have you love him."

"Bye Brian."

"Bye, Liv."

And with those final words, the two of them turned in opposite directions and walked away.

* * *

><p><strong>ELLIOT<strong>

Thursday, 12:06 pm

Elliot and Fin were in Queens when they should have been having their lunch. Elliot asked Fin a favor to drop by to see Kathy.

But now that they were in Elliot's former residence, Elliot wasn't moving from the car.

Finally Fin got impatient and with a sigh, he said, "So are you gonna do this or what?"

Elliot gave a start as if he forgot that he wasn't in the car alone and then slowly he nodded. "I am."

"Look, man, I know all this must be very hard."

"You don't know the half of it."

"And I wouldn't."

"No, I wouldn't wish this on anyone at all."

"El, why are you hesitating to go in?"

"I..." Elliot's voice trailed off and all he could was shrug.

Suddenly understanding dawned on Fin's face. "You knocked her up..."

"What?"

"Liv..."

"I...uh..."

"That's it, isn't it?"

"Please Fin, don't say anything yet to anyone..."

"Of course I won't, but El man, Liv is not Kathy. Don't you make her your obligation. Do not tell me you are staying with Liv instead of Kathy because you had history repeat itself."

Elliot looked bewildered as he stared at Fin.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I hope you're not quote unquote, choosing Olivia only because you got her pregnant."

"Of course not!" Elliot's answer was vehement and immediate.

"I sure hope so, Stabler."

"Come on Tutuola, I've loved Liv for forever."

At Elliot's words, Fin just looked at Elliot, studying him. He was looking for even the tiniest bit of insincerity there and found...none. Finally Fin smiled and then clapping Elliot on the back, he replied, "You have, haven't you?"

"I have."

"Well then, El, you gotta do what you gotta do." Fin gestured towards the door of his former house.

"She's gonna be so hurt..." Elliot's voice dropped to a tremelous whisper.

"She will..."

"You know she guessed it already..."

"But it'll different when it finally comes straight from you."

"Right."

"You don't have to do this right now, Elliot. But you have to this eventually. And we're already here, so you might as well go for it."

"Yeah..."

"So?"

"Alright, here goes nothing." Elliot said, reaching for the car door handle.

"I'll be right here, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Fin."

"Naw man, just do me a favor, okay?"

Elliot nodded.

"Just don't ever do to Liv what you did to Kathy. Okay?"

"Never."

"I'll hold you to that. Now go. Get this over with. Pull that band-aid out."

Elliot nodded once more, and then with a determined breath, he got out of the car and strode to his former house.

* * *

><p><strong>ELLIOT AND KATHY<strong>

Thursday, 12:20 pm

The moment Kathy saw Elliot, she tried to close the door on him but Elliot, being the season detective and former Marine that he was was quicker than her.

Unable to keep him out, Kathy let him through.

Elliot closed the door behind him and when he met her eyes, Kathy began to cry. At first her tears were silent but then they became loud sobs.

Elliot's heart wrenched with guilt and he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his ex-wife, the mother of his children, his first love and let her cry.

It took several minutes but finally Kathy's cries subsided until they finally stopped.

Kathy felt stronger then, if not better and she pulled away from Elliot's embrace, glancing at him with her red eyes.

"Kathy..." Elliot choked out.

"I know Elliot."

"I know you do, she told me."

"She didn't confirm it...but that's what you're here to do right? You're here to confirm it." Kathy said, trying to keep her voice level.

"Yes."

"Is that why you're staying with her?" Kathy's gaze fixed itself on Elliot. Like Fin earlier, she seemed to look for any hint of insincerity on his part.

Eliot sighed then and he took a step towards her, gently grabbing her hands in his.

"Kathy...I'm sorry but no."

"No?"

"No. Kathy I...I..."

"You love her..."

Elliot nodded. "I..I don't think you need to hear me say that."

Kathy shrugged. "You didn't need to say it. I can see it. Hell, I could see it all this time. I was just denying to myself."

"I meant what I said before, Kath. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to be the cliché and fall for my female partner."

"I know."

"I'm just really sorry about how this all turned out. I could have handled it better." Elliot apologized to Kathy.

"I could have too."

"What do you mean?"

Kathy laughed somewhat bitterly then. "Let's face it, El, you only came back to me because I was pregnant with Eli."

"No..." Elliot started to protest, but Kathy cut him off.

"No, it's time we were both completely honest." Kathy was firm. "You cam back because I asked you to come back."

"I never regretted that, Kath."

"No, because you're not the type to regret something you've decided on. And I know you love me but you're not in love with me anymore. And that's okay."

"I know. But what's not okay is how I went about ending things with you."

"Yes it wasn't. But we've already talked about that and honestly, I do not think I have the strength to rehash that again."

"I hope you can forgive me one day, Kathy."

"I'm sure I will be able to, Elliot. You know a part of me always love you. And if you can't forgive someone you love..."

Elliot's eyes suddenly filled with unexpected tears. This wasn't going as he imagined it was going to go. And it was really cutting him. He didn't deserve this. He deserved to be beaten, kicked and slapped and more.

"Me, too Kath. You'll always have a special place in my heart. You were my first love. The mother of my children. No one can ever take that away from us."

"Yeah..."

The two of them looked at each other briefly in silence. Then Elliot put a gentle hand on her cheek and gave her a last kiss on the forehead.

"Take care, Kathy."

"I will."

There was a pause and Elliot was about to say his goodbye but then Kathy added, "Elliot? Can you hold off telling the kids first?"

Elliot nodded. "Yeah, sure. I wasn't planning on telling them too soon."

"It's just that, well they've had a lot to take in such a short amount of time."

"I know. Don't worry. When I decide to tell them, I'll you know first."

"Okay."

"Anyway, I'm glad we got everything out in the open."

Kathy nodded and opened her mouth to reply but then suddenly there was a knock on the door.

With a puzzled look on her face, Kathy quickly went to get the door. As she opened it, she found Fin standing there.

"Hey Kathy." Fin greeted.

"Hey Fin. What's up?"

Fin looked past her and addressed Elliot, "Stabler man, sorry to interrupt but we just gotta a call. Vic up on the Upper East Side just over the Queensborough Bridge. We gotta go."

Elliot nodded. "Okay."

"I'll wait for in the car." Fin said. "Sorry to cut this short, Kathy."

Kathy gave him a small smile, "It's okay, Fin."

As Fin went back to the car, Elliot started to walk out, "Look I'll call you before I tell the kids, okay?"

"Yeah, please do."

"Bye Kathy."

And with that Elliot left, closing the door behind him. When the door shut, Kathy gave a small wince and then whispered, "Goodbye Elliot..."

* * *

><p><em><strong>To be continued...<strong>_

_**Thoughts? Please review here and on Twitter! LadyJo_817. Thanks!**_

_**P.S. If you see any typos please do not hesistate to PRIVATE MESSAGE me so that I can quickly correct them. I do not have a beta and sometimes having only one set of eyes can make the difference between seeing and not seeing a typo. Yes, even with spell check! :-) **_


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